Children are very sensitive from birth and are able to feel the love of their parents, lack or absence of it. After all, not all parents are equally capable of loving their baby, some do not like a soul in their children, some are cold and put their meaning in the words “to love your child”.
The love and relationship of the mother with the child arises in the prenatal period, therefore, from that time on, you need to talk to the baby affectionately and already love him. At birth, parental love is necessary for the psychological and physical development of the baby and this is a proven fact, because the need for love and affection is laid in us by nature.
But not all parents, for certain reasons, are able to give love in full and in the way their baby needs. Often mom and dad express feelings by giving a baby toys, gifts, expensive clothes, as if trying to give all the best, instead of talking, reading a book, playing, fondling. Such children are dressed, shod and have everything except the main attention and warmth.
Parents should express their love, be interested in the affairs of the child, kiss, hug and talk about their feelings for him. Of course, the characters in all children 
different, someone desperately needs attention, and someone is content with little, so parents should devote as much care and time as is required for their children, no matter how many of them there are in the family.
Often, the lack of love is felt by children in large families , there children are not loved all the same, each in different ways, although they say the opposite. Children always feel this, they cannot be fooled, and they suffer a lot, worry, not finding an answer and a reason.
There are also families in which unwanted child and he is completely deprived of parental love... The kid is aware and feels the attitude towards himself, even if he is provided good care and normal living conditions. Some parents are simply stingy with feelings, raise children, providing everything necessary because it is so necessary so that people do not condemn, without thinking that perhaps children lack their warmth and affection.
How a lack of parental love affects a child's life
In no case can one expect that the child will outgrow, forgive and understand everything, on the contrary, all the consequences of dislike pass into adulthood, overgrowing with negative additional factors affecting character, relationships in the family and in society:
Statistics indicate that people who were deprived of love and attention in childhood are prone to suicide or, conversely, to sadism and violence against others.
When giving birth to a child, parents must understand that no values can be compared with their warmth and love for him. Only by giving all of yourself without reserve, not sparing either feelings or time, you can raise a happy, confident, successful and grateful person who is able to give his love and care to his relatives, friends and the whole world.
Loving parents, who, as a rule, wish the child only well, can present him with many pedagogical "gifts" that, to one degree or another, will have an impact on the life of a grown-up child. This is not about posters of popular rock bands spoiling the look of mother's favorite floral wallpaper, and not about corporal punishment of the father for any wrongdoing. Below are the most common mistakes of mothers and fathers, which, at first glance, are not dangerous for the human psyche.
Better to have a dog
Sometimes parents say scary words: “Why do I need this disobedient child? "," Fell on my head "and even" I should have had an abortion right away. " Who would have thought that, uttering these terrible phrases, a tired mother means only that she spent the whole day at work, then went shopping, and the little wretch poured cocoa on the curtain, and she would have to wash her clothes until night instead of the long-awaited rest. And the child understands literally: "You must not live."
Soon that scary uncle will come and eat the naughty child
Toddlers are very vulnerable when it comes to being separated from Mom and Dad. Adults threaten with a gray wolf, an orphanage, a policeman - whatever. Such blackmail forces the child to be in constant fear that the worst may happen at any moment.
In adulthood, a girl raised in this way is likely to face her own uncontrollable jealousy and fear that a loved one will betray and abandon. Often such people are left alone: there is no partner - there is no possibility of being abandoned.
You can't talk to your mother like that
There is some inequality between adults and their children, but in practice there are no established norms that determine the rules for talking with parents. "Don't be rude to your father!" - such phrases can be heard from those parents who are confused and do not know what to answer.
The child does not know how to communicate with the parents. He either stops talking to them altogether, or does it aggressively and defiantly, trying to suppress adult authority.
"Don't you dare lock yourself!"
Parents are interested in why the child needs money, with whom he talked for half an hour on the phone, with whom he corresponded and what lies in the portfolio between the history textbook and the diary. Subsequently, the adult life of children is under the same control: "Why is it dirty in your kitchen?", "Who stayed with your daughter when you went to the cinema?"
Growing up children face great difficulties in relationships with other people: they do not know where the line is between the personal and the public. If you once noticed that you have been rummaging in your fourteen-year-old daughter's purse for several hours, you can be sure that parenting methods in education have borne fruit.
No more communication
It is stupid to be offended by children. But people endlessly repeat the same mistakes: they do not talk to the child for hours, and sometimes for weeks. Let everyone suffer. The child grows up with the knowledge that conflicts are not resolved in any way, it is enough just to be offended.
Boys don't cry and girls don't fight
How often do children hear: "You are a girl!" Or a boy. There are so many “no's” that fill the little man's head with nonsense. It would be better to teach something useful, and not pay attention to the floor. There are skills and abilities that will be useful to absolutely everyone.
The girl grows up and thinks: "More shades of pink, I'm a girl." And the guy lives by the principle: "I only drink vodka, because a real man."
"If they lie under the train, will you lie down too?"
Being yourself is not so bad. But the constant attempts of parents to protect the child from communication with peers can play a cruel joke: the offspring will turn into a black sheep and in the future will face the inability to find a common language with the people around him.
It was possible to get a "five"
"Four? Yeah. And after that you say that you taught? " - an outraged father brings to his son the idea that he is lazy and stupid.
What happens to people who are faced with such criticism in childhood? They notice any little things: dust on the cornice, a pimple on the chin and the absence of the necessary punctuation mark in the text. The life of the people around such a person also becomes unbearable.
"No games until you finish your porridge"
When it comes to food, parents go to any tricks: "You can't throw away the bread, it's blasphemy!"
This behavior can affect the child's psyche in different ways. Some will get used to eating everything they put in, even if they are fed up. Others believe that tasty things must be left for later, but for now it is worth being content with little (this principle is gradually moving to other areas of life that are not related to food intake). Left by your beloved man? You need to get a box of ice cream out of the freezer and seize your grief.
Nothing to invent
Parents believe that they know better: there is no reason for crying, and the stomach cannot hurt so much, everyone is alive, and the rest is stupidity. People ignore the true feelings and emotions of children, replacing them with their own, as if this is really true. It is very important to teach your child to understand their own feelings.
Top 10 "masterpieces" from parents "for a snack"
1. "I am at your age ...".
2. "You are the same as your grandfather."
3. "In a decent society, this is not how they behave."
4. "Stop shaming me."
5. "But Lenochka is not like that."
6. "If you have children, then you will remember my words."
7. "You want my death."
8. "I touched my instruments again with my crooked hands."
9. “You're always digging. How long can you wait? "
10. "If you fail the exam, you will be a cleaner."
If earlier it was believed that a child should be dressed, shod and fed - and this is enough, now, thanks to the latest research, psychologists are already with this. Children who lacked parental love, but who had plenty of everything else, rarely grow up happy ..
Lack of trust
Such people simply do not know how to trust others. Yes, looking for a catch in everything can be useful against not very kind personalities, but not trusting friends and family is a completely different matter. It's just that such people learned from childhood that they need to deal with their problems on their own and not rely on anyone's help. So they do not trust those who are ready to offer such help.
Poor emotional sphere
Material support is, of course, good, but it does not guarantee normal development. Such a child, alas, is fixated exclusively on material things, does not know how to express his emotions and understand the emotions of other people. This means that he has problems with communication, especially on topics that do not revolve around professional skills and making money.
Fear of failure
A direct consequence of a lack of parental love is low self-esteem. The child tries in every possible way to "earn" love, but he does not succeed. And each time he suffers defeat, he becomes deeper and deeper into himself. There is a fear of mistakes, there is self-doubt. And even if this is not demonstrated, but deep inside it always remains.
Toxic relationships
A person is inclined to reach out to others like himself. Therefore, people with a lack of love look for the same disadvantaged and start a relationship with them based on partial misunderstanding. But the worst thing is when children are born in such a relationship. After all, parents are not familiar with a paradigm of behavior other than the one learned from childhood. And there is one more disliked child in the world.
Insecurity
People who are used to relying solely on themselves rarely pay attention to others. And the promises made to these other people. This further aggravates social isolation and causes condemnation of others.
Depression
Specific physiological depression. Chronic lack of serotonin and dopamine. It is useless to communicate with psychologists here - you must first undergo substitution therapy and only then try to do something. Added to this is an increased sensitivity to stress.
Hypersensitivity
If a child experiences an acute lack of attention and love from childhood, then over time it develops into a chronic one. Such children tend to pay too much attention to their deep inner experiences and to elevate any situation to an absolute. Added to this is a lack of understanding of the motivation for other people's actions.
The website team and journalist Artyom Kostin remind you that - the basis of all harmonious family relations... Even if not everything will be smooth in the material sense, nothing good will come of it without love.
Quiet, calm, absolutely not problematic children - mother's joy. Such children do not bring unnecessary trouble, they are one hundred percent obedient and predictable, comfortable in every sense. Mom said to play means we play, we need to eat - we eat without a murmur whatever we give, sleep on schedule and in general not a step from mom.
Children tend to grow up, and they bring this “convenience” into adulthood, they do not know how to go through life differently, they were taught that way.
From practice: the most surprising thing is that such adults with the “comfortable child” syndrome have very poor and gray childhood memories, the impression is that they were not children at all.
In adulthood, the “comfortable child” actively reaps the benefits of his convenience, while continuing to be comfortable for the people around him.
In the material world, which usually happens with comfortable things, we simply quickly get used to it and stop appreciating and sometimes even noticing their presence in our life.
The same situation takes place in human relations.
The “comfortable child” is, as it were, a priori doomed to play secondary roles in adult life. Inability to take initiative, problems with adaptation in a dynamic society, framework and functioning according to the rules of life clearly laid down in childhood, an underdeveloped body of desires, lack of specific goals, plays a cruel joke in adulthood. One of the options for the development of events may be loneliness.
Not taught to establish long-term contact, adapt, be active, take their place “under the sun” in a social group, emotionally withdrawn children, and then adults, are socially lonely hostages of their “peculiarities”.
Adults with “comfortable children” syndrome are very dependent on the parental family for a very long time, hence the problems of a personal nature, how to build their own family, if the family already exists “Mom, Dad, Me”. They simply have no need to separate, they have not been taught this.
From a certain moment, adult life implies the ability to make independent decisions, the ability to take responsibility, to be aware of the consequences and causes of their actions, “comfortable children” can never grow up to this moment internally.
It's good if you understand that something is wrong in life, that you want communication, you want high-quality life changes (although which ones are not yet clear), then a long conscious road of growing up begins, gaining new and vital experience that has not been received and not passed in childhood. And it’s good if there’s a person nearby who can guide, suggest, support, it’s very unlikely that it will be a mother, she could but didn’t manage to help get this experience back then, in childhood.
You can and should look for a helping hand; it is almost impossible to go this way alone. Finding such a person is already the first colossal step towards a new life.
Many mothers are in no hurry to let their little ones go into adulthood, considering them to be small and dependent until almost 30 years old. Is this parental behavior justified? And how can this end?
Fathers are usually much stricter on these kinds of matters. They believe that the sooner the chick flies out of the parent's nest, the better for everyone. Mothers are in no hurry to let their offspring go far away from themselves, they always worry about their children, right up to their very retirement.
If a son or daughter has come of age long ago, graduated from high school, but still lives with their parents, doing nothing around the house, and at the same time manage to beg for money, is this normal? Is there an age at which adult children simply need to be sent on their own, whether they like it or not?
5 signs that say it's time for a son or daughter to live apart
Here are 10 points. Read them carefully. If at least 5 of them correspond to reality, then it is time for your adult child to be evicted.
- You clean the house in splendid isolation, including the son's room. And he doesn't even think to offer you his help.
- The time for study is over, the son (or daughter) earns money on his own, but he has never offered you to buy groceries for home or pay utility bills.
- You cook for the whole family, including the heir. He doesn't care about his food.
- There are often guests in the house: friends of the offspring. In their company, you willingly spend time together.
- A son or daughter works all day. You worry if they are doing their job well.
- Money started to get common reason disagreements with her husband. They seem to be enough, but the faithful is annoyed that you are still sponsoring the small expenses of the offspring.
- The daughter often takes your things without permission and carries them with pleasure. You do not interfere with this state of affairs.
- An adult child brings a passion home for the night, and they lock themselves in his room. Acquaintance with parents is not included in the program of the "event". After a week or a month, the passion changes.
- When you come home, you are absorbed in only one thought: when your child will return home. The moment the front door opens is the best of the day.
- If you think about it, the only thing that scares you is that one fine moment an adult son or daughter will tell you that he is going to move and live separately.
Is it time or not?
In one family, a child leaves home at the age of 18, and in another only after 30. Is this normal? Everything is individual. In our country, it is often difficult for young people to acquire their own housing, so adult sons and daughters are forced to live in their parental territory until they start their own families. Is this such a necessary measure? Maybe you like that an adult child is always there, under supervision?
No wonder they say that better relationship with parents - at a distance
It is often convenient for adult children to live with their parents: there is no need to spend too much money and be burdened by everyday problems. Try to make life a little more difficult for the offspring: charge them with cleaning, buying food and preparing them, paying utility bills. Don't expect everything to work out all at once. Some children need to be taught to be independent. Many of them do not need financial support, but they are always glad to receive psychological help.
Sharing rules
You need to start building relationships with an adult son or daughter while still in their student days. Discuss the sibling's future plans. If you pay for your studies, you have the right to insist on certain household chores. By the way, by this time they should already appear in an adult child. You still don't collect his dirty clothes in every corner, do you? The offspring is also able to prepare breakfast and dinner for himself. And cleaning a room is generally the sacred duty of its permanent resident.
When the offspring is busy looking for himself and has no definite plans, think carefully about whether you are ready to finance this state of affairs.
Explain to your son (or daughter) that he is already an adult. And the house in which he lives is the parental one. Therefore, you will have to follow certain rules established by the father and mother, including overnight stays for permanent girls or guys. If you are not ready for this state of affairs, invite the couple to live separately.
If an adult child earns bread on his own, but still lives with you, you have the right to count on his contribution to pay for some of the utilities and food costs. Naturally, the amount should be reasonable: one fourth or one fifth of the entire salary. It's not that parents feel sorry for money. It is important to let the sibling understand that in adulthood, everyone has responsibilities that need to be fulfilled. Help me figure out financial issues, tell us exactly how to look for a job, but do not do everything yourself for your son or daughter.
