How to behave "Make yourself at home!" - says the hostess, although she usually means something completely different (if, of course, she is not a saint). And only the last egoist will take advantage of her offer.
In fact, the hostess wants the guest not to be shy.
But this does not mean that he can drink juice from bags and walk around the apartment naked.
If you do not have a goal of making the guests leave and never come again, behave diplomatically, do not be offended and do not be capricious. You and your habits will be constantly assessed.
Before the guests arrive, do a general cleaning and hide all the "skeletons" in the closet under the lock. Preparing for the arrival of guests A good hostess will certainly buy all kinds of yummy food for the guests.
The room for them should be no worse than a hotel room (or better).
The beds were made with clean, crisp sheets, put two pillows for each person (three is possible), do not forget about toiletries, towels (must be large), blankets, hangers and, for beauty, put scented candles or flowers in the room. If you have one bedroom in your house, you don't need to give it to guests.
They may feel embarrassed about embarrassing you.
The hostess should entertain guests in every possible way (but do not drive them out for a morning run).
Rules Your Guests Must Follow After you show you where everything is, it's time to dazzle your guests with the rules you should follow in your home. Just try not to make anyone feel like they are in a museum or a prison.
Gently make it clear what not to do, and then they will be much less likely to get into trouble.
The most difficult thing happens with breakfast, because people are divided into "larks" and "owls." Decide how you will eat - together or separately - otherwise the guests will wait for an invitation to the table.
Never wake them up! Let them sleep as long as necessary.
If someone is acting ugly, talk to them in private. Most likely, he will change his behavior.
How to make guests leave From time to time you will have to receive unexpected guests (someone could not leave after a party or some unfortunate friend asked to spend the night with you).
The scale of hospitality should range from a willingness to give a guest all the best to a desire to kick him out of the house if he behaves unceremoniously.
Once you stop giving him tea and cookies, the world outside the window will seem much more attractive to him. If uninvited guests come to you, you are not at all obliged to receive them.
Come up with an excuse. Tell them that you have a meeting, that you are waiting for your parents, or that it is time for you to leave.
20 years ago, American writers Ellen Fein and Sherri Schneider put together in their bestselling book tips on how a woman can get the man of her dreams. Since then, the feminist movement has revived and strengthened, and such literature has received the stamp of "sexist". However, "New Rules" are still being reissued and find a lot of fans and followers. What's the secret?
Over the years, gurus Ellen Fein and Sherri Schneider have analyzed the behavior of women who are happy in their personal lives - those who have many fans, who have successfully married and were happily married. Oprah Winfrey called their best-selling book, "Rules for Winning the Heart of the Man of Your Dreams," a phenomenon and has twice invited the authors to her talk show. People magazine classified the book as a must-read, and glossy magazines named it the best publication on relationships. The authors assure that over the 20 years of existence of the "Rules", millions of women have been able to feel their absolute effectiveness. They received a relationship full of love and respect, which spilled over into a happy and strong marriage. In New Rules, writers help modern women and girls communicate via Facebook, Skype, SMS, and more. and at the same time remain mysterious, maintain the hunter's instinct in a man when there are so many "easy prey" around him, get married in an era when everyone lives in civil marriages and is in no hurry to take responsibility.
"Men love difficulties and lose interest when the object of this interest - and especially the woman - gets to them too easily."
“The secret way to get a guy is to be challenging. Treat him as if he were indifferent to you, ”urge Ellen Fein and Sherri Schneider. In their opinion, it is necessary to create an atmosphere of mystery and make a man passionately desire to meet with you, which is a rarity today. "Rules" is a way of communicating with any man (provided that he first started a conversation with you, in person or on the Internet), thanks to which he becomes obsessed with you and is ready for a serious relationship. "
How to Marry the Man of Dreams According to Ellen Fein and Sherri Schneider
Be a different girl and look like a different girl.
Do not approach the man first and do not start a conversation, do not call or write to the man first.
Don't ask men out on a date via SMS, social media, or in any other way.
Wait at least 4 hours before replying to the man's first message, and at least half an hour before replying to each subsequent message.
"We'll talk / write back later": always and everything finish first - and disappear from sight!
Do not reply to SMS or any other messages after midnight.
Do not accept a Saturday date invitation later than Wednesday. The "right girls" lead a busy life. Of course, you've already made your weekend plans before Thursday arrives! If he invites you too late, don't reprimand him. Just say you're sorry but busy.
Make yourself "invisible" for instant messaging. Even if nothing is happening in your life, you should not notify the guy about it by instantly responding to his messages. As with any form of communication, he must wait for the opportunity to speak with you. To be interesting to you, he will have to work hard. Do not deprive a man of this opportunity by immediately responding to messages and sitting online for hours! Remember, you have a life of your own (study, work, friends, hobbies, workouts and, we hope, dates), and there is only 10 minutes left for chatting and no more. If a guy has a lot to say to you and has a lot to ask you, he can do it during a date!
Don't spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week with him.
Relationships at a distance: let him offer to communicate more often on Skype and visit you.
Don't text men first, ignore emoticons and winks on online dating sites.
Don't pay for dinner and don't buy his love in any way.
Don't be self-destructive when dating married men. If he wants to see you, tell him to call you when he becomes bachelor. And after that, no communication, forget it, say "next!" - and focus on finding men who are truly free.
Don't date a man who cancels your dates more than once.
Do not send a man anything that would be unpleasant to leave him in the event of your separation.
Don't settle for one night's sex and meaningless relationships.
Take your time to sleep with a man. The “right girl” makes the guy wait to help him fall in love with her, with her soul, with her essence - and not just with her body. The longer you delay sex, the longer he will be able to look after you, plan romantic meetings and dream of you. Men love difficulties and do not appreciate anything that comes too easy for them, especially when it comes to sex!
Don't date a man without obligation! If your relationship lasts more than a year and at the same time it is “right” (you allowed the man to “chase after you”, met with him no more than 2-3 times a week, refused to spend vacations with him, did not move to live with him), then most helped him fall in love with you and want to marry. The man wants to see you more and more. But if, after a year of relationship, the man did not offer to marry him, you should tell him that you are a girl of an old-fashioned upbringing and are not going to date anyone forever. If he starts making excuses, offer to take a break from the relationship. Ask him to think it over alone and call when he's ready to commit.
Summer again. Many have already arrived, others are just waiting for them. Waiting for dear guests and not so, close and thirtieth relatives, classmates and colleagues, friends and acquaintances.
They are happy to wait for polite, tactful guests and with fear - unceremonious and annoying.
Let's talk about guests who come to us for the duration of their vacation or stay with us, finding themselves in our city. About those situations when we become hostages of our traditional concept of hospitality.
Quite often it becomes just a measure of our patience, and our hospitality is just a mask. Unfortunately, by inertia we are exploiting the outdated psychology of hospitality.
Hospitality is a wonderful tradition, it implies hospitality to guests, respect, attention, generosity. It's good to be hospitable, that's right. Popular wisdom teaches us this. Let us recall the old popular saying "in cramped conditions, but not in offense."
Immediately, a lonely traveler appears, who late in the evening knocks at a hut on the outskirts of the city and asks for an overnight stay. A kind host, of course, will let the stranger in, give him a place to sleep: on a bench or on the floor, share food. And at the same time, the hospitable family will receive entertainment. They would ask the traveler about other places and listen to tales.
In the old days, guests served as a source of information, and therefore they were received with joy. However, at the same time, a saying arose about an uninvited guest. It turns out that he was always not happy.
It's easy to be hospitable when you live in a mansion and you have a lot of money on your account. And an ordinary person living in a city apartment is often cramped in it himself. Needless to say about our material wealth, and guests are almost always an additional waste of money.
However, there are people who are always glad to have guests. These are people who lack communication. Others are accustomed to having a rest at home after work from the crowd, bustle, noise and perceive the reception of guests as a heavy duty.
It is a good thing to see family and friends. when people who are in trouble stay with you. It is noble to give shelter to a person who has nowhere to stay.
But quite often people who have enough funds to relax in a sanatorium, stay in a hotel or rent a room express a desire to meet with relatives and at the same time to relax in the capital or at a resort.
The old stereotype of thinking that living with relatives and friends is normal is very tenacious among our people. In fact, it is normal - for a short time, no more than three days. And when for a longer time it often turns out that some are resting, while others suffer inconvenience or even suffer.
From my youth I remember a typical summer situation when someone comes to work in an incredibly elated mood, as if he won a big sum, and joyfully announces: "Congratulate me, our guests have left."
Nowadays, many say that they are tired of guests, and they no longer intend to invite them, but continue to receive them. Why? For different reasons.
I remember a case from the Soviet past. The employee celebrated the holiday in the department with joy. And on Monday, she suddenly went to work and withdrew her vacation application.
The reason is banal - uninvited guests fell on their heads. It is not hard to imagine the situation: the woman was planning to spend her vacation on renovating the apartment on her own, she prepared everything, bought building materials. And then a surprise: a classmate of a husband with his wife and two children. And if you consider that the employee lived with her husband and daughter in a two-room apartment in Khrushchev, it is not surprising that she was not happy with the guests.
But what then is our favorite formula of hospitality: in cramped quarters, but not in offense? Yes, she simply does not fit such situations.
It is absurd to think that, having violated other people's plans, having pressed someone, and even without an invitation, by a surprise, you can count on true hospitality, on cordiality. The best option for reacting to arrogance is, as you know, polite patience.
There is an opinion that impudence is our national trait. Unlikely. Rather - the ordinary bad manners of some. Quite often, among the guests there are tactful people who know how to arrange their daily routine in such a way that they hardly meet with the owners.
Early in the morning they tiptoe to the city, to the beach or on their own business and also quietly return late in the evening, they constantly feel awkward because they embarrassed the owners.
When we were young, we had just unique guests. A married couple, classmates at the institute. They came every summer for a couple of weeks with two small children. On weekdays, my husband and I were at work, my daughter in the kindergarten.
On these days, the guests were on the beach until lunchtime, came home, cooked dinner, after which they put the children to sleep. At this time themselves, they cleaned the apartment, cooked dinner. And when we came home in the evening, they took our daughter and walked around the city with three children. Thus, for me in the evening there was no housework left, I was resting. Fantastic, not guests.
Not so long ago an old acquaintance called: "Save me, advise!" It turns out that guests in the amount of three people, distant relatives, unexpectedly come to them. Why can't you say no? The reason is that they have already bought tickets, so it is inconvenient to refuse.
There is only one way out - to find a very cheap apartment or hotel for them. Otherwise, you have to make room, but you don't want to. For many, the situation is painfully familiar. Why don't we say no? Is it really normal: to smile at the guests, and silently count the days until they leave?
Isn't it because we just don't know how to say "no", we don't know how to resist someone else's impudence, we don't respect ourselves and our family?
One of my relatives, with great pleasure after the departure of the guests, despite her fatigue, washes the floor. There is such a popular omen that guests do not come again.
Another friend always has at the ready a list of fictitious reasons why, unfortunately, they cannot receive guests now, otherwise they would be happy.
Everyone chooses their own method of confronting unwanted guests, but there is nothing wrong if at all persuasion to stay with you, you simply say a firm "no".
It does not matter at all whether you have serious reasons for the type: the son is taking exams, someone is sick, repairs, etc., it is enough that you just do not want to embarrass your family. You have the right to say no.
After a refusal, you shouldn't feel guilty. Some immediately seek to make amends for their nonexistent guilt and undertake to pay for the accommodation of uninvited guests at the hotel, without even thinking that by doing so they are paying for someone else's impudence at the expense of their family.
It doesn't hurt to learn how to prioritize. Family interests and your own should always come first. Don't be afraid to offend someone all the time. A decent person will always treat with understanding, and an unceremonious person - how it will turn out.
Some readers may have thought that I just hate all the guests. No. There are so many people whom I gladly host at home. But, like everyone else, I have situations when there is no time for guests and I have to refuse even close relatives.
Each of us has our own problems. Most of them have small apartments. All of us sometimes or always lack something, and more often it concerns money and health. Is it worth then, because of a false sense of hospitality, to complicate your life even more by hosting people who are a burden to us?
It is also possible that potential guests do not even suspect how burdensome their presence is. Wouldn't it be better to tell them directly about it? This is normal, it is natural if the question concerns the interests of the family.
© Taisiya Fevronina. 2011
Why can't you clean up when someone's gone?
This is based on superstition and omens.
In order not to break the connection with the person who left. Don't wash away his tracks.
For example, after the dead, when they are taken out of the house, on the contrary, they immediately wash the floors so that he cannot come back.
You cannot, of course, sweep the floors and wash them after loved ones leave the house. It is believed that in this way the energy traces of people who set off on the road are swept away or washed away and it will be more difficult for them to go back, to find their way home. The invisible energy connection of those who left and those who remained is cut off. Better to wait, not to clean the apartment for at least a day, nothing bad will happen.
You cannot clean the house (apartment) until the person who has left arrives at the destination.
Once I went to the taiga (distant business trip) and in a week I had to get to the place. My wife thought that I was already there (there was no cellular connection then) and started a general cleaning a week later. And I got into a blizzard, the roads were covered with snow, the car broke down and I had to get to my destination for a whole month. I almost froze then, the snow was about 2 meters in height and the frost was about -30 degrees. It's good that the all-terrain vehicle with the geologists arrived in time - they helped with fuel and informed the base, and they sent a car for me.
So much for a simple cleaning of impatience.
Such a sign that one cannot clean the house after the departure of loved ones is widely known, and as far as I know, everyone adheres to it. It is believed that if you start sweeping, you will sweep a person out of the house, and he will not come again. There is a good omen, after a person leaving, pour water from a glass or mug, and then everything will be all right with him.
Yes, according to signs, it is necessary to clean up after the departure of any guest people from the house after he has reached the place or when he has definitely settled down with the road. For example, I got on a plane train.
This is due to the fact that all memories of a person are removed from the house along with cleaning. While a certain mess inherent in any collection on the road will remind the owners of those people who left their home. Remembering them, the owners will share their energy, as if helping along the way with their feelings and thoughts.
But then the moment comes when all unpredictable traffic situations are practically over, it becomes clear that transport is moving in the right direction - and you can wish to happily get to the place and get down to business.
Observance of such a sign is adhered to by many, and this is not unreasonable. Here, in this case, there is an energy connection with those who left. A person in the subconscious mind keeps in touch with loved ones on the road, thinks about them, and the rest think about him, wish him a good journey. This is facilitated by the warmth and energy left by the houses in the form of traces. Thought is, after all, material. If we constantly wish good in our thoughts, then by doing so we help this person.
Indeed, there is such a sign. You can not move, wash or vacuum anything until the person who has left reaches the final destination. Ostensibly, otherwise the road will be difficult. It has been traveling since ancient times. If a man leaves the village and goes to a neighboring village, then his wife will sweep the house and feed the cattle until the husband comes to visit. Otherwise, it was possible to anger the evil spirits. So wait for the call that the person has arrived / arrived, and only then you can get out.
There is such a belief that you cannot seriously clean the house when someone is away from home. Nor can you sweep the floor when the family has just left the house. It is believed that the way home is swept away. All this, as it were, cuts off the path home for the one who left it. Believe it or not, everyone's business. But many omens and superstitions work, if not strange.
People say that it is impossible to get out, since that person will not have a way. Rather, there will be no luck on the road, that is, there will be some problems, difficulties, unforeseen bad situations. It is better to wait until the person gets to their destination, but then you can already clean the house with a clear conscience.
This tradition comes from ancient customs. It is believed that if a person left, and you immediately began to clean the house, then you can thus sever all ties with him. And you will never see him in your house again.
Or cleaning after a person's departure may block his luck on the road.
You cannot clean up on the day when the person left you, and the next day you can already wash the floors without fear.
It is better not to intentionally wash the floors, not wanting to see the person anymore, otherwise it may return a hundredfold.
“The mother-in-law is coming to visit. Take to live for a couple of weeks ”- from the announcements on the women's forum.
Do you like unexpected guests? And the guests do not mean at all the girlfriend who ran in for tea, and not the crowd of friends with whom you selflessly sing songs with a guitar. We are talking about guests with a capital G - about those who leave behind an empty refrigerator, a cat who has gone into hysterics and a firm conviction: "Never again!"
WORSE TATARIN
Masha:
- Somehow a guy from Moscow came to visit me. We met in Smolensk, he is an actor, he came to us on tour, and I did the plot there. Then they began to communicate. We had a great time with him in Smolensk. And in the evening he drove home. And then I wake up one morning, and I receive a message: "Hello, what are you doing?" I answer: "I am sleeping." He told me: "And I came to visit you."
I used to dream of some similar story, but in reality the person was very unawares. We quarreled, he went for a walk around the city. I was going through. In the evening he came with a big teddy bear. In the end, we parted well, but he never came to visit me. And I still sleep with his bear.
To avoid such situations, watch your tongue. Often we throw in a conversation: "Well, don't forget, come visit." For you this is so, a turn of speech, but a person, perhaps, is already starting to pack his suitcases.
Rule # 1. Do not invite anyone to visit out of politeness or for the sake of good words.
It also happens…
Faith:
— We were once invited with a young man for a birthday barbecue in the picnic area. We only knew the birthday boy. We come to the place - there all the faces are unfamiliar, the hero of the occasion has gone somewhere (he ran for a drink). We met and drank wine. In an hour, everyone became the best friend. The birthday man returns, and here the embarrassment is not the same. It turned out that the clearing was mistaken. They escorted us to the desired glade, then they all rested together.
I HAVE COME TO YOU FOREVER TO LOCATE
In our time, when personal space is an almost sacred concept, a request to let live for a few days is perceived as an invitation to execution.
When my father’s sister’s second cousin comes to your city for a visit and two daughters going to college, and intends to live with you “for a couple of weeks, no more,” it’s embarrassing to refuse her hospitality. It is impossible to offer the aunt to go to the hotel - the relatives will be offended and will not understand. In this case, it will be less evil to lie than to grit your teeth for several weeks and eventually break loose.
Rule # 2. It is better to refuse right away than to come up with reasons later, as if more tactfully to offerunexpected guestsget out of the way.
Let them know what you have
- renovation begins;
- you decided to leave and rent the apartment for a while.
If you have a warm relationship with the prospective guests, but you don't want to let anyone into your house, you can find them an inexpensive rented apartment and even help with part of the payment.
On the other side…
Nadia:
- My husband and I are journalists, we go on business trips a lot. It's great when there is an opportunity to stay with friends. Nobody has money for a hotel, and they want to save some money. Therefore, we never refuse those who ask to stay with us for a few days, knowing that tomorrow we will need the same service.
HELLO I'M YOUR AUNT
Oleg:
- Twice a year we have a full house at home: the wife's relatives, who study in absentia, come to our city for a session. Usually it is two weeks of hell - first they teach at night, then they drink at night. In their free time, they are asked to entertain, show Red Square and take them to Ikea. Our kopeck piece is becoming like a student dormitory - notes, books are everywhere, inflatable mattresses are spread out on the floor. We don’t smoke with my wife, and they still strive to smoke in the kitchen through the window at night. The last straw was that after passing the next exam, the guys brought guests to our house - the owners, they say, would not mind, such a holiday! I could not resist and said that next year we will not be able to accept them, because we are starting to make repairs. They were a little offended, but peace of mind is dearer to me than family relations.
Vitaly Pakhomov, psychologist:
- The discomfort associated with the reception of intruders is explained by the violation of the boundaries of personal space. This is a natural feeling, no need to be ashamed of it. To minimize the inconvenience caused by the visit of guests, it is necessary to say that you remain the host in the house. Don't change your daily routine. The order and order of the house must remain yours. If the visit lasts long enough, you need to discuss who cleans the apartment, buys food and prepares lunch.
If it was not possible to avoid the invasion of guests and they have been laying out their cots for the second week, asking for towels, suffocating with your perfume and squeezing your cat, then it is time to take measures to protect their borders.
- Stop cooking, entertaining, and staying late at night with guests.
- Ask the "guests" about the exact date of departure.
- Wedge wedge: explain that you are waiting for the next batch of guests, so it's time to "empty the room."
Rule # 3. A guest who has lived in your home for more than a week will automatically cease to be considered a guest. This is already a tenant, so feel free to shift to him some of the housework, the purchase of groceries and other household chores.
Could be so…
Masha:
- Once two girls-girlfriends, whom he did not like very much, wandered to my friend, and began to behave in a boorish way: it is not good to joke, speak sharp and nasty things. At the request to leave, they giggled stupidly and remained sitting. Then Mitya took a spray bottle and with a pshik made them retreat to the door.
Natalia, mini-hotel administrator:
- The main thing is that the guests know that you are the hostess here and your decision is not subject to discussion. There are, of course, guests who make noise and swear. In an amicable way, you need to call the police, but after all, a person does not want to spoil the rest, maybe he just drank too much, so he made a scandal. In such cases, I call Gregory - this is our neighbor, such a huge guy. Usually the brawlers from just one look at Gregory calm down.
Do you often have uninvited guests?
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