Simple techniques on how to avoid yelling at your child. What is the danger of screaming

© Igor Yurov, doctor - psychotherapist

HOW TO LEARN NOT TO SCREAM

How to unlearn how to fightor ABOUT THE RULE "START WITH YOURSELF"

(Monthly "So we live", №10, / 151 /, November, 2015)

"No matter what a person wants, no matter what he strives for, if in the end every time or most of the time he gets a “hat”, then his “want” quickly disappears, and if the desire is satisfied, the desire brings a result, action justifies itself, then such behavior, receiving positive reinforcement, is preserved, approved and even improved. According to this principle, all living things, from flora and fauna, and ending with human society, in fact, develops and ... learns! Learns what can and cannot be done, what is and what not, where to go and what to run from, whom to love, and from whom to hide, ultimately, of course, what to want and what not to want. Specifically, no one directs or limits anyone, you see - life itself directs and teaches. It's like Vladimir Vysotsky in the song "Police Protocol": "So let it go, it will be easier for you, well, why bother if life condemns».

Question: " Soon it’s 40 years since I’ve been living nose to nose with a man who literally boils over even from a simple question or phrase and shouts back, it’s not at all clear why. No, my husband is a good, kind person, but not very restrained. Moreover, only at home, in the family, he behaves this way. In public, he never allows himself to be dismissed. Over the years the situation has worsened - he screams for no reason and all I want at this moment is to answer him in the same way ... And I scream, I learned, because my answering cry “cools” him. True, not always. In these cases, we talk for some time in a raised voice, but this is not a quarrel, but such a manner of communication. Sometimes I change tactics - he shouts, and I silently leave for another room. Then he begins to feel guilty, makes it clear that he regrets, but very rarely apologizes. Sometimes I think, let the steam release, because it is very harmful to restrain emotions, suppress outbursts of anger, they say, especially for men. But he does not appreciate this understanding of mine and boils over even more often. Anger from scratch spoils life very much - I live as if on a powder keg. Before turning to my husband with any question or proposal, I think about the phrase for a long time and still irritate him. Sometimes I see that he is not happy with himself in these situations, but he cannot do anything. How can I help him learn how to deal with these outbursts of anger? Yes, and I myself need to learn to either not react to his raised tone, or to restrain myself, not to shout to a cry. But this is so difficult! Maybe there are some trainings available that will help us become more restrained. Tell me please».

“When people come into close communication with each other, their behavior resembles porcupines trying to keep warm on a cold winter night. because of the pain of the injections to disperse, they again come together because of the cold, and so - all night long. "

Arthur Schopenhauer

Let's start with your words - " Over the years, the situation has worsened, screaming for no reason, and all I want at this moment is to answer him in the same way ... And I scream, I learned, because my answering cry “cools” him. True, not always. " I think not really " not always", But very rarely or even never. Where has it been seen that a return shout in a dispute, abuse or skirmish "cool" the enemy? It always only warms up, turns on even more or even infuriates. One exception is still possible - the return shout should be such as to frighten the opponent, cause him a reaction of fear or at least stunning bewilderment. In the easiest case - a clear sense of the meaninglessness of his situation or a clear awareness of the futility of defending his position, fighting for something, trying to achieve something. So that the screaming back, as you say, will work " coolingly", It should literally produce the effect of a bucket of ice water splashed into your face, because that's how they" cool ", isn't it?

As a result, an interesting picture emerges. Wife (woman!) " learned"(I don't know how hard, long and forced this training was) to scream so that her cry" cools down"Husband (man!), Well, maybe" not always. " And she had learned this before that she herself " all one wants at this moment is to answer him in the same"! You see, I am not forced to somehow defend myself, to oppose something, not with the last bit of strength, not from the hopelessness of the situation, but because, this is “ everything that she wants at this moment».

A person, as we know from the foundations of psychology, wants something only when the desired action receives the so-called "positive reinforcement", i.e. if what a person wants ultimately does not disappoint him, does not hurt him, but brings satisfaction. T.e. h no matter how a person would like him, no matter what he strives for, if in the end he gets a “hat” every time or most of the time, then his “desire” quickly disappears, and if the desire is satisfied, the desire brings a result, action justifies itself, then such behavior, receiving positive reinforcement, is preserved, approved and even improved. According to this principle, all living things, from flora and fauna, and ending with human society, in fact, develops and ... learns! Learns what can and cannot be done, what is and what not, where to go and what to run from, whom to love, and from whom to hide, ultimately, of course, what to want and what not to want. Specifically, no one directs or limits anyone, you see - life itself directs and teaches. It's like in Vysotsky's song "Police Protocol": "So let it go, it will be easier for you, well, why bother if life condemns."

In behaviorism (more simply - in behavioral psychology), all this is called the "theory of learning." There will be a desire, check it out. This theory has long become an effective practice of the behavioral (they also often say - cognitive-behavioral or cognitive-behavioral) direction in psychotherapy - this is to your question that “ maybe there are some trainings available that will help us become more restrained. " There are such trainings, as many as you like - you just need to go to the corresponding site, get acquainted with the leading trainers, programs, prices and sign up. Group lessons are always much cheaper than individual ones, so trainings, as you would like, are really quite " available».

But why am I talking about the theory of learning? To the fact that I'm still analyzing your phrase - " and I scream, I LEARNED, as my answering cry “cools” him. " That's right, we learned! They learned because it gave a result and had a positive reinforcement - the husband “cooled off”, and you remained the “king of the mountain” - the master of the situation and the winner in the marital battle, although, of course, I understand you perfectly, not without the wounds and injuries left in the soul and taking into account the fact that there can be no real winners in such a war. Nevertheless, this behavior brought its results, although it was far from ideal and traumatized the psyche, but it found its reinforcement and therefore became entrenched. It was fixed to the point that you mastered it, you learned it so well that now, as you yourself honestly admit, you " I WANT to answer him in kind". In such a situation, looking the truth in the eye, it is even difficult to determine "who started first" and "who is to blame", and the theory of learning already works for both - both have learned this behavior, both receive their positive reinforcement. As a result, the family situation looks the way you describe it - “ this is not a quarrel, but such a manner of communication. "

You know how it happens with Russians, at first a person (teenager) hears someone swearing, then he utters curses to himself, then out loud, then more and more, and then, as in a joke - “what, I swear I do not swear, I speak it "- it also turns out that" this is not swearing, but such a manner of communication. " And all why? Learned! I received positive reinforcements: in some cases, as you, it was possible to “cool” someone, in some “to express myself more clearly”, in some community with others or to feel “relaxation”, because for some reason, although it is not clear why is it believed that "To restrain emotions, to suppress outbursts of anger, they say, is very harmful, especially for men." You look directly around and see how everyone is taking care of their health, and the most "not harming" themselves - furious and angry - are examples of biological perfection and longevity.

This is how you learned. Both. Gradually. You live in such a manner of communication, everyone, receiving their positive reinforcements, for many years. Do you know the children's game "King of the Hill"? Everything is bruised, bruised, dirty, clothes are torn, punishment awaits at home, but the game with passion continues, because there is positive reinforcement - at least once out of ten to be the King of the Hill! Anyone who fails or succeeds, but very rarely, does not play this game - he does not have reinforcement, he goes to look for another, where he can get it. And the one who becomes the King of the Hill, more and more often, receives more and more positive reinforcement, this game becomes his favorite, he learns to push better and better, finally reaching great perfection in this.

Ultimately your question is - "How can I help him learn how to extinguish these outbursts of anger?" - just sounds discouraging. Who can we help to learn how to extinguish these outbursts of anger? Husband ?! The one whom your scream is capable of “chilling” at once? Or maybe, first of all, we need to help to learn how to extinguish these outbreaks to the one who gives them out so successfully in response - to whom, as much “ I want to - to answer the same "?

The fact is that here you just need not to learn, but, on the contrary, to gradually unlearn this, which has developed over the years " manner of communication". And in addition to cognitive-behavioral trainings (which, as you know, not everyone who needs them will go to) will help you home “learning”, which you yourself mentioned, though, unfortunately, in just one sentence " sometimes I change tactics - he shouts, and I silently leave for another room. " Please try this way " change tactics"Not sometimes, but more often, in order to eventually learn to apply it constantly, thereby forgetting how to shout. I think that in order for everything to work out, you only need one thing - to stop wanting to "reign on the mountain", seeing that this does not lead to good. Then the husband, faced with this kind of "GAME OVER" ("end of the game"), will be forced to change his behavior.

In conclusion, as a human being, I will say that I would not mind scolding your husband with you. But how does this help solve the problem? There is a universal rule - a person can change something only by starting with himself, trying to find in himself the causes of his problem and setting a goal - to eliminate them. It is imperative to ask the questions - "why is this happening to me?", "What can be the reason for what is happening in me?" and finally, "what can I change in myself to correct the situation?" The solution to any personal problem should start from a completely definite and indestructible position - "I, AND ONLY I AM RESPONSIBLE / AND FOR WHAT HAPPENS TO ME IN MY LIFE."

You are a direct participant in everything that happens, and to some extent its cause. To what extent - I cannot say, because for this I would need to know exactly what your words, actions, emotions figured in quarrels and disputes. How could it be otherwise? After all, you, and not your husband, asked the question. If he applied, then all of the above would be presented to him - I would suggest that he define his role in the development of conflict situations. But, judging by the fact that he is not going to do this, it means that it remains to follow the universal principle - to BEGIN WITH YOURSELF.

Screaming is a popular technique used in rock vocals and many other styles of music, but if done incorrectly, you can damage your larynx and throat. In this article, you will discover some of the safest methods you can use while learning about screaming.

Steps

Simple screaming

1. Listen to the scream performers. Imitation is often the fastest way to learn the basics of something, and screaming is no exception. Try to find a singer who doesn't scream throughout the song. Instead, as you learn to scream, try listening to a song that uses this technique to perform specific sections rather than the entire song.

   • As you develop your own screaming skills, you can customize your performance style to suit your voice and image. However, at this stage, focus only on creating the basic sound, and only later you will adapt it as you see fit.

2. Have a warm drink. If you wet your throat first, it will be less irritating while screaming. Warm drinks are preferred over cold ones, because the former can soothe the throat, while cold drinks can cause muscle tension and ultimately more pain.

   • One of the best options is warm honey tea, but you can also drink warm water or juice at room temperature.
   • Don't drink cold drinks.
   • Refrain from drinks containing caffeine or alcohol, as these will dry out your throat more.

3. Whisper the "a" sound. Squeeze out a lot of air while making the sound, but make sure you can hold enough air to sustain the sound for 15-30 seconds.

   • Before starting, take a deep breath through your nose and draw in as much air as possible into your lungs. The more air you take in, the longer you can hold the sound.
   • Exhale from the diaphragm. Air should be pushed out from the bottom of the lungs, and this flow should be controlled, even. You do not need to exhale everything and somehow at once.

4. Close your throat and apply more force. Squeeze your throat to push air through the narrow passage. Breathe out a harder until you eventually feel a sound travel between your throat and chest.

   • Your throat should close as tightly as possible while still allowing air to pass through it.

5. Get busy. If you're not in a rush, you can master screaming with a few weeks of constant practice. Exercise slowly, however, so as not to injure your throat.

   • If your throat starts to hurt while screaming, stop immediately and drink something warm. Warm tea with honey is especially good for this.
   • Continue exercising only when your throat is okay.

Screaming pterodactyl

1. Have a warm drink. You can keep the sound much clearer and protect your throat much better if you moisten your throat before starting. Warm drinks tend to work better for the throat than cold drinks.

   • One of the best options is warm honey tea, but you can also drink warm water or juice at room temperature.
   • Don't drink cold drinks.
   • Refrain from drinks containing caffeine or alcohol, as these will only dry out your throat more.

2. Pretend you want to make a long "and" sound (you really won't).

   • The sound "and" is the same as in the word "whale".
   • Exhale gently before the next step. In this screaming technique, the sound comes from inhalation, so your lungs need to be emptied to do this.

3. Squeeze your throat firmly so that you push the air out through the small gap. It is imperative that you try to make it as small as possible while still producing sound.

   • At this time, move your tongue close to the palate without touching it. This should make it easier for you to narrow and pinch your upper airway.

4. Take a deep breath. Inject a lot of energy into your inhalation to activate your vocal cords. You should end up with an inhal scream or a pterodactyl scrim.

   • Please note that, as with the basic scream described here, with this technique you can only play one scream per song, rather than singing the entire lyrics.

5. Get busy. You will probably need to train for several weeks with constant and measured load before you can perform this scream correctly.

   • Please note that this technique can be more difficult than the basic scream, and not everyone will be able to master it. If, after a few weeks, you still cannot master it, it will be better if you go back to the traditional method.
   • An inhale scream like this shouldn't cause a sore throat like an Xhale scream (exhale scream), but it's still a good idea to take breaks between classes and drink warm honey tea or another warm drink to calm your throat.

Advanced scream

1. Sing the "a" sound in falsetto. Choose a note that you can easily hold, but one that is high enough to fit within your falsetto range. This should be the highest note that you can play without tension.

   • Screaming in falsetto is generally easier to learn than screaming in your normal vocal range.
   • With this technique, you can learn how to insert a separate scream into songs, or perform words with a scream.
   • To help yourself during this step, you can play the desired note on the keyboard or guitar.
   • You should sing this note without straining at all. If you force yourself to pick and hold a note, take a lower one and try again.

2. Hold the note for as long as you feel comfortable. Once you know which pitch is right for you, try to sing as long as possible without straining your throat. Ideally, you should aim to hold the note for 30 seconds.

   • Keep practicing until you can confidently hold the note for 30 seconds. To hold confidently means to perform without breaks in the voice, hesitation, or other deviations in tone quality.

3. When you sing the "a" sound, put warm water in your mouth, but instead of swallowing, "bubble" the sound. Keep the same note and pitch.

   • Pay particular attention to the vibration of the uvula, a tapered process that hangs down the back of the mouth.
   • The hoarse scream will be based on this vibration.
   • Continue rinsing the "a" sound until you can repeat this vibration from memory and still feel comfortable.

4. Change the sound to "y". Basically, you need to try to recreate the same sound as when rinsing, but you will no longer collect water. Say "u", directing the air towards the soft palate. Breathing should be directed directly to the top of the middle of the mouth.

   • This is the same “y” sound as in the word “noise”.
   • The soft palate is a patch of soft tissue on the palate.
   • As a result, the tongue should vibrate like last time. The resulting sound should sound like the cooing of a pigeon.
   • You must sing it at the same pitch as before, and hold the note evenly for 30 seconds.
   • This method teaches you how to produce sound in the soft palate. This is especially important if you want to safely handle long screams in a song.

5. Return to the sound "a" using a new trick. Sing "a" at the same pitch and note as before. The sound should be uniform. Direct more air towards the soft palate to activate the uvula, creating a distorted scream.

   • You can direct as much air to the sky as you want. The main thing is not to cause tension.
   • Control your tongue, throat, and breathing, and use the same technique to produce vowels, consonants, and various sounds.

6. Get busy. You will need to practice a little over the course of a few weeks before you get to grips with this type of scream. Take your time to avoid hurting your throat.

   • If you're not in a rush, you can master this screaming technique after a few weeks of constant practice. However, you should exercise in a measured way so as not to injure your throat.
   • If your throat starts to hurt during exercise, stop and drink something warm. Warm tea with honey is especially good for this.
   • Continue practicing only when your throat is okay.
   • With enough exercise, you can create a squeaky scream without focusing on your tongue. You should also be able to apply this method to the rest of your vocal range, not just falsetto.

• When learning to scream, first get a good grasp of the basics of vocals. You must know how to breathe with your diaphragm and support yourself to keep the note.
• Drink water even when you are inactively screaming. Try to drink six to eight glasses of water a day.
• Do not smoke. Smoking can harm both your lungs and your throat. If you still learn to scream for all this, the deterioration will occur even faster.

Warnings

• Screaming can damage the vocal cords. To avoid causing harm for a long time, first practice screaming in short intervals of 5 minutes or less a day. Gradually increase the time you exercise, but stop each time as soon as your throat starts to hurt.
• If you scream too much and do too much damage to your larynx, you may end up needing throat surgery.

Kids are great. But sometimes you want to run away from them to the ends of the world. Sometimes it seems that they deliberately drive you crazy. And the words just do not reach them. Then you resort to the only correct, in your opinion, method of influence - screaming. It is so? But that doesn't work either. In addition, it generates aggression, scares, contributes to the development of children's fears and complexes. Yes, and your nerves are undermined completely. So how do you learn not to yell at children? Believe it or not, there are some very simple methods available to every parent. This will make your life much easier.

1. Whisper.

You will be surprised, but it works flawlessly! If you are whispering something, then children should be quiet to hear. When they ask you what you said, repeat it in a louder whisper, but not otherwise. Gradually, this will lead to a decrease in their own voice. The house will become much quieter.

2. Take a time out.

If your kids start screaming and arguing, just warn them that you are not going to raise your voice. Tell them that you are going to the kitchen, for example, and they can come and find you there when they are ready to speak quietly and calmly.

3. Speak in the “correct” tone.

Communication and language experts advise: “Remember to lower your tone at the end of a sentence, otherwise it will sound like a question, not a request. And children will not listen.” In this case, they mean that children are akin to animals. They react clearly to intonation. They will automatically take a phrase spoken in the "correct" affirmative tone as a command. They will obey you sooner than if you "mumble" or shout nonstop.

4. Choose your words.

Tell them clearly what you want them to do, not what you don’t want them to do. It is very important. Speak so that the children understand what they want from them. Do not sprinkle with words, simply and clearly say what you want. If they ignore you, tell them the same three times again.

5. Replace screaming with song and dance.

It may sound crazy, but it works! If you feel like screaming, sing it! This can unload your inner "I", and even make children laugh. The conflict will disappear by itself. Or just count to 10 to defuse your temperament.

6. Look in the mirror.

Another of the unusual, but effective tricks. When you start screaming, look at your face. Not very pretty, is it? Your face in its natural state is much softer and kinder. So is it worth making yourself a monster?

7. Don't shout - write.

If you have something important to say but can't say it calmly, try writing it down in a short note and giving it to them. Alternatively, you can send SMS or email. They will receive information without your angry tone. They will definitely accept it, besides, they will be pleasantly surprised. True, this method is applicable only to older children.

8. Close your eyes.

Just do it when you are talking to children. It is not known exactly why this works, but it does calm and tidy up the thoughts. You don't want to scream at all.

These are the basic rules by which you will relieve yourself of torment. And your children too. Now every parent will be much happier, as they learn not to yell at their children. Finally, you can just enjoy life with your children, and not turn it into a battlefield. Happiness and tranquility to you!

Why you can't yell at a child

If the parents talk to the child mainly by shouting “What did I say / ah!”, “Well, quickly!”, Then they regularly intimidate the child, fears are subconsciously laid down in him, which will then negatively affect his adult life. When a child lives in an atmosphere of irritation and anger, when he is "crushed" by a cry, self-esteem is lowered to the point of forming an inferiority complex. Therefore, a shout as a warning - yes, a shout - no.

A child under 7 years old does not know how to experience two emotions at the same time. Even if you are not yelling in your own voice, he still loves you. Only he will have a disharmony of love. The child will think that loving (worrying about someone, worrying about someone) is screaming, and then he will behave in the same way with his life partner and children. There is a paradox - we shout only at those we trust, and at the same time we lose the trust of those we shout at. Are you ready to lose the trust of the people you love most?

Frequent crying of parents is fraught with the fact that the child will hide emotions. The consequences are dire. Better to let him get angry and stamp his foot - tell him that he is angry / angry - name the emotions, he has the right to experience it. And deal with it. Shouting is justified in only one case. And this case is a danger to life.

How to talk to a child so that it does not come to a scream

Get down to its level - sit down, take it in your arms. If you are sitting opposite each other, take the child's hands in yours and maintain eye contact. If the child burst into tears because of your words, do not refuse hugs if he needs them. Remind you that you love him. The kid must be sure that if he needs a mom / dad, he will be accepted at home as he is, even if he misbehaves. The kid must make mistakes and learn from them.

If a child, copying your “If you eat soup, then there will be sweets”, starts talking in a similar way - “If you don’t give me candy now, I will not eat soup”, do not rush to say “How are you talking to me!”, Better so: "You probably wanted to say: Mom, please, let me now eat one candy and then eat the soup."

If it seems to you that the child only responds to a cry, think, maybe the child is lacking in love? How often do you read books with him, talk, talk about how the day went, kiss and hug him, say how much you love him? How much time do you spend "on"? If you are working at the computer, and the child is playing nearby, this is tantamount to the fact that you are not there.

Algorithm of actions if you already broke and yelled

We do a "rewind" - explain that it was a busy day, you are very tired, so you could not restrain yourself. Apologize if you are wrong. Explaining, be careful - say that you feel about the situation: "Your behavior / your reaction / your act (NOT you)" made me angry. " If you criticize the child directly, he may develop an inferiority complex over time.

Now you need to make "adjustments" - to establish relations: "The way you acted is not good, but I shouldn't have raised my voice to you." "Repeat tape" - I'm upset because you did that. The child has the right to forgiveness in the form of dialogue. If your child has nagged not childishly, do not immediately accept his apology. It is necessary to understand the situation, to really understand what and why went wrong, as it should, to look at the situation from different angles. Remember that in public you should always be on the side of the child, sort things out only in private. Scolding a child in front of strangers, his friends, for example, you humiliate your beloved child.

What to do so as not to scream

First, arrange with your child to signal you when you raise your voice. Have him say, “Mom / Dad, don't yell at me, please,” raise her hand or snap a finger, letting me know that you have already exceeded the permissible decibel level.

Set the rules: “When we come home, we go to wash our hands right away,” “Exactly at 9 o'clock, you go to bed.” The rules are about health / safety and borders. They are needed in order for the child to become a full-fledged member of society. Failure to follow the rule is followed by two warnings. If there is no reaction to the second warning, punishment follows - deprivation of the tablet for one day, sweets, communication with friends, etc.

The punishment should be adequate, by no means physical, and no "Go to the corner." If in your case the “high chair” and “sit in your room” works, then you should remember the rule “how many years, how many minutes the punishment works”: if the child is 3 years old, then he will not sit on the chair for more than three minutes.

If you can't get rid of the screaming, ask loved ones to film you screaming / screaming at their child. After watching a video like this, you will never raise your voice again.

Or imagine that your worst enemy (for lack of it, let it be just a stranger to you) shouts at your child with the same words. How do you feel?

Or imagine how your child talks about his childhood and recalls just this situation when his mother yelled at him or scolded him in front of people. Do you want this?

Or accept for yourself the postulate "A priori a woman never screams." You are a princess / queen, you never raise your voice at anyone.

Or in situations where you really want to scream, start emitting animal screams "Woof-Woof", "MYAYAUUUUU", etc. The severity of the situation will immediately subside.

Very often those who do not pay enough attention to themselves shout. In the list of personal priorities, the order should be: Me / spouse / children / work. Start paying attention to yourself and you, perhaps, happy with yourself and life, will stop being frustrated.

- about how to learn the technique of ominous growl "on paper". A growl for dummies, so to speak. And, as it turned out, it came in handy for many. Therefore, I decided to search the Web for something on the topic of another popular type of extreme vocal - screaming. Well, here's what we managed to dig up. The style is preserved, the author is unknown, his feat is immortal.

Introduction

Screaming (Screaming, screaming) - a type of vocals that originated and was used mainly in black metal, later migrated to many other styles. Sounds like a high-pitched, hysterical scream. However, you should not immediately start screaming - the impression is deceiving, and by the nature of sound production, screaming is not a scream at all. Let's take a look at its mechanism ...

Whisper / Hiss

The key to screaming is whisper + hiss. To begin with, you need to learn to whisper as loudly as possible (here you need to not overdo it; too much air flow dries out the vocal cords and harms them.Even if we sing on the false cords, the air still passes through the loosely closed vocal cords, because they are below the false ), and then add to the whisper "hissing" - like the one you talk to when you have a cold or sore throat. The air pressure with such a "whisper" should be strong, but at the same time it should be released a little. (To create such a pressure, it is necessary, how to put it ... pushing, or something ... How hmm ... Like when in the toilet for great need ... it's very similar ... So I don't recommend screaming on a full stomach just in case. In general, read about underlining pressure and diaphragm operation). Whispering allows you to capture the desired sensation of airflow, and hissing provides the key to turning on the false ligaments. The backing pressure and the operation of the diaphragm make it possible to correctly and safely deliver the air flow and use it economically.

Larynx

If the larynx needs to be opened when growing, then the opposite is true.
It is necessary, on the contrary, to squeeze, cover the larynx. A sensation like when you swallow with deliberate force - the position of the larynx is approximately in the middle of this forced swallowing. That is, the Adam's apple should be raised. The higher the Adam's apple, the higher and "sandier" the sound. To raise the Adam's apple, as well as to do much more, correct facial expressions will greatly help.

Facial expressions

A very important point is facial expressions. We cannot directly control the muscles of our vocal apparatus like arms or legs, but the correct facial expressions help to tune it to the right wave and is an important component of successful mastering of the technique ...
The facial expressions for screaming are something like this:
There is a grimace on the face - the nose is wrinkled, the eyebrows are raised, the eyes are sometimes closed or something like that, the upper lip is raised so that when the sound "A" the teeth are completely exposed, the lips are tense (especially the corners) and slightly raised ... A vivid example of the necessary facial expressions - Dani Fils (group). Watch the video of his performances and you will understand - and at the same time practice to look scary and evil.

Height

When screaming, you need to reproduce the highest possible note ... And in general, the sensations (or imaginary sensations) should be like when singing in falsetto, i.e. very high, as if in a "woman's voice". This does not mean at all that you need to use your voice and shout in falsetto, no ... You only need similar sensations. Well, I repeat: the higher the Adam's apple, the higher the screaming note. By the way, you can try to reproduce the "screeching falsetto" (it's like in AC / DC or), and from it you can already move to the scream, adding air ... But this is already an extreme case, because it is impossible to listen to the "screeching falsetto" without tears.

We combine

Combining all of the above, we get the same scream. I RECOMMEND to start with the syllable "FFFFFFFFAAAAAAY" - in my opinion, at first it is most convenient. The "F" sound is the best preparation for screaming (IMHO). It may turn out at first (as was the case with me) quietly, so then you can add a little voice, if someone needs to be more aggressive, and, through experiments, find a balance between a whispering voice and choose the most comfortable position of the larynx.

Special cases

Laiho from CHILDREN OF BODOM.
In my opinion, he has a harsh with the addition of "whisper" and "hiss" - in general, a hybrid of harsh with a scream. If you add to the above technique of splitting on a soft palate + more voice - you just get vocals a la "bodoma".

Dani Fils of CRADLE OF FILTH.
You don't have to tear your ligaments to screech like Dani. His screeching is NOT in a clear voice. These are all false ligaments ... To understand, you need to boil softly with the larynx MAXIMUM covered, almost until the sound disappears. You will get a weak but very high squeak. Gradually, the air pressure must be made stronger - the stronger the pressure, the louder the squeal. Gradually, you can achieve "squealing", from which the blood runs cold. At first, the same "fffffaaaaaaay" is most convenient, then it is quite possible to screech with words.