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  • The child is very hysterical after sleep. Tantrums after naps. The child does not obey and is hysterical

The child is very hysterical after sleep. Tantrums after naps. The child does not obey and is hysterical

Children's tantrums can complicate the life of any, even very patient adults. Yesterday the baby was a "sweetheart", but today it was changed as it was - he screams for any reason, squeals, falls to the floor, bangs his head against the walls and the carpet, and no admonitions help. Such unpleasant scenes almost never happen as one-off protests. Often the child's tantrums are repeated systematically, sometimes several times a day.

This cannot but alarm and puzzle parents who ask themselves what they did wrong, is everything okay with the baby and how to stop these antics. The authoritative well-known children's doctor Yevgeny Komarovsky tells mothers and fathers how to react to children's tantrums.

About the problem

Children's tantrums are a ubiquitous phenomenon. And even if the parents of the toddler say that they have the quietest baby in the world, this does not mean that he never makes scenes out of the blue. Until recently, it was somehow embarrassing to confess to hysterics in their own child, parents were embarrassed, all of a sudden those around them would think that they were bringing up the little one badly, and sometimes they were even afraid that their beloved child would be considered mentally "not like that" by those around them. So they fought as best they could, in the bosom of the family.

In recent years, they began to talk about the problem with specialists, child psychologists, psychiatrists, neurologists and pediatricians. And an insight came: there are much more hysterical children than it might seem at first glance. According to statistics available to child psychologists in one of the large clinics in Moscow, 80% of children under the age of 6 have hysterics periodically, and 55% of these babies have hysterics on a regular basis. On average, children can have such attacks from 1 time per week to 3-5 times a day.

Infant tantrums have certain basic symptoms. As a rule, the attack is preceded by some of the same events and situations.

During a hysterics, a child can scream heart-rendingly, tremble, choke, while there will not be so many tears. Breathing problems may occur, heart rate increases, and many children try to hurt themselves by scratching their faces, biting their hands, or hitting walls or the floor. The attacks in children are long enough, after them they cannot calm down for a long time, they sob.

At certain age periods, tantrums acquire stronger manifestations, at such “critical” stages of growing up, emotional outbursts change their color. They can appear unexpectedly, or they can disappear just as suddenly. But tantrums should in no way be ignored, just as a child should not be allowed to manipulate adult family members with the help of shouting and stamping his feet.

The opinion of Dr. Komarovsky

First of all, says Evgeny Komarovsky, parents should remember that a child in a state of hysterics definitely needs a spectator. Kids never make scandals in front of the TV or washing machine, they choose a living person, and from the family members, the one who is most sensitive to his behavior is suitable for the role of the viewer.

If the dad begins to worry and get nervous, then it is he who will be chosen by the child for a spectacular hysteria. And if the mother ignores the child's behavior, then throwing a tantrum in front of her is simply not interesting.

Doctor Komarovskaya will tell you how to wean a child from hysterics in the next video.

This opinion is somewhat contrary to the generally accepted opinion of child psychologists, who argue that a child in a state of hysteria is completely out of control. Komarovsky is sure that the baby is perfectly aware of the situation and the balance of power, and does everything that he does at this moment quite arbitrarily.

Therefore, the main advice from Komarovsky is in no way to show that the children's "concert" somehow touches the parents. No matter how strong the tears, screams and stamping feet may be.

If a child at least once achieves his goal with the help of hysteria, he will use this method all the time. Komarovsky warns parents to placate the baby during a tantrum.

To yield means to become a victim of manipulation, which will, in one way or another, constantly improving, continue for the rest of your life.

It is advisable to calm all family members adhered to tactics of behavior and rejection of hysterics, so that mom's "no" never turns into dad's "yes" or grandmother's "maybe." Then the child will quickly understand that hysteria is not a method at all, and will stop testing the nerves of adults for strength.

If the grandmother begins to show gentleness, to feel sorry for the child offended by the parental refusal, then she risks becoming the only spectator of children's tantrums. The problem, says Komarovsky, is the lack of physical safety with such grandmothers. After all, usually a grandson or granddaughter gradually ceases to obey them and can get into an unpleasant situation in which they can be injured while walking, burn yourself with boiling water in the kitchen, put something into an outlet, etc., because the baby will not react to the hail of grandmother.

What to do?

If the child is 1-2 years old, he is quite quickly able to form the correct behavior at the reflex level. Komarovsky advises to put the baby in the playpen, where he will have a safe space. As soon as the hysteria began - leave the room, but let the child know that he is being heard. As soon as the little one is silent, you can go to his room. If the cry is repeated, go out again.

According to Evgeny Olegovich, two days is enough for a child of one and a half to two years to develop a stable reflex - “mother is there if I don’t yell”.

For such "training" parents will need truly iron nerves, the doctor emphasizes. However, their efforts will certainly be rewarded by the fact that in a short time an adequate, calm and obedient child will grow up in their family. And one more important point - the sooner parents put this knowledge into practice, the better it will be for everyone. If the child is already over 3 years old, this method alone will not be enough. More painstaking work on errors will be required. First of all, over parental mistakes in raising their own children.

The child does not obey and is hysterical

Absolutely any children can be naughty, says Komarovsky. Much depends on the character, temperament, upbringing, norms of behavior that are adopted in the family, on the relationship between the members of this family.

Do not forget about the "transitional" age - 3 years, 6-7 years, adolescence.

3 years

At the age of about three years, the child begins to understand and realize himself in this big world, and, naturally, he wants to try this world for strength. In addition, children at this age are not all and are far from always able to express in words their feelings, emotions and experiences for any reason. So they show them in the form of hysteria.

Quite often, at this age stage, night tantrums begin. They are spontaneous, the child just wakes up at night and immediately practices a piercing cry, bends in an arc, sometimes tries to escape from adults and try to escape. Usually nighttime tantrums do not last so long, and the child "outgrows" them, they stop as suddenly as they began.

6-7 years old

At 6-7 years old, a new stage of growing up occurs. The kid is already ripe to go to school, and they begin to demand more from him than before. He is very afraid not to meet these requirements, he is afraid to "let him down", stress builds up and sometimes pours out again in the form of hysteria.

Evgeny Komarovsky emphasizes that most often parents turn to doctors with this problem when the child is already 4-5 years old, when tantrums occur "out of habit."

If at an earlier age the parents were unable to stop such behavior and unwittingly became participants in a tough show that the kid plays in front of them day after day, trying to achieve something of his own.

Parents are usually afraid of some of the external manifestations of hysteria, such as the child's fainting state, seizures, "hysterical bridge" (arching the back), deep sobs and breathing problems. Affective-respiratory disorders, this is what Evgeny Olegovich calls this phenomenon, are characteristic mainly of young children - up to 3 years old. With a strong cry, the child exhales almost the entire volume of air from the lungs, and this leads to paleness, holding of breath.

Such attacks are characteristic of capricious, excitable children, says Komarovsky. Many children use other methods of taking out anger, disappointment or resentment - they sublimate emotion into movement - they fall, knock with their feet and hands, bang their heads against objects, walls, and the floor.

With a prolonged and severe hysterical affective-respiratory attack, involuntary convulsions may begin if the child's consciousness begins to suffer. Sometimes in this state, the baby can describe himself, even if he has been walking on the potty perfectly for a long time, and incidents do not happen. Usually, after seizures (tonic - with muscle tension or clonic - with relaxation, "limp") breathing is restored, the skin ceases to be "cyanotic", the baby begins to calm down.

With such manifestations of hysteria, it is still better to consult a pediatric neurologist, since the same symptoms are characteristic of some nervous disorders.

  • Teach your child to express emotions in words. Your child cannot not be angry and annoyed at all, like any other normal person. You just need to teach him to correctly express his anger or irritation.
  • A child prone to hysterical attacks should not be overly patronized, cared for and cherished, it is best to send him to kindergarten as early as possible. There, says Komarovsky, attacks usually do not occur at all due to the absence of constant and impressionable spectators of hysterics - mom and dad.
  • Hysterical attacks can be learned to anticipate and control. To do this, parents need to carefully observe when hysteria usually begins. The child may be sleepy, hungry, or hate to be rushed. Try to bypass potential "conflict" situations as a party.
  • At the first sign of an incipient hysteria, you should try to distract the child. Usually, says Komarovsky, this works quite successfully with children under three years old. With older guys it will be more difficult.
  • If your child tends to hold his breath when hysterical, there is nothing particularly wrong with that. Komarovsky says that in order to improve breathing, you just need to blow in the baby's face, and he will definitely take a breath reflexively.
  • No matter how difficult it is for parents to deal with the child's tantrums, Komarovsky strongly recommends that they go to the end. If you let the baby beat you with a hysterics, then it will be even more difficult. Indeed, from a hysterical three-year-old one day a hysterical and completely intolerable teenager of 15-16 years old will grow up. It will ruin life not only for parents. He will make it very difficult for himself.

  • Doctor Komarovsky

Children's tantrum is not an easy test for any mother. And when a child suddenly wakes up screaming after several hours of sleep and there is nothing to calm him down, confusion and despair are unsettled. After all, it is very difficult to plan your actions in advance. Moreover, children can go screaming both after a day's sleep and waking up in the middle of the night. How to react correctly so as not to harm the child and where to look for the cause of children's tantrums, we will consider in the next article.

Possible causes of childish tantrum after waking up

Every mother, even with the most steel nerves, is in confusion when her baby suddenly begins to scream loudly, fall to the floor and break free from her hands. Especially if the toddler is still too young and unable to explain the reason for his restless awakening. Parents are trying with all their might to calm the child, but do not know how to help him ...

Here it is important to pull yourself together and, first of all, find out the reason for this behavior of the son or daughter. After all, it is quite possible that the child is sick and an immediate diagnosis is required in order to start treatment as soon as possible. But there are various other stimuli that children react to in this way.

  1. Nightmares. All people have bad dreams sometimes. And children are no exception. Especially if they had an unpleasant incident during the day. For example, a strange child took away a favorite toy in kindergarten, or a toddler ran across the playground and hit something painfully.
  2. Unfavorable atmosphere in the house. If everything is good and calm in the family, then most likely the child will develop normally and behave obediently, without whims and tantrums. And if in the family someone is constantly sorting out the relationship, raising their voices, at each other or at the child, then with a high probability the son or daughter will also be nervous. And during sleep, they will re-experience those negative emotions that they had to feel during the day.
  3. Physiological reasons. They are associated in most cases with recurrent pain or an unhealthy condition of the child. For example, a baby's gums are severely sore during teething or because of a cold, his throat is severely sore and his nose is stuffy, which also greatly interferes with sleep. In such conditions, the baby suddenly wakes up screaming.
  4. The room is too hot and the baby wakes up from the fact that it is difficult for him to breathe. He feels discomfort and therefore is capricious. Since the metabolic processes of the skin in children are more intense, babies are very sensitive to the rise in temperature and sweat faster than adults.

What should parents do?

According to statistics, every child has occasional tantrums. And parents should not have special reasons for concern, only if such cases do not become regular. When a child wakes up screaming, the most important thing for parents in this situation is to stay calm and try to calm their little one down. If the child is still very young, try offering him one of the options:

  • give a drink,
  • take it in your arms,
  • bring his favorite treat or toy.

But what to do is definitely not worth it:

  • scream at the child,
  • slap him on the cheeks,
  • leave alone.

If the child refuses everything and literally does not hear you, then it is worth taking a closer look at him. You need to carefully observe his behavior and appearance. For example, if he squeezes his legs, then perhaps his stomach hurts, and if he has a fever and swollen red gums, then he probably has a tooth. When hysteria is observed in a child over three years old, it makes sense to ask in more detail about the reasons for this behavior.

At any age, there are symptoms accompanying a hysteria, in which you should immediately consult a doctor.

  • Severe hysteria that does not stop for half an hour or more.
  • In a child, with a strong cry, convulsions and fever begin.
  • The fears do not stop even during the daytime.
  • Tantrums have become regular and you are not able to independently determine the cause and cope with it.

How to deal with your child's fears?

Everyone had some kind of fear in childhood. They are associated with various reasons. For example, a baby is terrified of the dark or cannot be left alone in a confined space. There are times when a child is "intimidated" by peers or older children. And he begins to fear losing his mother or thinks that monsters live in closets and dark corners. To find out the specific danger that the baby is afraid of, you need to calmly talk to him and dispel all his fears. If you cannot do this on your own, then you should seek the help of a specialist and conduct anti-stress therapy. It includes activities aimed at psychological support and emotional relief of the child.

  • Don't deny and laugh at your child's fears, even if they seem childish and silly to you. It is better to ask what exactly the child is afraid of, and not to dismiss him with the phrase: "You are already big to be afraid of the dark!"
  • Do activities throughout the day to relieve your child's stress and anxiety. Finger painting, modeling and various games with water can distract a little man from any worries and relieve emotional stress.
  • Support your child with your story about your own overcoming fears in childhood. So he will understand that everything is surmountable, and he is not left alone with his phobias.

Normalize baby sleep


In fact, tantrums in children are not such a rare occurrence. They are more associated with transitional age, as a rule, these are intervals from 1 year to 2 years, then at 3 years and at 6-7 years. But if such restless behavior is observed only during awakening, then parents should attend to activities that favorably affect a sound and healthy sleep of their child.

How to normalize baby's sleep?

  • Introduce a rigid sleep and rest routine. Follow a specific waking and wake schedule for your child every day. For example, if a baby wakes up every morning at 8.00, and in the evening he goes to bed at 22.00, then you should not deviate from the usual daily routine. This will make it easier for him to fall asleep and wake up at the same time. In addition, the daily regimen is very useful for the development of immunity in childhood.
  • Obligatory walks before bed. At least 2-3 hours before bedtime with your child, you need to go outside to get some fresh air. It is even better if he runs and jumps to his heart's content, then he will be physically tired, and it will be better to sleep at night until the morning. Thus, he simply does not have enough strength for night tantrums.
  • In the evening just before going to bed, exclude watching cartoons or TV programs, it is better to play calm quiet games with the child so that his nervous system will not be overloaded and he will get ready for bed faster.
  • Relaxing bath at night. To prepare it, you need to purchase one or more “soothing” ingredients at the pharmacy: motherwort, calendula, mint, lemon balm or coniferous extract.
  • Air the room at least 1 hour before bedtime.
  • Give your baby a soothing herbal tea. It is easy to get it at any pharmacy. Many of the herbal teas are designed for toddlers from one year old.

Over time, when the child grows up, the tantrums and restless behavior that tormented the baby during sleep will pass. This usually occurs by 4-5 years of age. But if the problem is protracted and, moreover, the child is too emotional during the daytime, then you should seriously think about the child's health. After all, this behavior is a sign of certain neurological diseases. For example, increased intracranial pressure or hyperactivity, which, by virtue of being recognized only by experienced professionals.

Today we will talk about the worst nightmare of any parent - when a child wakes up at night with a tantrum and cannot be reassured. To many, this situation does not seem to be something supernatural - it happens that babies wake up crying at night, but then sleep peacefully on.

Most of the advice from doctors and other parents on how to calm a child is designed for this very situation. They provide for the establishment and strict adherence to the daily routine and evening procedures before bedtime, long walks in the fresh air, massage, relaxing baths. All these recommendations really work, but not in the case when the baby wakes up at night and cries, starts screaming, does not react to anything and does not know what he wants. Unfortunately, some people face this situation quite often - sometimes even every night. What is it - children's night fears? What is the reason for their appearance and how to deal with them?

Crying in a child's dream may mean that the child had a nightmare.

Source of nightmares

There are no children who are not afraid of anything at all. At the same time, fears that persist over time should attract the attention of parents. Their appearance is always due to certain factors and rarely happens from scratch. Among the most common are:

  • heredity;
  • a difficult course of pregnancy in a mother;
  • pathological situations during childbirth;
  • the presence of serious illnesses;
  • previous operations (especially under anesthesia);
  • lack of communication with the mother;
  • various psychological trauma;
  • an abundance of impressions and an overload of the nervous system;
  • tense atmosphere in the family - quarrels between parents, physical aggression on their part, stress and conflicts.

The reasons for the emergence of fears are usually taken from:

  • daily life of the baby - change of place of residence, school, kindergarten, changes in the environment, conflict situations;
  • the situation within the family - the appearance of a new family member, including the birth of a younger brother or sister, death of relatives, divorce of parents;
  • mass media - television, radio and the Internet contain a lot of negative information: stories and programs about crimes, disasters and terrorist attacks, journalistic investigations, documentaries.


Children quickly learn any, especially negative, information. Therefore, watching a movie that is not children's can affect a child's sleep.

How to identify fears?

Night fears in children usually appear even before a year, starting at 6 months, and are associated with the developmental characteristics of the baby. At 2 - 3 years old, children are afraid to be left alone, at 4 - 6 they are afraid of the darkness and various monsters and monsters, which is reflected in their dreams. The characteristic features of nightmares are:

  • they usually begin 2 to 2.5 hours after falling asleep, usually between 1 and 3 hours;
  • duration - from 5 to 20 minutes, with a sudden onset and end of hysteria;
  • repeatability several times during the night;
  • the child abruptly wakes up, screams and cries, opens his eyes, but he does not notice anything around and does not react to anything (we recommend reading:);
  • during an attack, there is increased sweating and shortness of breath;
  • the child wakes up in hysterics, but does not react in any way to the appearance of the parents, since he is not aware of either their presence or himself;
  • it is not possible to calm the baby's tantrum or switch his attention to something else;
  • unconscious aggression towards parents and attempts to destroy the room in which it is located.

Having discovered the above points in the behavior of your own baby, do not despair. It is difficult for any parent to observe the nightmares and tantrums of their own child and be unable to help him, but it is possible to correct the situation. You can seek help from a psychologist or wait for the baby to grow up and the nightmares will go away on their own.



Children's imaginations are quite vivid. Therefore, the kid can come up with many monsters hiding in his room. Parents, on the other hand, need to allay the child's fears by showing that under the bed and in the closet is absolutely empty.

How to deal with night fears?

Tantrums and nightmares at night go away on their own with age, but following some simple recommendations can ease the period of their course. You should:

  • stay calm - such problems are quite common in babies aged 3 to 5 years and are not as terrible as you think;
  • to constantly be close to the baby - your task is not to allow him in such a state to harm himself and those around him;
  • not to remind the child of what happened, so as not to intensify his feelings;
  • try to prevent the appearance of nightmares by waking the baby about 30 minutes after falling asleep - this way you will avoid another attack;
  • give the child the opportunity to get enough sleep by increasing the time allotted for sleep and organizing a day's rest, which is especially important for children under 3 years old;
  • do not let the baby overwork - keep track of his loads during the day, for children 7 - 10 years old, if you refuse to sleep at night, change the time of getting up or hanging up;
  • Show your child you care - a close, trusting relationship will help you calmly discuss the situation and try to find the source of its occurrence.

Should I see a doctor?

In most situations, the help of parents is enough to overcome nightmares, but in some cases it is necessary to turn to specialists. Parents should be alerted to the following symptoms:

  • the duration of the attack is more than 30 minutes;
  • nightmares come closer to the morning;
  • during an attack, speech is impaired, behavior becomes inadequate;
  • the baby, by his actions during a tantrum, can harm himself;
  • fears do not pass even during the day;
  • the cause of nightmares is the situation in the family - conflicts, divorce of parents, domestic violence;
  • over time, the attacks become stronger and last more than a year;
  • nightmares and tantrums are reflected in the behavior of the baby during the day;
  • during nightmares and tantrums, the baby has bouts of urinary incontinence.


If the child has a nightmare, then the parents should help him calm down. Alternatively, you can lie down with him, read a book, the main thing is that the baby feels protected

Particular attention should be paid to the course of nocturnal attacks if children have convulsive readiness, which is expressed in:

  • sudden head movements;
  • twitching shoulders;
  • and rolling your eyes;
  • sticking out the tongue;
  • stuttering;
  • attacks of enuresis, repeated several times a night;
  • suffocation;
  • false croup;
  • bronchial asthma.

All of these symptoms only exacerbate the situation with children's tantrums and nightmares. The reasons for an immediate visit to a doctor are seizures accompanied by:

  • screams;
  • motor excitement;
  • loss of consciousness.

When such symptoms appear, the baby's condition is diagnosed and, based on its results, drug treatment is prescribed. To overcome the problems, the help of a psychologist may also be required.

Prevention and treatment



In the process of treating a child's fears, you may have to resort to the help of a psychologist.

The nightmares themselves are rarely treated with the use of medications; they usually try to eliminate the cause of their appearance. In cases where the source of their occurrence is a physical or mental illness, it is treated. If the nightmares are the result of stress or anxiety in the baby, consultation with a child psychologist or psychiatrist is necessary. Occasionally, drugs may be prescribed to shorten the rapid eye movement phase or prevent nighttime awakenings - this is only done if the child has a serious sleep disorder.

Clarification of the circumstances of the appearance of children's fears should be dealt with by a psychologist. During communication with the baby, he determines the source of the nightmares, the degree of their danger and measures to combat them. The main diagnostic techniques are drawings, role-playing games and staging of scenes - in them, using the example of heroes, you can learn and analyze the causes of fears, discuss their consequences.

The behavior of children best shows what kind of atmosphere in the family is, how parents behave. It is they who, by their example, form the child's behavior patterns, which can lead to excessive fearfulness or distrust of others.

A calm, even atmosphere in the family, the absence of tension and conflicts will help the baby overcome the fear of the dark and get rid of nightmares. Active sports can also be a good help in the fight against nightmares. Swimming, jumping from a tower or over the bar, martial arts - all this will give self-confidence and relieve the fear of darkness, water, heights, and so on.

Dealing with childhood nightmares involves addressing the immediate cause of fear. It should be explained to the baby that it is absolutely normal and natural to be afraid, since fear allows you to avoid dangerous situations. Parents should often tell him that there is nothing shameful in fears, they need to be accepted and learn to live with them.



A child's drawings can reflect all of his fears and problems. An experienced psychologist can help you understand the causes of the problem of poor sleep

How to Raise a Brave Kid?

In order for a child to grow up brave and active, it is necessary to make some efforts, and the following recommendations can help in achieving this:

  • do not humiliate, but also do not make the child and his desires the main thing;
  • treat him as an equal, respect his personality;
  • do not scare the baby and do not punish him without good reason;
  • make sure that he has enough communication with different people - relatives, peers, friends;
  • do various crafts with your child, do creative work with him - this way you can monitor his mental state and neutralize fears that appear in time;
  • hug and kiss your baby more often - physical contact with parents will help him feel your care and protection;
  • watch the atmosphere in the family - trust, respect and love will help reduce, if not completely get rid of fears.

How should parents behave?

You can overcome childhood fears by adhering to the following principles:

  • Respect the child and their fears, do not laugh at them or deny them. Higher participation and attention to the problem will have a greater effect than statements from the series "You are already big to be afraid of the dark (for more details in the article:)!", "Stop thinking up!" and the like.
  • Do not shame or reproach your child for his feelings - this will only increase the anxiety and lead to feelings of guilt. Let him know that even "real men" have the right to be afraid.
  • Do not try to force your child to overcome fear directly, for example by leaving him alone in a dark room. Offer him your help and support: examine together all the "scary" places where he sees various dangers, look into the closets, under the bed, in the dark corners. Not finding anyone there, the child will quickly believe in the groundlessness of his experiences and calm down.
  • When a child misbehaves, do not scare him with various monsters and villains and do not threaten to give him to anyone.


Understanding, care and love of parents are important components for a stable psyche of a baby.

Children's imaginations are the source of nighttime anxiety

All children are not alike - each of them has their own fantasies and their own opinions about everything. They can create for themselves the object of nightmares, and a developed imagination will only give them more realism. You can also use these abilities of the child to overcome fears.

Make contact with your child to find out the source of the fear. Help your child separate and overcome their feelings by learning to change and control their feelings. Try for this:

  • together with the baby, compose a story with a good ending, which tells about the way to overcome fear;
  • make a drawing depicting fear, and then tear it apart - simultaneously destroying the picture and helping the child to take control of his emotions.

Sleeping room

Try to provide your child with a private room if you are allowed to do so. Nursery furnishings should create a cozy and relaxing atmosphere:

  • Provide good sound insulation in the nursery so that nothing interferes with the baby's sleep.
  • Maintain the optimal microclimate in the room - Dr. Komarovsky recommends for children a temperature of 18 - 20 ° C and a humidity of about 50 - 70%.
  • Ventilate the room regularly and do wet cleaning in it.
  • Use only natural fabrics for bedding. It should always be fresh and clean, calm colors in light colors. You can also use bedding with your favorite characters.
  • Take care of the safety of the sleeping place, check that there are no sharp protrusions.
  • Using a radio or video nanny will allow you to be aware of your baby's restless sleep in a timely manner, if he has his own room.
  • A special night light or a favorite toy taken with you to bed will protect you from monsters and banish fears.

When the son was about two. His tantrums were terrible. They started out of the blue. They did not end if you throw all your strength into consolation. The child struggled in his arms. I did not understand the explanation. I didn’t try to show what I really wanted or didn’t want! I remember suppers in tense silence and bewilderment. When the child almost fell to the floor and yelled. And there was nothing to tell my husband about anything other than how awful our day was. Tantrums have become our everyday life, a part of our life. Screams, squeals, banging your head on the floor, falling for any reason, crocodile tears and hiccups ... I remember our powerlessness from the fact that our son does not allow himself to be comforted. I remember the strange looks of relatives and friends - they say it would be high time to educate!

Autism is a serious disease when EVERYTHING is destroyed and destroyed.

Lack of motivation makes learning difficult and slow.

Unwillingness to communicate and fulfill requirements makes the child moody.

Sensory problems and inadequate responses to noise and stimuli make the child sometimes uncontrollable.

Physical and intestinal problems unable to cope with their own mood.

Poor understanding of speech makes attempts to explain useless.

Lack of speech or poor vocabulary make hysterics almost the only opportunity for a child to win back his “desires and unwillingness”.
The Internet is replete with tips and advice on how to cope with tantrums and whims. But all of them are not suitable for special kids. Advice from psychologists and mothers in the yard is useless. Sometimes it is simply IMPOSSIBLE to distract, explain, switch, insist. But it is still possible and necessary to deal with whims. Only other ways. This is my new article.

Tantrums- the behavior of a child who cannot act as he is comfortable with. Know the limits of your child's patience and try not to force them to do what they are unable to do. Try to prevent situations that provoke tantrums as much as possible. Many tantrums are preventable!

If the hysteria is ostentatious, be firm. And if you said no under any sauce, don't give up! I don’t want to do it with the child or the child’s hands, bring what you wanted or didn’t want to the end. Otherwise, you shouldn't even start. Be firm only where it really matters. But be principled always if you said NO or require something.
If you give up in a moment of tears and tantrums, then reinforce this child's behavior. If you are persistent, show FIRM several times your intentions (the right place and time). The child will understand that resistance is useless! Not right away, but surely he will learn to react more calmly to your no and will understand that “no” does not turn into “yes”, even if it is very ingenious to shout in a voice that is not your own and wallow on the floor.

Many tantrums can be prevented IF:


observe the daily routine, adhere to the schedule and make it visual

Warn the child in advance about the change in activity END, say what is waiting for the child THEN
- adhere to the rules established at home and abide by them yourself, support the rules of all family members

Monitor the child's condition, hunger, fears. Alternate load.

If you anticipate bad behavior and take your favorite and most important with you in advance

Prevent boredom, watch for tantrums and distract in time

Reward good behavior. Help, support, praise in time

If you socialize the child as much as possible, gradually increase the load and slowly introduce new ones, quietly accustoming you to stimuli and new places

Praising your child more often than giving valuable guidance. Speak authenku more often as he SHOULD do, and not criticize. Change part NOT to POSITIVE

Listen to what the child wants and sometimes give a choice (where he is)

Remove physical problems, observe, help the intestines, immunity, relieve intoxication, provide, otherwise development will stand still, and the child will be tormented by headaches, joint, intestinal and other pains

Watch out for sensory overload: jogging, running, getting out into the fresh air, hugging tightly, shaking, stroking, etc.

- give small requests to the child and tasks, help to become successful, hand in hand, gradually reducing the hint
-if you find a compromise and bargain and ALWAYS keep promises and do not throw words that will not be fulfilled
-if you achieve the fulfillment of your requests to the child, insist and not be lazy to help and show that ignoring is useless.
-if you are consistent in the decisions and rules that you establish. Observe them first and foremost by yourself

- to accept your child even on bad days, to think about WHY the child is bad, and not why he behaves this way.

and other ways.

IMPORTANT:

Tantrum is a way of communication. Absolutely any child develops through hysterics!

Most often, hysterics in a child with autism is NOT spoiled or disobedient.

During a tantrum, the child loses control of himself, and does not refuse to obey.


How to deal with hysteria

Assess the situation. Choose the appropriate method: ignoring, switching attention, relaxation, consolation, educational process. Depending on the reason for the hysteria.

Calm down yourself, breathe, ignore people and the advice of others, find the quietest place or take your child outside.

Attempts to scold, persuade or instill something in a child during a tantrum are usually useless

To calm down, do not demand anything, speak simply and little, take it in your arms or on your knees.

DO NOT get annoyed. The calmer the mother, the calmer the child.

Do not hand out cuffs, it is not clear and offensive to the child.

Ignore where appropriate. Better at home where you can practice endurance as much as you like

Hugs, physical activity, change of scene (away from irritant) can help
If the hysteria is ostentatious, do not give in. If the desire is fulfilled at the time of the tantrum, you will reinforce this behavior.


Remember. If Autyata could, they would behave better! But self-control is weaker, speech understanding is worse, sensory problems and physical ailment interfere with proper development. There is NO desire to please and please someone else other than yourself. Autists are complete egoists. They are not burdened with rules and regulations. And the desire to observe them. Loud stomping, pinching, biting, yelling is easier if it leads to a result. Our task is to show the child that the rules, requirements, norms, prohibitions and responsibilities still EXIST.

Be as patient and calm as possible. Remember. You CANNOT prevent all tantrums. Because tantrums are part of Autism. Children find it harder to deal with rejection. Fixing broken toys, giving up, changing routes or activities. Autistic people perceive the load, music, light, ambient noise and things usual for other things OTHERWISE. You cannot control your child's well-being and reactions. You can only try to remove physical problems (,), understand and prevent some moments.

The problems of tantrums were our problem as well. The son refused to go to the shops. Shouted in a bad voice in hospitals. He demanded goodies with shouts. I banged my head on the floor when I said I shouldn't. I was lying on the street on the asphalt for reasons invisible to us ...

Now everything is much better, the child is socialized at a good level, we can go to visit, to the park, playroom, for a birthday, even to a toy store and a candy store ... at 4.5 years old, the child knows that if his mother "stuck" it is easier execute, and if he said no, then it is worth listening. Maxim speaks, refuses by speech, asks in words and attends kindergarten for the whole day. He can already understand and NO and then and NOT. More and more demands are made by society on the son.
Tears still come, but these are not the same half-hour hysterics when the child screamed, rolled, screamed, screamed and struggled. When he didn’t hear, didn’t see and it was impossible to console, distract, switch, and most importantly UNDERSTAND. What made the child so upset.

We have come up with many ways to prevent and reduce the incidence of tantrums. We worked from the inside, removing physical problems and sensory gaps, developed a specially emotional-volitional sphere and said NO and were consistent and dragged the child everywhere and regardless of whether I wanted or did not want to do it together, hand in hand. And they made mistakes. And they were looking for new ways and opportunities. We adjusted. They accepted the child even on his bad days. Learned to cope with your child's autistic behavior and tears.

It is possible and necessary to fight the whims of Outyat. You just need to remember that our children are special and their tantrums are not simple and not casual. You have to learn to say no and ignore where it might work. You need to learn to feel for the child where his hysteria is bad behavior, and where fatigue and overwork, malaise.

How to prevent, how to avoid, how to distract, how to comfort. Where, and most importantly, HOW to insist on your own and clearly say no loudly is described in my new article. In mine, I tried to answer the question as much as possible.It turned out to be a very large and very informative article. With many examples, useful recommendations, as well as our experience, our tricks and secrets.

I wish everyone victory in the difficult fight against hysterics. Learning to overcome and cope with autistic behavior is POSSIBLE!

Natalia Maksimina, November 2015



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