How to stop loving a person psychology. How to stop loving a person who does not love you? Psychologist's advice. Examples of the pros in parting

Unrequited love is a difficult test, but it is even more difficult to stop loving a person who does not experience reciprocal feelings. Therefore, those who have not met reciprocity in love suffer from unrequited tenderness, from a gift of fate turned into punishment. From the outside it seems that unhappy lovers just need to pull themselves together and show a little will to stop loving a person. In fact, it is very difficult to stop loving a person by an effort of will, and usually it takes a lot of time. Psychologist's advice on how to stop loving a person can speed up this process.

Men and women suffer approximately equally from unrequited love, but women, due to their greater emotionality, are more often looking for a way to stop loving a man, while representatives of the strong half of humanity keep painful thoughts in themselves. In addition to emotionality, women are inclined to believe in the supernatural, so they try to stop loving a person with the help of magic, conspiracies and other mysterious rituals. There is nothing wrong with that as long as plots and potions don't harm anyone. But if you really want to stop loving a guy, it's best to use scientific methods, not fantastic ones.

Unrequited love: reasons, features and types of love without reciprocity
All people fall in love, that's the way we are. Someone will call it fate, someone will explain it by the basic instinct, but the fact remains: everyone is submissive to love, this mechanism works without failures. Its main flaw: inconsistency. Falling in love is only half the battle and without reciprocity it remains undivided. Unrequited love is insidious and dangerous. She pushes exalted and passionate people to rash actions and words, even to crimes. Rarely does anyone manage, of their own free will, to quickly stop loving a person who does not love, but this happens. "Magic!" - the romantics will exclaim. "Self-control ..." - the pragmatists chuckle. “A little bit of everything,” we say and explain our opinion.

Unrequited love is, in fact, an unfinished situation, one of the typical problems of relationship psychology. It would be naive to hope for the help of higher powers: they do not send love and it is not for them to stop it. Romantic affection and the accompanying vivid emotions are the result of the complex activity of the human nervous system, which is influenced by hormones and the individual characteristics of the psyche. Therefore, you can stop loving a person only through consistent work in the following directions:
All three situations have one thing in common: their root lies within you, and not in external causes. That is why magic will not help you stop loving a person, no matter how you want it. In theory, conspiracies and lapels to stop loving a person can only work in one case: if you sincerely believe in their power. Then a complex, psychosomatic effect, a kind of self-hypnosis, will turn on. If this path suits you, then why not. But from a rational point of view, we would advise you to stop loving a person without self-deception.

So, you decided to follow the path of a reasonable person who does not believe in inexplicable and unconfirmed forces. Stop worrying, suffering and hoping for the return of your beloved. It's time to stop loving the person who stopped loving you first. Choose the appropriate method or try each of the suggested ones:
It is not easy to stop loving the person who has taken possession of your heart, so the implementation of any of these plans will take time and will require effort. But the goal and result of working on yourself - a life without regrets, tears and empty expectations - will support you on the path to inner freedom. Time will pass, and you will completely calmly remember the time when unrequited love caused you so much pain. You can even chat with your ex-lover if you want. In the meantime, take care of yourself, take care of yourself and be happy in spite of all adversity!

"How to stop loving a person who does not love you?" - I think this question was asked by each of us. How to stop loving? But do we really want to stop loving? Or do we want something different?

Maybe we want to stop suffering? What do we really want by asking ourselves this question?

What is falling in love?

When we fall in love, we become dependent on each other. Everything is of decisive importance: looks, intonation, gestures, touch ... Everything takes on a special meaning. And all this paints our life in unusually happy colors.

It's strange: falling in love, we seem to become ourselves.

And then we want to stop loving - for the same purpose, to return ourselves to ourselves.

It turns out that we give our happiness into the hands of another person. Let this person be loved, but still he is different. We make someone responsible for our condition. For our feelings. For our thoughts. For our future.

"I am happy only if you are near and love me too"

As if we say: “That's it, now I love you! And now I am happy only if you are near and also love me the way I want it! " Of course, we do not say it out loud, most likely we do not even realize it. But in fact, this is often the case.

And while our beloved justifies these hopes of ours - we are really happy, and how! But expectations tend not to be justified. Resentment and frustration build up. And the thought "I am happy only with you" is replaced by the thought "if it were not for you, we would be an ideal couple." Then this desire arises - to stop loving.

Why should we become indifferent and detached in relation to another person?

For what purpose do we want to stop loving?

• To stop feeling hurt, disappointment, despair, powerlessness.
• To learn to enjoy life again.
• To feel your independence. Your freedom. Your own power to create your own destiny and your own happiness.

But if this is so: if we ourselves choose our state, if we ourselves decide whether to be happy or to suffer - why then give up love?

Why give up love?

So what do we really want? Stop loving? Or get away from addiction? Take your life for yourself and become responsible for it? Become satisfied with your destiny?

Only by setting ourselves the conditions "for this I need to forget" - we are deceiving ourselves.

How to stop loving a married man?

Perhaps my words will serve as this injection or pill.

Why do you not appreciate and respect yourself so much that you have chosen such a man for yourself?

Why are you punishing yourself by depriving yourself of the opportunity to start a family and give birth to a child? Yes, to suffer and torment with love is an honor. Russian women - that's how they love. Outburst. Painful. Painfully. But why do you need this?

If you want to put an end to the relationship - do it abruptly. Do not "slowly forget", do not "try" not to call. Make a decision. And - forget! Do not call!

Because these sluggish relationships - they give hope that love will flare up with renewed vigor, that some miracle will happen. And it's like a short leash that prevents you from starting to build new relationships.

Without completing a relationship with one partner, it is impossible to build it with another.

Expert in the psychology of love

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Alexander

Hello everybody! After reading your statements, I realized that I am not alone in this world. I am 38 years old, and I also went through mental tests (suffering). For 7 years I could not live normally, trying to forget the woman. After a few more years, he simply struck out of life, did not love anyone. I resigned myself to this, but this state also does not lead to anything, except for the loss of time. We met by chance two years ago. We went in a minibus, it was very late and we were only two of the passengers. A conversation ensued, and when it was time for me to leave, she asked for my phone number. So I found my love. She has a son, now he is already eight. It so happened that my children do not, although they could be. All these two years I loved her very much, although they swore and put up, lived like the majority. I never raised my hand against a woman, so they brought up. And in general, it does not fit in my head how you can do something similar in relation to the one you love. Considering her stories that it was this that influenced the fact that she lost interest in her ex-husband, and soon left him altogether. According to her, she did not know such a tender attitude as I treated her before meeting me. A couple of months ago we found out that we will have a baby. And it seems that here it is, happiness. Everyone was very happy with this news, I mean their relatives. Everyone supported her in every possible way, cheer her up. The gynecologist also said that everything was going well. She went around while I was at work. I confess, I roared like a young boy. She does not want to be with me further. But I still love her and I can’t do anything about it. I treat religions like a commercial store, where everything is for money, if you want to be baptized, pay, etc. But I am sure that our creator sees and hears us, and I understand that we were created like that. And that is precisely why it is not in our power, to fall in love or to stop loving. We are not robots to ask ourselves programs, we are people, created by our Creator. I confess to you, it is unbearably painful when you love her, breathe her, and she is not you. This is life, and we have no other.

Anastasia

Hello! I talked for several months in the company of young people, often met, had fun. She had no special feelings for anyone - she considered everyone equally good friends ... As it turned out later, three (!) Liked me at once. Of course, I let them know that I don't see my soul mate in them, and we continued to communicate ... But now, I began to look closely at one of my "friends" ... Everyone has already noticed that I belong to him in a special way. I denied everything, and blamed everything on the fact that we are best friends, believing in it myself. And so, one day a new lady appeared in our company, and my ld fell in love with her ... I began to feel wild jealousy and at one point I realized that I love him ... Petty quarrels followed because of my stupid behavior. Now we walk less often, and if we walk, then I simply do not exist for him ... Now he assures his friends that he never liked me, although he himself confessed his sympathy. WHAT DO I DO?!

I feel very bad, and time does not heal.

Pearl

Probably it's strange, but I got used to a person in 3 weeks and now I feel that I can’t live without him (((in the beginning he himself started and acquaintance was all his initiative, and now I suffer from My feelings (((I feel very bad and I I start to endure his brain, he just puts me everywhere in a block and is silent, and I cry from powerlessness (((

Hello, I am 14 years old and I like the boy, but he likes my best friend. They met, but she left him, and he still continues to love her, and I don’t want to love him, it hurts and hurts me. Therefore, I want to stop loving or even lose the feeling of love. And falling out of love will not work at all, because he studies with me in the same class.

We started dating a guy, I just liked him, he said that he loved, at some point I realized that I couldn't live without him, but we constantly quarreled, often over trifles, in the end he could not stand it and with another quarrel more I didn’t want to put up, and even accused me that I was to blame for everything ... But I love, I cry, I don’t want to live.

Hello! I also wanted to write my own story. The bottom line is that I love a person very much, we have known each other for 11 years, but there was really no relationship. He lives in another city, and I in another. We met like that when I called for a visit or I went on business. Just recently, after three years, we saw each other. I confessed my feelings to him, he told me that he heard me, and offered to talk, see. No, he didn’t tell me, but he didn’t say Yes either. I don’t know what to do with it, now I’m in my city, he’s here! We communicate on the Internet, but even then until I write, he will not write. Everyone offers to talk, but I don’t know how to start a conversation. I don’t recognize myself. If you can tell me.

I love a guy for 15 years, I started dating when he was 19, and I was 16. Not my type, tastes, interests, temperament - everything is different! Every day, like a cat and a dog. I thought we were going to kill each other. I decided that I had to leave and left. I changed my phone, didn't open the door, changed my social circle, threw my things away. I didn't look for cons in it, tk. I did not find any pluses. I thought it was difficult at first, but then it would pass. a year, two, three - not passed. She got married for 5 years. Went with friends to the park, met him. I’m standing, then, telling me how happy I am, and he has tears in his eyes. I came home, I think - who am I kidding ?! Divorced. I went to a psychologist, taught me how to live, while I was walking to the house, I can see I stumbled somewhere, what I taught I forgot. So I live, I meet, I break up, and I love him. I don’t harbor illusions, I don’t look for meetings, I just love it.

Love is a wonderful feeling, if this feeling is mutual, if not, it is self-destruction. And time in this case does not heal, learn to love yourself, respect yourself and be happy!

It hurts me very much, I want to die, but I have two children ... I love him very much. But he is cheating on me. I want to stop loving him, but how? After all, he lives with me, he is my husband. I hate him.

Michel I have the same situation, just identical. Have you thought to stop communicating with him? Or talk?

I fell in love with a young man to the point of madness, we liked each other very much and quickly everything started spinning, we got close to us, it was always good in two, and there is always a video of his desire and feelings on it, but one day I asked a question that he didn’t like. Who am I to you? He replied that he appreciated my attitude towards him but could never love me. rarely see each other but still see each other. Soon, like 3 years, we rarely meet. If there are no feelings, I think he would not have continued although it is difficult to understand him. wishes always in love no? In short, I got confused, but I can't talk to him, he knows, and the last time we said something to him, we grew up for more than a year, but I couldn't forget him and resumed the relationship, but we still meet only for intimacy, he doesn't need anything else (( (

I loved deeply, to the point of madness. But he betrayed, changed. I forgave because of the children, but in my mind he always slept, but he met with her a couple of times later. What to do? You cannot return the old relationship, only pain and resentment. There is not enough courage to leave him. We live like neighbors

I'm 39 and I fell in love like a schoolgirl with a young guy. It hurts that together we can never be! He likes to spend time with me both spiritually and physically, but he is not ready to start a family with me. Why do we love those with whom we cannot be near? Love is a wonderful feeling, for which you have to pay with tears.

I wish everyone MUTUAL FEELINGS. To love is happiness. Flight. This is kindness to everyone. You forgive enemies. You want to smile to everyone. This is intoxication from the voice of a dear person. And such peace and protection when you are hugged in a dream.))) I myself suffer from betrayal. Everything burns inside. But I’m sure - a lot of good guys in life. I hope I have already met him. HAPPINESS to all!

anonymous

Yes, I liked the article very much

Alexandra

All comments are old. But now my time has come to fall into these nets, I love, I get sick, I suffer. Married for 20 years. The son is an adult. With my husband as flatmates. It's all about work career. I work among men. I use my beauty, harmony, independence. I thought such a bitch that no one would swing and disturb the peace of mind. There were hours in my life when I was alone, reading, listening to an audiobook, drinking coffee, etc. how I treasured this time. Once I met a man, I needed a deal to make money. Well, I included a 100% woman. Everything went well. A year later I had to call him ... Money, money ... So he got my phone ... SMS for SMS. On my birthday, the mood is awful, there is a full house at work, after 20 SMS a call. Well, I think fate, as an ass felt called. I answered. Damn, I didn't even know what he looked like ... I couldn't even remember. What words ... he spoke ... Night, day. I asked to meet ... After half a month, I believed that there are still men in the world ... We agreed to meet. Butterflies in my chest ... I flew ... All and everything to hell ... And HE GONE ... I HAVE BEEN DROPPED OUT OF THE PLANE ON THE MOVE ... After 20 days, I sent him an SMS sobbing. Itself. First. It turned out he had a different one and he was in a litter once again and then she decided to return. And he gave her another last regular chance. I hate my feelings. How could I deviate from the rules and principles. Met ... So no ice. And the words were not the only one for me. I am sick, I feel bad. And there will be no future, not because it’s not mine, I don’t want to, not mine. My dear girls ... You are so beautiful, good. Love, warmth, comfort are with us in this world. Love yourself, make yourself happy, so in this world, now we are princes for ourselves on white horses 🙂 cars. Pamper yourself. Love, have pity. And do not let yourself be disturbed by those who value you. And more. The proverb "" wedge by wedge knocked out "" thrown out of your diet. Don't start a new relationship if your heart groans differently. Be ill, close the door from which you left. And only then climb into the soul of another.

Kristina

The article is super. one can only hope for the time of all good luck and will certainly meet. your happiness. you will be loved and you will be loved.

Hello, everyone has similar situations. My wife and I lived for 8 years, and I found out that she was cheating on me with my only friend, we parted as usual. But I wanted to write about something else, so you write that your half does not care about you, I want to upset that this is not always the case, sometimes we men also get confused in relationships, everyday life. If your person is really dear to you, talk to him and he may understand. They change it not because of a good life, now I understand almost all my mistakes, I understand that I myself pushed my loved one to this step. Time has passed back, and I don’t want to return either trust or love, and I don’t want to climb, maybe she found her happiness ... But there was an opportunity to change everything, if only I understood my mistakes earlier. I didn’t even think that I love her, but only now when one understands that the relationship by itself is not built, this should be promoted. And your other half simply may not know that he is madly in love with you, or simply does not know how, help her

Valentine

I also love my husband very much for 9 years. And he doesn't have me. We, too, began a relationship, everything was fine, it was a month that we met and then he began to change. And I already fell madly in love. And I swallowed the pills and did not eat, did not drink morally, but didn’t help. Then I won favor, but not for long then he beat me badly. We have 2 beautiful children, but he still doesn't love me, and I can't leave him, but he continues to cheat on me. How to stop loving help.

We have very similar stories with Alina. I have known him for 4 and a half years. We used to study in the same class, but the responsibilities of the headman distracted me. We literally every day fought several times, yelled and even threw up our hands. After 2 years, I left that school, but after studying for a year without him, I found out that he would study in my class, but he fell into my parallel and his mother did not allow him to go to my class. It gets harder each time. I always tried to avoid him, erase him from my memory, but he again burst into my life. I can't look a person in the eye! I am afraid that he might see my pain, emptiness and loneliness. I hide all my feelings from everyone and everything. They say that the louder a person's laughter, the more pain in the soul. This phrase is about me. Friends, relatives, acquaintances do not know about my feelings. They think that I have no reason to be sad.

I'm in the same asshole as you all, too bad, it also hurts unbearably, but I endure! I am such a person that I also like to analyze situations ... so you know what I think, I'm probably a masochist! I already even think that I do not love, but this is a psychological illness called love frustration! So this is what I want to say, we are all to blame for this misfortune called I love to live, I can’t live, because they gave me a weak point. No matter how rude it may sound, people are selfish and think only about themselves, and when I gave myself completely to one person, then it was then that I gave this weakness ... He became the meaning in life, and when he realized this he began to wipe his feet simply! So the conclusion is that this is not love!

Good evening, I read your statements it's hard to love (((it's not terrible to realize this fact, but it is so. What to do in this case? ...

I love one guy for 4 years now. 2 years ago we were friends or it seemed to me. studied in the same class now in different ones, so I decided to stop loving him. I’m afraid we’ll finish school and disperse forever. so much it seemed that I forgot but one of his glances and all over again! I think he is my first and school love.

And I suffer for 5 years ... I fell in love. I was constantly looking for at least some hints that he was not indifferent to me ... There were breaks when I felt free from all thoughts about him. But it all started anew (breaks are holidays when I was looking for an object for thoughts, plans with all my might). It was worth seeing him ... Feel his gaze on you EVERYTHING DROPPED! And now my given break lasts 4 months. I found myself a person who needs it. Serious plans for the distant future, if any. I am attached to a person ... But I am afraid that the flame will flare up again. And in general, the fact is that I am afraid that I will never fall in love with a person in the future ... that he will constantly stand between me and another person

Ksenia 19 years old

“My first love” I loved to madness the guy who left me, and I could not fall in love with him for 5 years. Only he didn’t even have a new relationship in my head. But he told me that he would have a wedding soon. And I don’t even I cried in my insides it became empty I do not understand butto I never loved him so madly, but at the same time the feeling of being alone. There is no sadness or joy, everything is empty inside. Maybe I fell in love?

I love my husband very much. together for almost 5 years, two children 4.5 and 3 years old. but life became unbearable. he doesn't care about me. I'm sitting waiting for him. and he is with friends. I'm trying to talk about sending. I go and tear my hair because I can't live without it. I no longer have the strength to live like this. I live in a village of entertainment. no girlfriends. what do people do ?????????????????????

Victoria

I am looking for people who are close in spirit among the letters. Two years ago she buried her beloved, what strength it took to endure this loss, how many books and articles were calculated, how many thoughts changed, sleepless nights lived, tears and anger shed. The time has come, the pain subsided and life presented a new relationship, fell in love again, so much so that without looking into the pool of love, I was married, a month of dates, the embrace of passionate nights. It seemed that it was he who was bestowed by fate, but in an instant I had to understand and make a decision that we could not be together! We both suffer, but the decision is firm, anyway, sooner or later we would have to disperse. I hope to meet a real man, who will not have to share with anyone. Believe in yourself and take care of true love!

Time does not heal ... alcohol and casual dating. Seconds spent with someone else are treated. Treat long streets and avenues with lights. Huge glasses, behind which you can't see your tired eyes. They treat dreams of summer, of a new life. And time ... time does not heal, time passes by, but nothing changes ...

I can’t understand how this could happen to me. Although they’ll be surprised. Everything as usual I got into a mess again. And what to do now. No advice helps. I can’t get him out of my head for a second. I don’t want to breathe. ”

Yes, it's hard to let go of a loved one. She has been married for 8 years, my daughter is 3 years old. Misunderstanding and disruptions in relationships began when my daughter was 2 years old. My husband began to move away, spend a lot of time at work, all the homework and caring for my daughter ended up on me. He began to spend a lot of time with friends - tennis, billiards, sauna, football 2 times a week. I am financially dependent on him, before the decree I earned good money, then I quit, and after 2 months it turned out that I was pregnant. I've already spent a lot of time at home - 4 years. When my daughter turned 2 years old, since then everything has been trying to find a job, but everything is not easy with the garden, we get sick often, grandmothers are far away, we don’t pull the nanny, it’s impossible to work. There is no strength to stay at home. I understand that I have lost myself somewhere, I have become probably not interested in my husband, he also probably wants to spend more time in other relaxed places, where life does not burden, the child, the wife is out of sorts. But after all, the factories of the child we signed up for this together, it’s hard for me too, but I can’t and I don’t want to give it up. Many times we touched on the topic of our relationship with my husband, half a year ago it turned out that he had a mistress, they talked for a long time, and at that moment he made a choice in favor of the family, said that he believed that everything would still work out for us and did not want his daughter was an incomplete family. I believed, but the feeling of the presence of a second woman in his life did not leave me and was gnawing from the inside all the time! I understood that he was no longer mine as before, and that with her, in fact, everything might not be over yet. Everything did not go well with us. On the frankness of the conversation, he admitted that she did not leave his thoughts. But he will try. I never felt this effort, he did not get closer. We quarreled a lot, sorted out the relationship, I told him that I could do this more and we'd better part, although I loved and love him now. As a result, during the last conversation, when I said that I love him and want to be together, he said that he no longer felt anything for me, that this situation did not excite him as before. But earlier, he did not pretend that my words and proclamations to part, to end this relationship worried him, he did everything as it was convenient for him. And now he says that everything is lost and it is too late. Perhaps it is easy for anyone, because. he is not alone and he continues to have a relationship with that woman, but what should I do? I would like to try to forget him, but he does not want to move out of the apartment, because. financial question does not allow, and the apartment is on credit, and I am unemployed so far. they say what will I pay, this is some kind of utopia. And I might have found a way, but at the stage of common living and moral oppression - now it's hard for me to do it! I don’t know how to cope with the situation, with my feelings, when you see a person every day, and every second you understand that he doesn’t care about you ...

just a man

I love half a year. Just before she was with me in the same city, but right now she’s in Yaroslavl ...... I love her but I can’t date her, .............. my heart just suffering from heartache

Alexander

My friends. I have never loved before. I had quite a bit of respect. and I thought I had learned to control my feelings. that I will not allow myself to fall in love, but I screwed up, fell in love not noticeably. I don’t know whether it’s love or being in love. but I know one thing, the pain in my soul, I can’t forget. and together it is difficult for us. the only one to adjust your psychology. that another person is waiting for you. whom you will love and he will reciprocate. you just have to find it. and you will be happy !!!

We often intersect at school. He pays attention to me, looks in my direction, greets in return. But communication does not support in any way. Although I told him about my feelings. And he understands everything, but there is no communication at all. Answers only general phrases. Although the string added up correspondence with him, and he writes quite interestingly. Damn, I love him madly, but he doesn't need me, how can I forget him?

And like everyone else ... he is married, I am married. They met for seven years. I loved, very much. And he ... I don't even know now. The word "used" is more appropriate. What did I not do for him ... I would give my life. And he has one job in his head and in the evening to go home to his family. I tried to leave, does not let go, says I can’t live without you. And again, all over again, as if into a whirlpool with the head. And so already several times. I don’t know what to do. Now I left again, I do not answer SMS. And in my soul there is such a longing - at least howl ...

Love is beautiful, but sometimes it just hurts, it doesn't make us happy. You may have gone through a difficult breakup or are suffering from unrequited love. This experience is painful enough, and, most likely, you are wondering how to forget about failure and become a happy person again. You can stop loving a person if you stop seeing them, learn to cope with sadness and move forward.

Steps

Move away

If you're still together, put an end to it and end the relationship. If you are trying to stop loving the person you are working with, now is the time to break up with them. It can be just unrequited love, or it can be a faded and changed for the worse relationship - collect your thoughts and part, be calm, but firm in your decision.

• Say, “Even though I love you so much, I need to move on. You said that you didn’t love me, and I decided that I wanted to build a relationship with someone who would take care of me as much as I do about him. ”
• You can also say, “Although I love you dearly, we have never had a happy relationship. I cried much more often than I smiled, and this is not good. We can talk about this for a long time, but I have already made a decision. "

1. Try to see this person as little as possible. When you are trying to forget someone, you need to spend as little time with that person as possible. Find other routes to get to work, transfer to a different class or group. If you have mutual friends, you will have to see them a little less often, because you know that your loved one can often spend time with them.

   • If you work or study together, talk to him only when necessary.

2. Unsubscribe from him on social networks (or block him). Remember the good saying, "Out of sight, out of mind." Try not to date this person, not only in real life, but also on social networks. Block his profile so that none of you can write to each other and view each other's personal information and news. If you do not want to block him, at least unsubscribe from him so that you do not have to stumble upon his posts in the news feed.

   Cut all ties with this person. Do not communicate with him, even if he tries to speak to you. The less you communicate with him, the faster you can stop loving. However, there are times when you still need to communicate. For example, if you have a common child, if you are working on the same project, as well as in those moments when you need to pick up your things (or return his things to him).

   • If you have to socialize, make an appointment in a neutral place that won't stir up your old feelings, such as a cafe. Be calm, but not overly friendly. When you start a conversation, be polite and ask about his business. But then quickly get to the point of the conversation.
   • Say something like this: “I'm glad you're doing well. Okay, now let's talk about Ira. Tomorrow her preparatory classes begin, and we need to agree and draw up a schedule of who and when will pick her up from class.

3. Avoid "yours with him" places. If the place where you kissed for the first time or had your first date evokes a storm of memories and feelings in you, it is better to stay away from this place. Although you will not be able to forget those times, you do not need to succumb to memories, because they will prevent you from falling out of love with this person.

   If possible, take a vacation. Try to go somewhere for a short time. This will ensure that you don't meet your loved one for at least a few days. Take a vacation and go on a trip on your own or with friends and family.

   • If your budget doesn't allow you, arrange a day trip. Take a trip to a big city for sightseeing or to the beach.

Coping with loss

1. Take away all the things that remind you of this person. Do you have a photo of you in your bedroom? Throw it away or put it away. Did he forget your old sweater that you now have in your closet? Donate it to charity. These little reminders keep you from forgetting and falling out of love, so you need to get rid of them.

2. Instead of reminiscing about good times with this person, focus on their flaws. Perhaps you often remember funny and funny moments that you experienced with your loved one. If this is the case, immediately try to remember not very happy times. After all, there is a reason why you want to stop loving this person. So focus on this reason, because it was she who led you to this decision.

   • For example, remember the moments when this person treated your mom rudely, brought you to tears on your birthday, how selfish and insensitive he is.

Move on

1. Change your life. When you're trying to stop loving someone, you need to take care of yourself first. Now he or she who suffered from unrequited love in the past. Create a new or new self - create a new personality with new feelings. Refresh your wardrobe, change your home environment, find new goals. The following are the changes you can make to your life:

   • Throw away clothes that you haven't worn in years. Replace it with new stylish items.
   • Rearrange your home or buy new furniture.
   • Update your resume and try to find a new job with good conditions.

If you love someone, but he does not love you, then it may well give up that the end of the world has come! The pain you feel in this case is not ephemeral. Scientists have proven that the pain of a broken heart activates the same neurons in the brain as ordinary physical pain! And even if you don't order your feelings and heart, you can cope with rejection and unrequited love and live on!

Steps

Part 1

Understand that the pain you feel is completely normal. Yes, unrequited love - it hurts, it hurts almost for real, and all because a "broken heart" triggers the reaction of the parasympathetic nervous system (it is she, by the way, that controls the heartbeat and muscle tension). The pain of unrequited love is natural, so embrace it and help yourself.

Allow yourself to grieve. If your love is not mutual, it hurts. To overcome the pain, you will have to allow yourself to grieve over the hurt and the missed opportunity. There is nothing wrong with indulging in your emotions, unless you get stuck in this state. Actually, it is more beneficial for health if you are sad and will not suppress your emotions.

• If you can, take a little away from everything that fills your life and surrender yourself to sadness. This will help create a healing environment so you can deal with your emotions. For example, when you first realize (or have been told) that this person will never reciprocate, you need to be alone with your thoughts for a while, even if it’s just the usual 15-minute walk from work.
• But don't get drunk with despair. If you have not left the house for weeks, have not taken a shower and wore the same well-worn sweater, which is long overdue to burn, then you have gone beyond reason. Feeling sad is natural, but if you don't try to focus on your life again, you will continue to think about that person and experience love agony.

1. Realize that you cannot control the other person and their feelings. Yes, your reaction in the first moments after receiving a refusal may be thoughts like: “Yes, I will make him / her love me!”, And this is natural - natural, but absolutely meaningless and incorrect. You can only respond and control yourself and your reactions. To convince, force or force someone to reciprocate, alas, will not work.

   • By the way, we can’t always control our own feelings, so it’s worth working on.

2. Stay away from this person. In part, creating a space around you to grieve, and then continue to live - perhaps if this person is not in your life. You don't have to completely eliminate your unrequited love from life, but you really need to take a break.

   • You can even talk and say something like, “I know you don’t love me the way I would like you to. But I really need some free space to overcome my feelings. " If he is a good person, you will get the space you want, even if she / he is hurt a little by the distance between you.
   • If the person you are trying to stop loving is someone you have relied on for a long time and could ask for emotional support, find another friend to fill that role. Ask a friend if you can count on help when you want to talk to someone you are trying to distance yourself from.
   • Remove this person from social networks, or at least hide his or her posts, remove the number from your mobile contacts to exclude the temptation to get back in touch. You don't want something to constantly remind you of him / her and what that person is doing. This will make it harder for you to keep your distance.

3. Express your own feelings for yourself. Give your emotions a way out, do not keep them in yourself, provoking a breakdown! This will help you get through this painful experience. Yes, loss or disappointment often makes us withdraw into ourselves, at least at first. Nevertheless, there is no need to hope that these feelings will disappear by themselves - just as it is not necessary to belittle yourself for the fact that you all feel it. Express your feelings openly and honestly!

   Understand that this is best for you. As wonderful as the person is, you better not love someone who doesn't love you. Moreover, love is blind to flaws. When you stop loving a person, chances are you will notice the reasons why the relationship between the two of you would not have taken place anyway.

   Don't blame him / her. Just as you cannot control your falling in love, so this person cannot control his feelings. If you start accusing this person that you are just friends or for not reciprocating, then you will simply put yourself in a disadvantageous light. The emphasis on bitterness won't play into your hands either.

   • You can be sad that your love is not mutual, and at the same time not turn it all into a search for someone to blame. If your friends start blaming the person for not responding to your feelings, thank them for their support, but say, “It's not fair to blame the person for something over which they have no control. Let's better focus on how I can overcome this. "

4. Get rid of reminders. You may be crying at having to do this, but it is an important step in the healing process. All these reminders around will complicate your future life, and you don't need this!

   • As you move from one thing to another, think about the memories you associate with it. Imagine that you are placing a memory in a balloon. When you get rid of the thing, imagine that the balloon with the memory is carried away and never comes back.
   • If you have a lot of items in good condition, consider donating them to a thrift store or donating those items to a homeless home. Imagine all the new memories that your oversized sweater, teddy bear or disc will bring them to a new owner. Let these associations now symbolize the changes you are going through in your life.

Part 2

1. Do not get drunk and do not call this person, do not write messages. In situations like this, especially in the beginning, people have a desperate feeling to call the person. Controlling yourself is much easier when sober. Drunken reproaches because you are not loved, or tears, because you are in great pain - and now they will definitely never want to deal with you. If there is even the slightest chance that you will do something that you will regret later, take some precautions.

   • Give your phone to a friend (preferably a "sober driver") with strict instructions not to give it to you, no matter what excuses you come up with or how much you beg.
   • Remove that person's number from your phone. This way you won't be tempted to call or text when you're drunk.

2. Get distracted. While it is impossible not to think about something, it is possible to divert your thoughts to something else until you start falling down the rabbit hole again. Every time a memory pops up, be distracted by another thought, activity, or project.

   • Call a friend. Pick up an exciting and entertaining book. Watch a delightful movie. Build something. Work in the garden. Do some math. Find something to do with yourself so that you can get this person out of your head for enough time. The more you don’t think about him or her and it becomes a habit for you, the easier it will become for you.
   • A handy trick is to give yourself a certain amount of time that you can think about this person. When you notice that unnecessary thoughts begin to creep into your head, tell them: “Not now. I'll deal with you later. " For example, you can start by devoting one hour a day to this. Throughout the day, you will brush aside the thoughts of your unhappy love and dive into them only in this allotted hour. Once the hour is over, you will be back to your normal routine.

3. Know that unrequited love is not painful for you alone. Yes, you were rejected, you are very, very hurt. Nevertheless, according to scientists, this is a double-edged sword - it hurts and the one who rejected you! Few people enjoy hurting other people.

   • Remember that someone who has not reciprocated can be very unpleasant because he / she cannot give you what you need. You yourself understand that if you are not reciprocated, it’s not because you managed to fall in love with someone who only dreams of hurting you.

4. Make a list of all the good things in you. Refusal can awaken a terrible self-criticism in you, who will convincingly prove that there is nothing to love you for. Don't let this monster wake up! Do not think that there will be no love in your life, since everything happened the way it happened. Scientists believe that those who do not forget that they are worthy of love cope with a broken heart faster and go through similar situations better in the future!

Part 3

Avoid mental triggers. It's hard to heal from unrequited love if you constantly remind yourself of the person who broke your heart. Don't look for a song that reminds you of this person or how you had a wonderful time.

Speak out to someone. Better to take off the emotional and difficult aspects of the healing process. If you cling to emotions, it will be more difficult for you to let go of them forever. Find someone to whom you can honestly tell what you are going through and how you are feeling.

Get the support of others. Rejection of any kind, especially romantic rejection, comes with serious difficulty — you begin to feel “isolated”. Yes, even if you didn’t manage to build a relationship with someone, but that doesn’t mean that you cannot strengthen your relationship with other people ?!

Don't frustrate your own healing. There are certain things that you must stop telling yourself. Certain thought patterns can thwart your healing and make it much harder to move forward.

• Tell yourself that you will live without that person, who, moreover, is far from ideal. You may well love someone else!
• Remind yourself that both people and situations change. How you feel right now will not last your entire life, especially if you are actively working to change your condition.

1. Treat the situation as an opportunity to get to know yourself better. Yes, no one wants to be left with a broken heart, but even this sad experience can be used with benefit - say, to get to know oneself from a new side, in order to grow above oneself-present. Unrequited love can be the key to personal growth in the future.

   Change your daily routine. According to research, doing something new - like taking a vacation, for example, or at least changing the route you take to work - is one of the best ways to kick old habits and replace them with new ones.

   • If you can't afford something big, make small, day-to-day changes a reality. Visit a new part of the city. Spend a Saturday night at a new establishment. Become a member of a new music group. Explore a new hobby like cooking or climbing.
   • Try to avoid anything too radical, unless you are sure you want to do it. During a difficult period of life, many people shave their heads or get a tattoo. It is better to wait until you feel a little better, and then decide on this kind of change.

2. Find yourself. You were so caught up in falling in love with someone that you completely forgot what it was like to just be yourself. Healing from unrequited love is a great time to determine who is behind these feelings for another person.

   Get out of your comfort zone. New activities and hobbies will help you move beyond your normal routine and you will no longer have associations with the person you are trying to let go. That is, you will be too busy trying new things to go crazy about the person who does not love you.

Part 4

1. Know when you are ready to move on. There is no specific period in which to move forward after unrequited love. Everyone goes through it at their own pace. However, there are certain signs that you are ready to move on and forget about the person who turned out to be uninterested in your love.

   • You start to notice what is happening in other people. Often, when a person is in the mourning stage, they tend to withdraw a little into themselves. When you become interested in what everyone else was doing at that time, you will know that you are on the right path to healing.
   • Every time the phone rings (especially if the number is not familiar to you), you no longer think that this is your loved one, who suddenly realized the depth of true love for you.
   • You have ceased to identify yourself with the hero of every song or film about unrequited love. Actually, you started to expand your repertoire to include things not only about love or love agony.
   • You no longer fantasize about the fact that this person will suddenly understand what mistake he made, and how strong the love between you is, after which it will fall at your feet.

2. Avoid relapse. Even if you’re ready to move on with your life, it is sometimes possible to re-catch love fever if you’re not careful. It's like pulling stitches out of a wound too early. She heals well, but is not yet ready for intense exercise.

   • Do not spend time with this person and do not allow him or her to come back into your life if you are not sure that this will not be a return of old feelings for you.
   • If you find yourself starting to return to the past, try not to worry too much about it. You have already put in enough effort to overcome everything, and your work will not go to waste. Backtracking happens and if you decide to give up right away, it will be very difficult in the long run.

People often turn to psychological counseling with the following questions: “How to stop loving a person who does not love you? Is it possible to snatch from a heart from which no one is of any benefit or joy? " And they come not because they have more, but because it takes away so much moral strength that there is no longer any left for the rest in life. And new relationships do not start, because the old ones are not yet fully completed. The result is pain, despair and mental emptiness, which reach such a degree that a person decides to turn to a specialist with his misfortune.

Naturally, each situation is unique and it is impossible to give a general algorithm of actions that will lead to the desired goal of absolutely everyone. However, there are some general answers to the question: "How to stop loving a person who does not love you?"

who doesn't love you: writing practices

Written practices are a method to “discharge the battery” of feelings, that is, to remove the heat, passion, to reduce This work is done alone, and its purpose is to bring inner experiences outside, look at them from the outside, detachedly. It is necessary to complete the tasks step by step, taking this process seriously and responsibly, since it is unlikely that it will be possible to quickly stop loving a person who was dear without any effort.

Workshop: feelings and desires

You should not leave your feelings to chance and exclaim: “How can you stop loving a person with whom you were so connected? Only time can heal the soul! " It is better to just take and follow the described points. Love will pass in a period from a couple of days to a month - and you will again be a free person, open to new relationships.