Every day we communicate with a huge number of people. Some communicate only in order to derive some benefit for themselves. How to determine which of your friends is real and who only uses you? In this article, we will give valuable tips to help you recognize a loyal friend and all those who should not be trusted. So, a real friend is ...
Pay attention to what your friends are saying
Listen to what your friend says in front of other people. Does his attitude towards you change due to the presence of your mutual acquaintances? Remember, a true friend should support you in any situation, even if you are in the minority with him and the rest of the company protests against your decision. Pay attention to whether you feel more relaxed around your friend. If you have a relationship of trust, then his presence should cheer you up. Remember, did your friend say that you will not succeed, did he discourage you from trying to fulfill some old dream? If such conversations were between you, then most likely a friend is simply jealous of you, you should not expect support from such a person, he can leave you alone at the most inopportune moment. A true friend will support any of your undertakings and not only in words!
A true friend will always notice your new clothes, haircut, or academic accomplishments. And if your friend prefers to talk only about herself, then she is not interested in you. Remember the last time you heard a praise or compliment from your friend? Does she support you before important exams or a date with a guy you care about? The old adage that a friend is known in trouble is still relevant to this day. As you can see, first you need to take a closer look at what your best friend says and perhaps already at this stage you will understand that your friend is insincere with you.
A true friend always listens to you with interest!
In the previous paragraph, we already mentioned that real friends talk not only about themselves, but also about their comrade, and with a sincere genuine interest and desire to help. Think about how often you and your friend talk about your problems and concerns? Doesn't she transfer the topic to herself, as soon as such an opportunity presents itself? A real friend should not only listen to you, but also give good advice! Try to check your friend if you cannot confidently answer the question: is the friend listening to you and how attentively. Talk to her about some of your life situation and pay attention to her reaction, especially to her eyes and facial expressions: a person listens carefully if he demonstrates participation: he nods, does not break eye contact and is not distracted by extraneous noises.
And if a friend starts looking around, answering inappropriately and checking the phone every minute, she is not interested. After a while, you can remind her of this conversation and see how much she remembers from what you said to her. All people are selfish, but your best friend should be genuinely interested in your life. If this is not the case, perhaps your friend is using you. Let's say right away: you shouldn't look for excuses for her, because would you remember that she fell in love or wants to connect her future with journalism? So she should be interested in you as well.
Does your girlfriend gossip about you?
Unfortunately, girls often can't keep their mouths shut, but this shouldn't be about best friends. Remember, if you find out that a friend is spreading gossip about you, you need to seriously talk to her. If you are sure that your friend is not being slandered, keep your distance from her. Do not trust secrets and secrets, because all of them can then become the property of the whole class. In short, take a closer look at your friend! Perhaps she's talking about you behind her back? If so, then she cannot be called a real friend!
How often does a friend say no to you?
A true friend will always find time to communicate with you, if a friend often finds reasons not to meet with you, then perhaps she prefers more interesting activities. Remember that a best friend is a 24/7 job. You can't be best friends at school, but not call or go out in your free time. Friends are interested in each other, which means that joint leisure should be perceived as recreation. If your friend walks with other people or even just sits at home, then she has enough of the communication that is. Try to talk to her about it. Often, girls become friends with someone in a team only so as not to be left alone, but such a pseudo-friendship, as a rule, ends right after school. Do not waste time on such people, perhaps someone close to you treats you much better and you should take a closer look at your surroundings!
A true friend is one who accepts your past, does not criticize the present, wishes well in the future and believes in your life goals and ideals. In general, you understand - it's you.
While a person goes to the goal - there is strength, as soon as it reaches - the strength is exhausted.
The sage accumulates knowledge all his life in order to use the right one at the right time. A commoner lives carelessly, and when trouble comes, he throws up his hands and scratches the back of his head.
Fate is stronger than man. It is predetermined by the circumstances of life. It is impossible to change them. But is it possible to influence the inevitability of fate? .. There is one way - to stop the flow of usual life with thought, to look into the distance, beyond which the result ...
Non-existence in the world is the highest happiness. The world lives by itself, you live by yourself. Without crossing.
The world is dangerous not because people do evil, but because evil goes unpunished.
Many statements are made for the sake of a beautiful meaning. It's nice to read, but you can't use it.
The triumph of evil is a policeman's inaction.
Evil loses its power before the law.
People are afraid of evil and do not value good, because evil can take revenge, and good does not require payment.
The propagandist hears only his own arguments, and in order not to listen to others, he shouts, covers his ears, interrupts.
Damn, I seem to have lost my sense of humor. I'm not laughing at the Christmas lights. Fun splashes, perky songs are sung, humorists humor, and I, as an insensitive idol, do not perceive anything. Even two kings who dance like Indian dancers on stage are not encouraging. I think I have bipolar depressive disorder. I remember how I laughed in the distant past during the New Year's lights, and the songs made me so happy that I wanted to dance. What happened? .. I think this emotional stupor developed as a result of the politicization of our TV. I am now worried about the fate of Ukraine more than my own country. Now I wake up and the first thing I do is find out that in a fraternal country, what is their salary and pension, they have been supplied with gas, are their homes heated? I am worried that others may have this, but I hope that they celebrated the new 2019 with joy and did not spend the evening in front of the TV in a stupor like me.
Reviews
I liked your thoughts, especially: "The world is dangerous not because people do evil, but because evil goes unpunished."
And I don’t watch TV at all during these holidays.
And all concerned people are worried about the fate of Ukraine, as well as people in Magnitogorsk. So many will understand you.
Good friends and good news to you in the New Year!
Thanks. This idea, of course, sounded in other variations, but I found mine ... As for Ukraine, this is irony for our TV, which raises the problems of Ukrainians and does not see their problems point-blank. It is a distraction of people from their real problems. The Ukrainians will figure it out on their own without us, and we have to think about our own, about our problems, when in the richest country in the world in terms of all the reserves of nature, the people live like the last beggar.
The daily audience of the Proza.ru portal is about 100 thousand visitors, who in total view more than half a million pages according to the traffic counter, which is located to the right of this text. Each column contains two numbers: the number of views and the number of visitors.
If we spend a lot of time with a person, wandering around city cafes or chatting on the phone, this does not mean that there is a real friend next to us. Mistakes in fake friends can cost us dearly - from specific evil in our personal life to a career collapse, and when faced with a fake relationship that was considered friendly, we can experience a sea of destructive emotions: from a mild sobering shock to severe disappointment in life. How to determine who is in front of you - friend or foe?
And it's easier to define than it seems. The main thing is not to deceive yourself and take an objective look at the relationship. If a "friend" brings negativity into life, if you constantly feel morally "beaten" in the process of communication, if you do not understand why his mood spoils in his presence, and with indirect participation troubles and losses occur - you should think carefully about whether to continue trusting relationship.
What are the signs of a phony friendship?
Real attitude comes through in the little things. Observe how the person you consider to be a friend treats you. Does he push you towards negative habits, does he quarrel with your loved ones? Was it such that, thanks to meeting with him, you had trouble - you drank too much, deceived a loved one, experienced real damage, moral or material? Does your friend often break promises? Doesn't he appear only when he needs something? Did you help you when you were in trouble? Did you support in joy? Does he often lie to you? Answering questions like this honestly will not let you stay.
You do not need to see hidden enemies in all people, communication with whom brings trouble. It is important to understand who is in front of you - a conscious enemy or an unconscious ill-wisher? Conscious enemy secretive, it is precisely him that is most difficult to bring "to clean water". Such a trap for another has been preparing for years if he wants to take revenge for something. Sometimes a secret enemy, cleverly pretending to be a friend, enters into trust so much that then it can easily destroy your whole life - both personal and social. With those who unconsciously harm you, you will feel awkward, bad luck and chronic fatigue.
Your friend is a loser or a gray personality, does he pretend to be anything in life? Such people often have unconscious envy, jealousy, or the desire to lower your "rating" in order to balance the inferiority complexes. If a friend emphasizes a lack of ambition, know that he will try his best to quietly lower your self-esteem, pull you down. Such friends often contribute to the fact that you become the same gray, uninteresting loser, it is easier for them to communicate with you this way.
Dangerous quiet envious... Does your friend keep his eyes on your companion or companion? Speaks out loud flattering compliments to your soul mate, emphasizing his loyalty during small misunderstandings or temporary discord? Admires a car, a house and at the same time says that he would like the same benefits, but "not with his happiness"? You should be extremely careful when dealing with such people. It is these quiet men who take girls and guys away, "sit up" at work, blurt out the secrets you have entrusted to your ill-wishers, or gossip and discuss you behind your back.
A true friend- not necessarily a comfortable person. He may be outraged if he feels inequality in a relationship, requires help with the use of all your opportunities and connections in order to become equal. He will not discuss his "soul mate", comparing with yours, he will not tear him away from his family and delay with a glass of beer if they are waiting for you at home. Your success will be perceived with undisguised joy and admiration, despite the jokingly poignant remark that you do not deserve such luck. A true friend can make you a scandal if he feels inattention and ignorance, will tell you the truth in your face - but he will do it in private, and not in public. Criticizing the fruits of your activity, he will certainly tell you how to improve the situation. He does not feel sorry for the time if you are in trouble, although outwardly this is sometimes accompanied by grumbling. He may have a bad temper! But this person has the main quality: he will never betray you.
We get to know people, communicate, get to know each other better and, based on what we have heard or seen, we draw conclusions - whether a person is pleasant to us or not. On an intuitive level, we enjoy communicating with like-minded people. But how do you know if friendly feelings are mutual?
Instructions
As the simple truth says - a friend is known in trouble. But the trouble is different. For a student, the real trouble is the test for which he has not prepared. Will a friend help him out in this case? He can give to cheat, if only he would stop poking at him with a pen, or he can deliberately turn away in order to give a lesson for life, showing what frivolity leads to. At the same time, he will sincerely regret his refusal to help. When trouble strikes, and many turn away, you need to turn to those who are nearby. It is those units that remained at a difficult moment to support a person not only in word, but also in deed, are worthy of being called.
A true friend will always intercede for his comrade, even if the strength is on the other side, and reprisals are inevitable. That's what friends are for, to get into stories together and just as amicably and collectively come out of them. A doubting friend, at best, will call someone else, or retire from the scene.
To test a friend's strength, you can create an artificial problem yourself. For example, dissolve an unpleasant rumor about yourself and wait for the reaction of friends. Those friends who support the rumor about an unpleasant story and begin to whisper about it with other comrades, promoting the rumor to the masses, are not worthy to be called friends. And whoever has swallowed an invented rumor, as if it did not exist, continuing to communicate with you mentally, is recognized as the best and most reliable friend. It happens that it is very difficult to meet sincere friends in life, not everyone passes the test, but, nevertheless, confidence in your neighbor will never hurt.
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Sometimes it is very difficult to determine who is our friend and who is our enemy. We often mistake for loved ones those who are capable of betrayal. This happens because there are rules of decency, which for some develop into flattery. So it seems that if a person smiles, says nice things, then he is a friend. But it turns out that everything is not so simple. So how can you recognize the same true friend, whose words and actions are absolutely sincere?
Instructions
Remember that a loved one will never spare time for you. He will gladly agree to meet, will find a "window" even in the tightest schedule. He will not look for excuses and reasons not to see each other, but, on the contrary, he himself will try to find a reason for such a pleasant event. Shopping, lunch in a cafe, a walk - everything will be accepted with a smile. And how sincere it is, you have to understand.
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While driving on the highway, many motorists and professional drivers often use various gestures to communicate with each other. To understand each other on the road, you will have to study the special language of headlights and turn signals, the unwritten laws of the highway and other nuances.
Instructions
If you are driving a car for the first time and do not yet know how to understand each other, first learn the language of turn signals and headlights, which is available to absolutely all experienced drivers. First, find out how, through signals, professional drivers give long signs to each other while driving along. Noticing how the driver of a car from the next row is trying to make gestures for you and beeping convulsively, keep in mind that this signal indicates any problems with your car and the other driver is trying to inform you about it. For example, your car can be lowered, the back door is slightly open, or the gas tank hatch is open.
To understand each other on the road, secondly, consult with professional drivers, including your driving school instructor. They will probably tell you how the signals are given, combined thanks to the beacons of turn signals, headlights and the inclusion of an alarm. So, remember the most popular signal among drivers - when a car driving towards a car flashes twice with headlights, including only the high beam. This sign may warn that a traffic police officer with a radar is waiting for you on the highway after a hundred meters. Pay special attention to the uninterrupted short signals given by the high beam headlights, as such signs are a timely warning of increased danger along the way.
It can be a pillar that has fallen on the track, and a felled tree, an accident, and repair work, and a large unfenced pit - obstacles that every driver must prepare to meet. Thirdly, the unwritten laws of the highway provide for warning other road users about their future maneuvers, and many such signs are not included in the traffic rules. Therefore, when driving, always see if other drivers are making "secret signs" for you. Many of the signals relate to one of the most difficult maneuvers - overtaking the next car in front in the opposite lane.
If you nevertheless decide to get out on the car, be sure to turn on the left turn signal, as provided in the traffic rules, but leaving it on until the maneuver is complete, you thereby show the driving trail to the motorists that driving behind you is absolutely safe for them. But having noticed an oncoming car in front, as soon as you have time to line up in the right lane for you, immediately turn off the left turn signal and turn on the right one - by this action you will warn the drivers moving after you that such overtaking becomes dangerous for them.
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Related article
The question of whether friendship between a man and a woman is possible did not arise out of nowhere. Often, friendly involvement is perceived as something big, and the frustration of hopes becomes the cause of excruciating experiences.
Instructions
If you are not going to change the format of your relationship with your friend, try not to provoke him to take active steps to win your heart. Do not flirt with him or have ambiguous conversations that he might interpret as encouragement.
Ask him what he values in, and then talk about your ideal man so that your friend does not have the illusion that you are talking about him. To be sure, you can add: "I have not yet met such a person, and it is not known whether I will." If you have a close man, let your friend know about it if necessary.
Say “You are a true friend” or “Thanks to you, I was convinced that friendship between a man and a woman exists” more often if you think that he is counting on a warmer attitude. At the same time, you should not gently squeeze his hand, looking into his eyes and smiling invitingly.
If the guy still decided to declare his love, say simply and firmly something like: “I treat you very well, you are a wonderful person, and many girls will be happy to meet. And I love you as a friend and how. Let's not complicate everything and spoil our relationship. "
If necessary, you can introduce a friend to your boyfriend. Let your friend make sure that you are not going to part with your loved one. Otherwise, unfounded hopes can feed illusions for a long time, prolonging his suffering.
You can try to introduce your friend to a good girl you think he might like and distract his attention from you. Even if this does not happen, the guy will understand that you really treat him exclusively in a friendly way, wish him happiness, but do not see him as a groom or lover.
Decency
Rate how decent your friend is to you. A true companion will not use you for their own ends. When a person can easily refuse an appointment with you or only calls if he feels bad, think about whether you need such a friend.
Determine how honest your friend is with you. If a loved one often deceives you, then he has something to hide. True friends should share their innermost thoughts, or at least not mislead each other. Otherwise, there can be no talk of any sincere relationship.
What matters is how your friend behaves with you. Notice whether he behaves kindly, on an equal footing, or tries to assert himself at your expense with the help of seemingly innocent witticisms and putting you in front of others in a far from favorable light.
Support
Think about how much you can rely on your friend. A reliable companion will always try to help you, unlike just a good friend. Think about situations when you asked this individual for a favor. If you've been rejected most of the time, it may not be your person.
See how your friend is able to listen to you, understand and support you. A true friend will try to understand your problem. And if your friend does not ask you a clarifying question, does not give any comments and does not react in any way to your presentation of his problems, perhaps this person is too fixated on his own person, or he is not really interested in you.
A true friend will try to take care of you. If you do not feel any support, it is possible that this person's attitude towards you is not entirely sincere. Pay attention to whether the individual respects you, whether they accept your interests and your character flaws.
Looking at yourself
Before evaluating how loyal your friend is to you, take a look at your behavior. Maybe your friend's attitude is a consequence of the way you treat him. If you yourself sometimes use him, do not miss the chance to play a trick on him, do not show him support and respect, do not seek to get closer to a friend and find common interests, you can only count on the same attitude.
Therefore, before you conduct an audit among your friends and criticize their actions, think about whether you yourself know how to be friends, and whether you are worthy of a true friend. A true companion is a kindred spirit and a gift from fate. It needs to be protected and appreciated. If you do not know how to do this yet, then do not expect such treatment of yourself.
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The strongest friendship is considered to be the one that began in early childhood. Since you have seen this person from an early age, you know a lot about him, as he does about you.
Every person should feel and feel real and strong friendship in life. It's fine.
If this is your person, then he will support you in all your endeavors, instill confidence in you and encourage you. If this does not happen, then he is not interested in your life and your problems, and, consequently, in you.
A good friend knows how to listen, as well as share his own experience in the situation you need.
A true friend trusts you with personal secrets, and also does not share yours. He is not afraid to be deceived, as he trusts you as he trusts himself.
A friend will not leave you if you find yourself in a difficult life situation. And he will only try to help get out of it without consequences. Appreciate this. Try to make your friend feel needed as well.
Consider if your friend has other reasons to be friends with you. If you come to the conclusion that he needs, then this is your man! Try to keep a friendship with him.
The six handshake theory suggests that each of the seven billion people knows each other through a maximum of five people, where each transitional link is at the next level of common acquaintances.
This rule is easy to depict by drawing a graph - a primitive diagram in which the vertices are people and the edges are mutual acquaintance. The combinatorial theory has already been proven more than once by sending letters to random and "secret" postal addresses and using computer programs. And even Mark Zuckerberg did not stand aside and conducted a similar experiment based on the Facebook database. And for good reason. After all, the largest social network on Earth is nothing more than a social graph that unites about 1.6 billion people. After the scientists' curiosity was quenched, they decided to take a closer look at the first level of acquaintance and discovered that they could predict friendship.
Researchers at Dartmouth College in the United States figured out whether two strangers would become best friends simply by looking at their neuron responses after watching video clips.
The scientific work published in the journal Nature Communications was the first of its kind, because the observation was carried out over the neural activity of ordinary people from life, the most that neither is a real social network, and not a computer, and reactions in the head arose to real stimuli, one and the same set of videos.
Science project leader Carolyn Parkinson said that the dynamic and unpredictable response of neurons to real videos opens a true window into the minds of people where thought processes spontaneously unfold. The test result was not long in coming, it soon became clear that friendship does not arise from scratch, the entrance to the friendship zone occurs thanks to similar thought patterns.
To test their theory, the scientists took a group of 280 students, interviewed the children and found out how great the social distance between them is. It is obvious that all the students somehow knew each other, but among them there were very good friends and just acquaintances. After selecting 42 people, the scientists asked them to view the videos in a certain order, and at that moment they themselves recorded neural activity using magnetic resonance imaging. The videos featured a variety of topics and genres, including politics, science broadcasts, sports broadcasts, comedy, and music videos. Each participant watched the videos in the same order and followed the instructions given.
After a while, scientists compared the recordings of neural activity and realized that they are similar in students who have been friends for many years, and completely different in students who know each other through third parties in a real social network of life.
These results convincingly show that the most flawless similarity of neural responses is observed only in people with strong friendships, and it seems that brain regions responsible for emotions, attention and high-level reasoning are responsible for such a mental picture. The scientists' theory was confirmed even when they decided to complicate the experiment and began to divide and group into separate categories of left-handers, right-handers, by nationality, age, gender, all the same, the similarity of neural activity among friends from life was obvious.
During the experiment, scientists realized that they could not only find natural-born friends by the response of neurons, but also recognize the length of the social distance between people, in other words, tell how close a person you know is, or you hardly communicated with him.
People, by nature, are social creatures, each of us lives in constant social connection with colleagues, friends and acquaintances, and if we want to understand the principle of the brain, we must learn how minds work in combination, how thoughts form each other.
The basis for the study of the sources of friendship between people for scientists was the previous work, which proved that when looking at a person, the brain immediately determines his status, importance and place in the social network in relation to the observer.
Messenger of the Most High (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) explained how to better understand who a real friend is or what is of great benefit to the believer,
He told a story about how a man at his death hour asks one of his friends:
- How can you help me?
The friend answers:
"I guard your property. You can take whatever you want from it. However, what you leave will no longer belong to you."
Then the person turns to the second friend:
- How can you help me?
He says:
- I will fulfill all the duties assigned to me in your cause, after your death (I will perform the funeral prayer), I will bury you, and then I will leave you.
This time the person asks his third friend:
- How can you help me?
And this friend (as an example of expressing true friendship) replies:
- Wherever you are, I (always) will be with you! (I am nowhere and will never leave you!).
Then the Prophet (PBUH) made the following clarification regarding the three friends:
“The first friend of man is his property. The part that he used for godly purposes and to ensure his existence belongs to him, what he left is no longer his property (since after death it will go to his heirs).
The second friend is his family and relatives. After death, they will do everything necessary, then (after burying the person) they will leave him alone.
The third friend is good deeds, they will accompany a person everywhere " (Ibn Abi Shayba, Musannaf, m VII, 129; Hakim, Mustadrak, I, 146/251; Haishami, X, 251).
The world is an inn with two doors. For those who entered it through the first door, the road to death is a forced route. But in the face of this truth, a person still does not want to be perishable, always seeks to escape from death and seeks immortality.
The pious Sheikh Saadi said:
"If you consist only of appearance, then in the allotted time both your body and your name will die. If you have virtues and do godly deeds, then after the death of your mortal body your life will continue as much as you were selfless and won the souls of other people." ...
Therefore, in order not to be left with anything in the world of eternity, where everything is rewarded according to merit, it is necessary to generously sow the seeds of good deeds during life. After all, all the good we have done on earth will serve as the basis for that beautiful thing that will appear before us in the future.
The sacred verse says the following:
“Perform salat (namaz), distribute the sunset - and that good that you do in advance, get from Allah. Indeed, Allah sees your deeds ”(Surah al-Bakara, 2/110).
The following hadith narrated from our Prophet (PBUH) perfectly reflects this truth:
The family of the Messenger of the Most High (PBUH) sacrificed a ram and distributed its meat to those in need. (Some time later) the Prophet (PBUH) asked if there was anything left of the meat.
“Just a shoulder of lamb,” they replied. To this, the Messenger of the Most High (PBUH), demonstrating a prophetic attitude towards true wealth, exclaimed:
– That is, we own everything except the lamb shoulder.! (Tirmizi, "Kyyamat", 33).
The following words of wisdom from one of the poorest of the Sahaba, Abu Zarr (Radayallahu Anhu), perfectly illustrate the need for good deeds. “Any property has three co-owners:The first owner is you, the second is fate.She does not ask what to bring you - good or evil in the form of misfortune or death.The third co-owner is your heir.He, too, is waiting for you to dive into land (that is, you will die), will then take your property, and you will hold the answer. As far as you can, do not be the weakest of these three co-owners!
The Almighty commanded:"[O followers of Islam,] you will never become pious until you donate what is [most] dear to you" (Surah Al-i Imran, 3/92). My most beloved property is this camel. (As alms) I send it ahead of me (so that it will meet me in the next world "(Abdu Nuaym, Hilier, I, 163).
Umar bin Khattab (raddyallahu anhu), once passing by the al-Baqi cemetery, said the following:
“Oh, the inhabitants of the graves! Greetings in the name of Allah! If you want to know about life here, your wives are married, other people live in your houses, your property has been distributed to the heirs.
- Oh, Umar! If you also want to know about life here, we found here what we sent here in advance, more than received everything that we donated, and also upset about what we did not do, having the opportunity to do this (“Ruhu ’L-Bayan”, I, 557).
