I hate my husband's mistress, how to calm down?
There is no point in hating her, it is quite possible that she is an ordinary woman who also wanted happiness, and not an insidious temptress. Men know how to describe their marital status in this way, they can say that he has not slept with his wife or has not lived for 5 years, that his wife is a slob and smells bad from her and he lives only for the sake of children, that his wife is confined to a hospital bed, etc. ., sometimes you are amazed at their unprincipledness. So it is perhaps much more productive to hate your husband? Then you either part with him, or find out the relationship, that is, somehow clarify the situation and your future life. Think for yourself - what woman would start dating a married man if he told her right away - I’ll just waste you sometimes ... without obligations, and don’t even hope for more, I love my wife and my family is dear to me. I'm afraid while you hate this mistress, your husband will find another. So you will hate and destroy yourself all your life. It is necessary to solve the problem within your family.
find yourself a lover. sounds silly, but it really helps. you will absolutely not care, you will live by your meetings, and not be hysterical because of some aunt. and do not be tormented by remorse, since the husband allowed himself this, then let him receive it in full. maybe a normal man will turn up for you and you generally spit on your offenders.
You know, chances are your mistress hates you too. And accordingly you are her. And it would seem, why do you hate each other? What have you got to do with her here? You haven't done anything bad to each other. But the man did you bad. Both. So you don’t hate a man? I don't know if you live with him and he went to his mistress, or he left altogether. But you each of you deserves to be happy and loved. Of course, you don't have to directly love your rival. But think about why this is the case. And what do you want, what kind of ending. Hate is the biggest delusion. Here's an example for you: my husband had a mistress, he even wanted to go to her, but he somehow doubted, hesitated, decided everything .. As a result, he stayed with his wife. And the wife, at a time when their relationship was not going well, met a man and the comparison with the returned husband was no longer in favor of this husband. And she is now married and lives, is doing, in love. And his mistress hated him. I would be glad to accept but cannot. Too much negativity has accumulated. So the man remained at the broken trough. Here is a topic for thought ... Maybe your happiness is on the way ... Let go of hate. Already if you do not fall in love with your rival, well, at least have mercy, too, after all, an unhappy woman. And as long as you have hatred in your heart, you will not be able to see the whole situation realistically.
You will hate yourself and become a mistress. Life is a boomerang. And you will be hated the same way. Boomerang's law. it is your husband's choice. Which you yourself have chosen. And he chose another. There is a song we choose, we choose. Leave her alone. there and without you everything will collapse someday. When she finally meets a decent person.
In general, a strange question for me, to know that my husband has a mistress and continue to live with him? Women are you talking about ??? Only the unsure of herself can allow her husband such a "luxury", why do you live for the sake of money, children ???
It seems to me that it is very humiliating that he does not weave to you there, and no matter what arguments you give to justify him.
Although I know couples who live together, everyone changes and also celebrates the anniversaries of their life together. I couldn't!
This is no longer love, but living together.
Poor thing, you won't calm down here, I think! = (
Leave or exchange with your husband!
Do you love your husband because he walks away from you? Apparently, loyalty is not your husband's strong point. You have several options: 1. Show yourself that you are a "wise" woman and continue to suffer and continue to eat away at yourself from the inside with hatred, losing beauty and health; 2. Put the suitcase with her husband's underpants and socks outside the door and send the husband to all four sides; 3. Get a lover (at least it will be fair). I am for the second option, but what you do is, of course, only up to you to decide!
Get a lover.
You see a question that was asked to the Universe by one of the users of the site, and the answers to it.
The answer is either people who are very similar to you, or your complete opposites.
Our project was conceived as a way of psychological development and growth, where you can ask for advice from "similar" and learn from "very different" things that you do not know or have not tried.
Do you want to ask the Universe about something important to you?
Girls, I know how painful and bitter it is to find out that your beloved has cheated on you. But it is even more painful when you find out that a young girl, who has nothing for her soul, was preferred to you as an intelligent, adult, independent woman. This is exactly the story that happened to Olga. Let's give her the floor.
… This happened quite recently. To be honest, ten years of my life lost all meaning because of a stupid youngster who seduced my husband! My current position is simply hopeless.
I can’t think about anything normally, because every morning I wake up with the same question: “How to take revenge on your mistressmy legal husband? " And I want to do terrible things! The only thing holding me back from this is the children.
My husband is an entrepreneur. For many years I supported him in all the failures that came his way. The fact that businessmen can easily row money with a shovel is in fact a fiction. How many times my husband was on the verge of bankruptcy and breakdown, and I tried to convince him not to give up! I was a devoted wife. now my turnI hate my husband what to do do not know ... He trampled everything that was between us with his betrayal!
I was a faithful wife and helper
We got married when Paul was a young and ambitious man. Parents helped us rent an apartment. We were in love with each other. Pavel was ready for anything for me. He was handsome and kind. His eyes burned. He decided to try himself as a businessman. He started small. He began to buy some unusual health juice in China and offered it for sale in fitness clubs and gyms.
He spent two or three years with these juices. The profit was, of course. We had enough money to pay for the apartment on our own. We went to the sea several times. In his work, Pavel was not afraid of anything, and I think that our relationship played a big role here. After all, he was sure that at home he would always find a loving friend and wife, that is, me.
A very large shipment of goods suffered one winter. By someone's oversight, juice in glass bottles was transported in an unheated carriage in winter. The entire batch was lost because the juice froze and the bottles burst. We have lost a large amount of money. Needless to say, in what despair my beloved was. But I never tired of repeating to him: "Entrepreneurs do not give up!"
Then Pavel opened an online store. Dealt with it, set it up. It lasted a long time, because I wanted to learn how to do everything myself. Here, of course, it was also full of pitfalls. But my dear husband always met at home with peace and faith in him. This helped him move on.
now my turn I want to divorce
More than ten years passed in this way. Over the years, we have had children, two boys. Our family has become very wealthy and successful. The husband turned around and made good money. But, apparently, only a white stripe does not exist in life, a black stripe must also come ...
This summer we were going to go to the village to see my mother. Live closer to the earth. Yes, and our boys are curious to communicate with the village children, to run to the river.
However, at the last moment, it turned out that Paul could not leave his business. This happened more than once, so I went with the children alone. And I could not imagine that minehusband went on a spree.
But I was wrong. When I returned with the children a month later, a surprise awaited me ...
My husband confessed everything to me. That evening Paul informed me of what had happened. He said that while whiling away the lonely evenings, he became addicted to going to a night bar in the center of our city. And one day he met a young woman there. Alcohol and affordable beauty broke my husband's vigilance. He succumbed to the spell of a new acquaintance. It was disgusting to hear the details of how it all happened. Even now I am shaking with disgust when I remember that my husband cheated on me.
Can treason be forgiven?
Most importantly, this twenty-year-old bitch didn't want to part with my husband as easily as she did. Yes, he repented, asked for forgiveness. He claimed that it happened once, that he simply drank too much that night. I was shocked to hear his confession. But the worst thing is that right during our conversation, she called him and began to beg him to meet again. Pavel, of course, asked her not to call again.
But she doesn't give up! Now this woman (it hurts me to pronounce her hateful name) just sticks to my husband! She completes him on the phone during working hours and in the evenings. My life has turned into an outrageous nightmare. I justI hate my husbandfor his betrayal and I don't knowwhat to dome further and how to live.
Olga was able to overcome despair, hatred and anger. She did not take revenge and instigate the intrigues of her husband's new passion, but went the other way. The most difficult thing was to take the first step, calm down and make an informed decision. To do this, Olga took time out, left the children to her husband and went to a sanatorium for 12 days. To understand herself and to cool down for her, as the course of Danila Delichev helped me. You can find information about him at the link below.
Every woman, having learned about the existence of another equally beloved person in her life partner, will experience a lot of negative feelings. The first desire for revenge will be quite natural. But after a while, the woman begins to understand that emotions only interfere with making the right decision. Sometimes it is better to survive the betrayal and stay with your loved one. However, you also need to defeat a new girlfriend. How to get rid of your husband's mistress forever and still respect yourself and your partner?
First you need to be sure that your partner has someone. You should be armed with facts, not speculation, and betrayal should be constant, and not accidental one-time. You also need to understand whether you want to be with him after what happened, whether you can sincerely and completely forgive. In any case, life together will no longer be the same. But if you are sure of treason and want your partner to leave another and come back to you, our recommendations will come to the court.
Do not tell anyone about this, do not try to ask for advice from anyone else, this is a family matter, and nothing more. It is better to figure it out on your own: the situation will be resolved sooner or later, and all the initiates will have a sediment.
Take care of yourself. Change something in your appearance, behavior, become attractive, smart, well-groomed. To do this, you do not have to spend a lot of money, many things can be done within the walls of the house: go in for sports, do manicure-pedicure-masks and so on. Interested men's views will instantly affect self-esteem, your posture will become better, your look will be more confident. Next to such a woman, the desire to look for someone on the side will disappear.
Intrigue your daily communication with your partner, make you jealous, but dosed so as not to overdo it. When you become mysterious, you will want to understand you. Take your thoughts with yourself and only yourself.
Do not sort things out, do not make scandals. Remain completely calm. Such behavior should only pleasantly surprise, but not strain or disappoint. Don't try to date another and try to figure it out. Remain calm and cool.
Become the most desirable woman for the chosen one, so that the husband leaves the other and comes back to you consciously. If you know the one that crossed your path, study its features, which could attract a partner. Appearance, habits, behavior - any fact can go to your piggy bank for updating your image.
If your life partner is an owner and loves weak women, leave your job and become a housewife, seek help and support, show strength over you.
Stop thinking about cheating, do other, completely extraneous things: repairs, summer cottages, children, find yourself a new hobby, go to a meeting with old friends, find new friends for yourself.
Live a full life, surround yourself with positive emotions, smile more often.
Present a romantic evening that turns into an unforgettable night so that everyone but you will be forgotten.
If you and your partner have always had a stable, trusting communication, discuss the affair with him on the side. Try not to act overly emotionally or aggressively when doing this.
How to defeat another
What effective ways are there to get a husband to leave his mistress once and for all? We offer short advice from a psychologist, recommendations on how to get rid of an annoying mistress:
- Do not think of her as a living person, think only of the reasons that made your spouse go to her. Think about how to eliminate the reasons for the trip, and not the person herself.
- Try to get to know the other half from scratch. Imagine that your husband is a complete stranger to you. Discover new traits in him, study habits, admire him like the first time. Admiration for the stronger sex is very important.
- Relax somewhere alone. A sense of ownership will wake up in him, he will want to understand what is happening, to catch up with you.
- Load to the fullest. Let him repair the taps, change the light bulbs, start raising children intensively, start chopping wood - whatever, so that at the end of the day he is so exhausted that he doesn't want to go anywhere. And I just wanted to be at home and relax. However, do not overdo it - otherwise it will rarely appear at home.
- If your partner does not know that you know all the adventures, and you know another lady by sight, try to develop in him a disgust for her: tell something unpleasant, repulsive about her. Or about her untidiness, untidiness, or any diseases (most effective - venereal). About promiscuous behavior or strange habits.
- If a friend turns out to be a new beloved, break off all relations with her, even if she convincingly explains her behavior to you. You don't need guerrilla warfare.
- Let your beloved go to the lady of the heart for a few days. Usually, they are not ready to tolerate a man in everyday life.
- If you have influence on the life of your rival, try to send your mistress away from your husband as far as possible. Business trip, internship, transfer to a neighboring branch, a tighter work schedule - any means to make meetings as rare as possible.
3 main choices
- Deliver an ultimatum - for the husband to make a decision. This step is usually taken from despair and in hearts, and emotions are a bad helper. A man can tell you that it's over, and at the same time go to her, but more hidden.
- Give the right to choose a man. If you are willing to stay with him and forgive any wrongdoing, this path is possible.
- Show that you feel good yourself. This step is only good if you really feel that way, otherwise the falsity will be visible. Don't panic looking for a quick replacement for your spouse.
How to understand that you are still able to restore and maintain a happy family life? If the faithful does not talk to you about what is happening, then he values the marriage and is not going to destroy the family. If you openly told you everything, without hiding anything, you may have already made a decision, and it is not to your advantage.
If, after all the attempts, how to make your beloved hate his mistress and return to you, you have not achieved the desired result, do not rush to resort to the services of magic. If the husband does not leave his mistress, this may indicate the seriousness of feelings.
Sometimes it happens that a man himself would be glad that his mistress lagged behind, but this will never happen. And he is already ready to gladly remove the other from life, but his girlfriend holds on tenaciously and does not let go.
I got married at 20. My future husband and I met when I was still in school, began to meet, then live together with him. I got pregnant, we got married. A daughter was born. Her husband loved her very much and still loves her. I took care of the house, studied, then started to work. It was difficult at times, they often quarreled, but they got by.
When the eldest was 6 years old, we decided on another child, we wanted to strengthen the marriage. However, after the birth of their second daughter, things got even worse. The husband was promoted at work, he became the head of a new department. I sat at home with the children. Only when my daughter was one and a half years old, I learned the terrible truth. Since the husband became the boss, he has entered into a relationship with his deputy, a girl 6 years younger. He cheated on me with her for almost a year, until she married another. After the site of her wedding, he went crazy, went into a binge, quit his job, made a scandal for me.
Almost half a year his insane state lasted, then he filed for divorce from me. It was insanely offensive and hard. Later, I left with my daughters from his apartment to my parents. I learned that his mistress was also getting married pregnant. A year after the wedding, she divorced her husband. Could it be because I was actually pregnant by my husband? I thought justice existed, I was glad that she also received from life. Three years have passed since that time. The resentment against him did not pass, I was even disgusted to give him the children at the meeting. But he regularly pays child support, and the girls miss him. I grit my teeth and allow them to communicate. I knew that he met with some women and, despite all the insult, I wanted him to come back to me, so that he understood that he was wrong. The last time I took the girls for the weekend, they came happy on Sunday, and began to tell that they were visiting the site of an aunt with a girl, they had a new sister.
I was just shocked, I found out through mutual acquaintances that he is now. After all, a few years later it happened. I sobbed all night in horror and disgust. I called him, could not resist. I asked if her daughter was really born of you? He said no. But I love this woman, and I don't care whose child it is, now I have three daughters. I replied that I hated him, and that he would not dare to drag my children to this wretch, otherwise he would not see them again.
I hate this woman. I don't know how or what she did to him. What attracted you? Hopes of getting along with him collapsed like a house of cards. I would like to catch her and beat her well, but there will be problems later. It remains only to ask for help so that she will be spoiled.
Anonymous comments (8 ) to the confession "I hate my ex-husband's mistress":
Hello Anonymous Hold on, hold on, but don't turn back. What example do you want to give your girls? Family, where dad walks, mom suffers, but endures all this? Is it worthy of emulation? You have girls, they will absorb a similar lesson and in the future they will consider male infidelities as the norm - this is how their father behaved, did not respect the family. Will you like this future of your children? And in addition to this, imagine yourself and your condition - will you be pleased to live on pins and needles and in constant suspicion all your life? Is this the life and the family you dreamed of? Yes, the Lord brought you and your husband together, gave you two wonderful children. But now the Lord makes it clear that your paths with your husband are at odds. Thank him for everything that happened. I understand it's hard, it hurts you from his betrayal, but you have to live on.
Today you need courage and courage, take responsibility for your life on yourself and do not look back at anyone. Change your life and do not expect someone else to come and make you happy for you. Yes, you wanted to save your family, but your desire alone was not enough. And would you be happy if your husband stayed with you ?! Rejoice. You are starting a new, happy life. Survive the betrayal of your husband and start LIVING. Begin to love yourself, to please yourself. You have a meaning for someone to live for. The world has not collapsed. After all, no one knows what awaits you ahead.
As for the husband: leave him, do not touch him, this is his choice, his right, God is his judge. Just do not turn children against him. Little time has passed for you, but everyone comes out of this cocoon. You, too, will find a way out - and very soon, I believe in it.
You will still be very happy, but you will have to work hard for this. I understand very well that now you are not up to my predictions, you only believe in one thing: the world has collapsed ... and you will never be happy. I promise you - WILL be sure. It's just that the Lord gives us the best for us, even through such trials. The pain goes away, just not through thoughts about him, you can't think about them at all. And I understand that you can only think about them. Overcome, shout down, overpay, let the emotions overwhelm you, then emptiness will come, and then it will become easier. And your husband is no longer your husband, only his shell, and he is called the lover of another woman.
No need to damage anyone Author Leave them alone, they have their own life, you have your own. Do not live in hatred, as it will destroy you in the first place. Live on, for the sake of your girls. Everything will still be, because life goes on.
Understand that besides yourself, no one will bring peace to your soul. This is a tricky job. But anything is possible. It all depends on you. Strength to you, patience and health.
Dear author. You must live for your daughters. Not to live a past life, it is no longer there, but to build the future. Forget them like a bad dream. I understand you, my boyfriend was stolen by a neighbor. I was just crazy, I wanted to wish them everything evil, but over time, I calmed down, realized that this was not my man, and she had nothing to do with it. If he was like that, he would have found another. Well, let them deal with their own. Sometimes I remember him. But she left everything in the past. And you do not do any damage, it will then return to you and your children. You better pray, Psalm 90 and May God rise again. All the best to you. I believe that you will succeed, and you will be happy that you will get married! Find the strength for the girls.
Anonymous, I really sympathize with you. But understand, this is not your man, and you are not his woman. With your hatred you drain your soul and do not allow yourself to build your future life. Well, BZ does not love you, but loves his current wife. It hurts, but true. Don't dwell on it. And a man who loves you and only you, will still meet you!
I agree. Why hate him and her. This is not a love affair at work, this is creating a family, regardless of life's obstacles.
The author, you are in captivity of your negative emotions, so you think your husband's mistress is to blame for everything.
From the outside, your situation looks like this:
- "We met for several years, lived with him, I got pregnant, we got married ..." And your man was ready to marry you if you did not get pregnant? If yes, then why didn't you get married earlier? (It is likely that marriage
he has it not by feelings, but by flight);
- “We often quarreled, but got along.” This is an indicator that in your relationship with your husband there was no mutual understanding and “got along” it only for you, and the husband felt bad at home.
- "When the eldest was 6 years old, we decided to have a second child, we wanted to strengthen the marriage .." I sincerely do not understand how a small child can strengthen a relationship or a marriage !? This, on the contrary, is the most difficult period even for loving couples, a litmus test of their relationship. Apparently, the idea of "strengthening the marriage with the second child" belongs to you (you decided to follow the previously proven path - heal - get married, heal - make peace, " maybe she won't get divorced "). At that time, the husband already understood for sure that you and he are different people and decided to find a replacement for you. etc. It would be necessary to sit down and find out, at least, without reproaches and claims, what does not suit your husband in you, and not live a parallel life. Probably, the reasons were serious, since there were quarrels, but you did not want to work on the relationship, delve into it ..
The author, you do not understand me correctly, I do not justify the behavior of your ex-husband, cheating is definitely abnormal and dishonorable, but in order to build a new harmonious relationship, you need to work on your mistakes. Between you, judging by the description, there was no solid foundation, it is natural that your marriage rocked from side to side, like a boat in the middle of the sea.
Apparently, you and your ex-husband are people with different worldviews, who do not want to work on problems in relationships, the fault of this particular mistress here is minimal for your marriage. If you didn’t suit your husband for living together, then if not this girl, it would be different. Her fault is that she entered into an intimate relationship with a married one.
The author, your husband, after a divorce from you, continued to live on, and you froze your pain, despair, negativity, live with emotions from the life of your ex-husband. Do you want to take revenge ... Why do you need all this? As for spoilage, this is, in general, trash. Do you know that this is a sin? Are you sure that this abomination will not return to you and your children? Why, after a few years, did you not leave the past in the past, didn’t let go of the situation, didn’t take care of yourself and your children !? Think about it! How difficult it is for your children and parents to see everything that you are now filled with. This all repels men from you. Life is so short, youth is even shorter, and you are wasting it so uselessly ... Author, consult a psychologist, if you yourself cannot understand and accept all this, get out of your head this thought of corruption and hatred of your ex-husband's second wife and start working on yourself , you have a lot of work.
For some time Katya was even ready to commit a crime, but therefore changed her mind. Now she is looking for sophisticated ways to take revenge on the woman who destroyed her family:
“I hate my mistress to such an extent that I even began to understand women splashing acid in their faces. I won't do that myself, but I really want her to feel bad, even if not physically, but mentally.
It hurt so much that I want to return most of this pain to her a hundredfold. At the moment, I am struggling (maybe in vain) with the desire to just go up to her, grab her hair and beat as far as I can. This is the first time in my life, I am generally a very peaceful, non-conflict person. Where can I throw out this hatred, this feeling does not allow me to live normally, all thoughts of revenge.
I know that this is stupid, unworthy, and the husband is primarily to blame, but I cannot cope with it otherwise. I want her to suffer and suffer. "
Katerina
Women on the forum tried to dissuade Catherine from rash acts. They advised pouring out all their hatred on her husband, and not on his mistress. After all, it was he who swore to her in the registry office of eternal love and fidelity, but did not fulfill the promise:
“It’s better to throw it out on your husband. He is much more to blame than she. I wish you happiness and a worthy man next to you. "
Anonymous
“A lover, no matter how disgusting she may be, is just a catalyst for your relationship with your husband! For some reason, your relationship with your husband cracked, and then she appeared. This time. And unforgiven grudges lead to illness, that's two. Do you need it? "
Anya
“Like suffering together is more fun? What does the other woman have to do with it? If I stop loving sausage, but I love black caviar - what is the fault of the caviar that I chose it? You will appreciate yourself better - what has changed in you and your husband, that there is no longer the same love between you, can this be changed "
Dezzi *
“Katerina, no one expects that you will respect or love L. She will not reciprocate in the same way. The desire to grab, beat, splash ... Maybe it's logical for the first reaction. But ... you understand. You can be punched in the face with the same degree of probability - there is complete equality. Plus, a criminal offense ... Do you want it? Are you really at this level in society? It is clear that it is difficult to cope. BUT, you can handle it. "
An experienced lover
“The author, do not be fooled. She is an outsider, and it was foolish to expect decency from her towards you. Even if your loved one (I mean my husband) could not meet your expectations, then it’s an outside aunt ... Although, I personally understand you. Are you and your husband left in the end? Apparently yes. Otherwise, you would not be so sausage if you deleted him from your life. "
Milena
Other women were more insidious. They offered Katya several options for sophisticated revenge, some of which they had already experienced on their own:
“My friend’s husband cheated on a colleague at work, they all worked in the same team ... She could not stand it, pulled her by the hair in front of everyone.”
Anonymous
“Author, if you really want to, then - you can! Just do it beautifully. There is a wonderful story of revenge in the novel "The Master and Margarita". Remember how Margot smashed the apartments of the Master's offenders while being invisible? Mmmmm, beauty! This is unlikely to be repeated, of course. But, for example, you can send her a New Year gift that she will open with her family or at work, among colleagues (this is a prerequisite!), And in a beautiful box there will be a rubber machine with some cute inscription. "
I AM
“I didn’t fight, he went to her. After a while I had the opportunity to put sticks in my wheels. I inserted sticks (I had a chance twice), I don’t know what they have there, but life will not be so sweet, because I have the right, determined by law, to do what I did. I consulted with officials, gave the go-ahead, generally blocked I am oxygen, and some dreams will come true not as controversially as they would like, and maybe never, depending on how officials look at this situation (and he and she violated some laws). "
Anonymous
"Dissolve poop with sul and water in a jar, splash it"
Anonymous
“I had the same problem. I found out her phone number and began to send her anonymous SMS (I bought the left number for this). She wrote something like this: a loser, a cattle, etc. Acquaintances said that she became depressed. Precisely because I convinced her every time that she was a failure. Crazy. level worked. And I calmed down. I don't even know, she generally understood who wrote such SMS to her. "
Anonymous
Catherine came to the forum to understand how to take revenge on her mistress. In addition to some interesting options, she also received a lot of advice on who should really be punished in this situation.
