What to tell the relatives of the deceased. Condolences. What cannot be said to a person who has lost a loved one

Death is a sad, but natural component of life, which sooner or later every person faces. Close people, relatives, friends and colleagues are passing away, and expressing condolences for death is the right decision. They convey compassion for the loss, share pain, offer help, which is incredibly important for the bereaved. But what is the right way to express condolences over death? Which words would be most appropriate and which should be avoided?

How can you express condolences?

The best way to express condolences on the occasion of death is a personal meeting and a few short but succinct phrases that reflect the life of the deceased and grief about his departure. They can be expressed in this form:

• Laconic prose - the best way, since long, difficult phrases can be misunderstood, they will immediately be forgotten. A couple of sentences, said with an open heart and sincere bitterness, would be appropriate. You should not be fake, say words that you think are beautiful, but not suitable for the deceased.
• Poems, but this form is extremely undesirable, as it can be misunderstood. The fact is that in poetry there are always exaggerations and other turns of speech that can be perceived in two ways. If the deceased appreciated poetry or was himself a poet, then the poetic form may be appropriate, but only in the form of laconic two- or quatrains.
• Religious rhetoric, but it will only be relevant if the deceased was a deeply religious, believing person. You can use several quotes from the Holy Books, or pray together for the newly appointed. If the deceased was an atheist, agnostic, or practiced new, rare practices, then it is better to refuse religious epitaphs.

Sincere condolences, spoken from a pure heart, in your own words is the best choice... Coming up with suitable phrases, it will not be superfluous to recall interesting and bright moments from the life of the deceased. They will calm your relatives down and help you cope with grief faster.

How to offer condolences if there is no way to do it personally?

Situations often occur when there is no way to say the words of grief in person. In this case, the following submission of condolences in connection with the death is allowed:

• Writing is an ancient method that has not lost its relevance to this day. A short handwritten letter with sincere words of sorrow will be a consolation for the bereaved.
• A postcard made in a discreet colors with abstract images. As a rule, it complements a letter of condolence or a small funeral bouquet of red or white flowers.
• A basket of flowers, decorated with a mourning ribbon, on which the epitaph is written. This option is often used in companies with the loss of an employee, as well as among distant relatives. A laconic phrase on a beautiful tape is a great option for honoring the memory of the deceased.
• Email is a modern way of expressing condolences to people who are in another country.
• An obituary in the printed edition - this option is practically not used today. Most often they resort to it at death outstanding people, for example, scientists, artists, political figures.

In no case should condolences in connection with the death be sent in the form of SMS, as this looks extremely disrespectful both in relation to the deceased and grieving relatives. Firstly, not everyone reads the text message, and secondly, the question arises - was it really impossible to call and say a few words, holding the phone in your hands? SMS can be sent only if the subscriber is out of reach for a long time.

How do you express condolences?

In order for the spoken phrase not to be perceived as insincere words without meaning, it is worth adhering to the following rules:

• You don't need to restrain your emotions and inner feelings. A few really warm words spoken from the depths of my soul and a strong hug are more valuable than a long, but emotionless speech.
• Support not only with words, but also with warm hugs, touching, shaking hands. Through such simple actions, the grieving person will feel that he is not alone in this difficult moment.
• After words of condolences, relatives can be offered any help they can. This will prove a willingness to be there not only on the day of death, but also in a further equally difficult period of life.
• During your speech, remember only positive moments, vivid significant events that will make you smile at least in your soul.
• Let go of the insult if you were in a quarrel with the deceased, because after death all insults end. Do not hold evil, do not accumulate negative emotions, ask for forgiveness at the coffin. This will bring relief, especially to the family of the deceased. If the relationship with the deceased was not very good, then it is better to choose a short, not pompous phrase, for example, "I offer my condolences" or "let the earth rest in peace."

Joint prayer will not be superfluous, which can bring harmony to the grieving and relieve the torment of the deceased. As a rule, it is pronounced after the condolences of everyone who came to the funeral. If it is difficult to independently choose words about condolences on death, then you can use the following examples:

• Shocked by the sad news, brace yourself.
• I just can't believe in the departure of such a person, an irreplaceable loss.
• The loss of a loved one is always difficult to bear, I sympathize and empathize.
• The deceased and I were not always in good relationship, but now I want to apologize for all the disagreements. Rest in peace.
• It is difficult to choose the right words in such a mournful moment. Remember that you can always count on my help.

It must be remembered that a few of your own original phrases are always better than an epitaph read somewhere. Be sincere, speak warm, sincere words and the mourners will surely appreciate it.

Avoid major mistakes!

There are a number of phrases and expressions that are completely unacceptable as condolences. The emphasis in them is placed on things that are inappropriate in a mournful moment and therefore cause negative emotions.

When expressing grief, you cannot:

• Encourage future prospects, for example, "still young, have another child", "time heals" and so on. Such phrases sound tactless, because mourners experience grief at a particular moment, and they see their future life very vaguely. After the loss of a loved one, people are unable to speak and think about the future.
• Look for someone to blame, even if there is one. It is not necessary to voice how fate could have developed if they had acted differently. Phrases like “another doctor would have saved him for sure” will not bring relief, but only add to the feeling of guilt. You should not blame the deceased, even if there is a grain of truth in it.
• Point out the positive aspects of what happened - "now you can do what you have long thought of", "death is better than such torment" and so on. The loss of a loved one can never be positive! Such phrases are tactless, they speak of a person's bad manners or the insincerity of his empathy.
• Elicit details of death or last days because memories will bring even more suffering.
• To point out your similar sad experience - "I also had a loss ...", "I know that it's hard for you, because I was in your place." A person oppressed by the loss is of little interest in anyone's experience, and its imposition will only cause negative emotions.
• Give trivial advice, for example, "you have to live for the sake of ...", "you have a child in your arms." Such phrases look very stupid, they are not needed in moments of grief and sorrow.

Wanting to support a person experiencing the pain of loss, it is better not to use well-known phrases and epitaphs. “Everything will be fine” or “stop crying for the sake of the child” will not help to cope with the avalanche of feelings, but will only make you angry, cause a quarrel. The best that you can think of is personal sincere condolences to family and friends, filled with emotions and feelings. Don't be afraid to say simple words, because often they are more useful than memorized epitaphs.

Hello dear readers! When loved ones die, dear people - this is a great sorrow, which is very difficult to endure. At this moment, words of participation, words of support from the people around are important. But not all people know how to express condolences. The expert advice collected in this article will help you.

Mourning words

Condolences are sympathetic words of grief that are expressed to the bereaved. At a subconscious level, we roughly know how to behave in pleasant life situations, what words to say on holidays, birthdays. And about the death, we don't know what to say, we immediately get lost, especially when we are not ready for such a loss.

For most people, such events are difficult to understand and accept, therefore, words are not immediately found that could help a person come to terms with the death of a loved one.

We all understand that those people who have suffered a loss are so vulnerable that they feel any insincerity in their words.

At this moment, they are looking for participation, support, so it is important to follow the phrases so that the accidentally escaped word does not add emotional pain.

Sometimes it is better to remain silent, come up, just hug the person, thereby showing your sympathy and understanding of the loss.

We will try to help you choose the right words that will give the person a sense of your support and sincere sympathy.

You should hear depth, sincerity, willingness to help you in your words. The grief-stricken person will not be able to understand your long speech, therefore the words of grief should be short but succinct.

It is important to timely sympathize personally, send a telegram or send an SMS. But you can only use SMS as a last resort. It is not possible to convey all the sincerity of your participation in SMS. Do not choose template texts, it is better to write from the heart, in your own words.

Find short words of consolation, support. You can write a verse, but on the first day of the death of someone close to someone, you are unlikely to find understanding. If you are relatives, you must remember all the anniversaries of death. For the first anniversary, you can write your sincere verse next to the photograph of the deceased. It will be appropriate!

In connection with the death of any person in the cemetery or at the memorial table, speeches are always made. In this case, mention the merits of the deceased.

Say that it will be difficult not to remember him when you complete an unfinished project or when you go fishing, barbecue, and so on.

If this is a woman, then say that hen parties will not take place without her or there will be no one to take the embroidery pattern from. There is something kind and sincere about each person.

Famous mournful phrases

• “Let the earth rest in peace” is pronounced immediately after the burial or at the commemoration.
• "The pain of loss is beyond words."
• "I sincerely condole and sympathize with your grief."
• "Please accept my sincere condolences on the death of a dear person."
• "Let us keep in our hearts the bright memory of the deceased."

Suggestions for help

Help can be offered to everyone: a friend, colleagues, acquaintances. How to offer help correctly:

• "We will always be by your side, we will render all possible assistance to you and your family."
• "You can count on our help in resolving issues that may arise these days."
• "I'll be there, count on my help."

Sorrowful words of support at the death of grandmother, mother

• I share your pain of loss, I worry with you, I remember ___ with the most sincere words!
• Loss is hard to accept! It hurts to think that __ is not with us, but a fond memory will always remind us of her!
• In memory of your mother, you must (must) hold on. She will always take care of you. Everlasting memory ___!

To the death of father, grandfather

• “Accept my sincere condolences, I deeply sympathize, I experience with you. Father (grandfather) was a real support for you and your family. "
• “Your father was a strong personality. In memory of him, you must show wisdom, endure great grief, continue what he did not complete. "
• "We will carry the good memory of this bright man through our whole life."

How to express condolences on the death of your husband

• My condolences from the bottom of my heart! Throughout life, you walked side by side, hand in hand, and now you got this bitter loss. You need to hold on for the sake of children, to find the strength to survive the most difficult days of your life. I will be your support. Be strong!
• The loss is irreplaceable, but God will give strength to survive this grief. We will keep about __ the brightest memory!
• It's hard to find words to comfort you. The loss is irreparable, but we will always be there, you know that!
• For the sake of your children, their well-being, peace of mind, you need to find the strength in yourself to cope with immeasurable grief. You must live, your love is not dead, it is immortal!
• Eternal memory to a bright, kind person!

To the death of a friend, brother

• It is difficult to come to terms with the loss of a young guy who did not know many of the joys of life. Eternal memory to him!
• You must become a double support for your parents, for yourself and for your brother. Hold on, be strong, support your parents
• He has not left our hearts, we will remember him as long as we are alive!

Condolences to relatives

• Please accept my sincere condolences. It hurts to speak, it is impossible to accept. Bright memory!
• Any words will not resurrect a loved one, but we are always there. Everlasting memory!
• What a man has left this world! The grief is immeasurable. She lived modestly, and left, quietly and modestly, as if a candle had burned out. Kingdom of heaven to her!

These short words of mourning can be sent in writing by ordering a telegram or by writing an SMS.

Condolences to a friend

• Your grief is my grief. I am ready to share with you the bitterness of loss and always come to the rescue. Count on me! Let's pray together for the soul of the deceased!
• You are in pain now, but time heals, and I am ready to support everything I can. You can rely on me, count on my help!
• The friend didn’t want you to go limp. Be strong for your friendship and count on my support. I will share your grief!
• I'm really sorry! But you have to hold on, a friend looks from heaven and supports you. Be strong!

Words of support to a friend

• Friend, I will pray for the peace of my soul __ with you. Prayer will help you get over this grief!
• Your grief shook me to the core. I am experiencing with you. I am grateful to fate that I allowed me to meet such a wonderful person as your mother.
• Please accept my condolences and deep respect for your deceased father. It's hard to find words when I see you lost from the bitterness of loss. I will always be there, together we will pray for him.
• I was shocked by this terrible news. I will never forget with what joy she met guests, was a kind and reliable friend to everyone. I sympathize and cry with you!

Words of comfort to a colleague

• I am amazed at the passing of someone close to you. I will pray for his soul.
• Please accept our most sincere condolences. May God reward her for her good deeds on earth, and we will pray.
• This tragedy shocked us, we are sincerely worried and offer our help.
• We are shocked by this sad news. It is difficult for us to believe that there is no longer a close, dear person with you. We share with you the bitterness of loss, we sincerely grieve with you. Everlasting memory!
• It is hard to lose loved ones, but the death of a mother is the greatest grief in the world. We grieve with you!

Short words on the occasion of the death of loved ones

Examples of condolences:

• The incredible news shocked me. It is impossible to accept and accept it. Hold on!
• I share with you the pain of loss.
• The announcement of death was a terrible blow. I empathize with you.
• The deceased meant a lot to us. Let's remember and honor!
• Grief can confuse the mind. Hold on, the deceased would not approve of your tears.

Mourning words among Muslims and Orthodox

To a Muslim do not say the usual words for us. They have their own traditions, their own faith. It should be respectful of another faith and culture.

• May Allah forgive all the sins of your deceased, make your consolation good!
• May Allah reward you with more reward, relief in difficult situations!
• May Allah forgive the sins of your deceased!
• May Allah have mercy on him!

How to express condolences Orthodox?

• What a loss! God's man! I pray for the peace of his soul, I pray for all of you!
• Peace be bright to his dust.
• Rest in the Kingdom of Heaven.
• Rest in peace.
• Kingdom of heaven and eternal rest!
• God is merciful!
• Lord, rest with the Saints!

Farewell: the sage of antiquity Cicero said: "The life of the dead continues in the memory of the living." Remember your loved ones, honor the memory of them while you are alive and pass this on to your children!

At the hour of remembrance, until the pain of loss subsides, the first thing to remember is delicacy... Find out, see examples of words of condolence and. These guides will provide an overview of ethics of remembrance and prompt true words of consolation.

But memorial speech has its own specifics. In it you turn to a whole circle of guests who gathered to comfort their loved ones, to remember the deceased themselves and listen to what friends and relatives have to say about him. They are waiting for your words, and your mourning speech can sound with b O the greatest pathos than is customary for personal expressions of condolences.

The words of mourning directly at the funeral should be extremely short, but speech at the commemoration may not be limited to a couple of phrases.

Memorial words of sorrow and mourning speech

First, introduce yourself and, if this is not obvious to everyone, tell me who you are to the deceased. Many will speak at the commemoration. So funeral speech should be laconic, and thoughts are expressed accurately. Guests will understand if the phrase is interrupted by a sudden cry. But unpreparedness, verbiage, and even more drunk babbling, the audience will perceive as a sign of disrespect for the deceased. Don't rely on improvisation! Have a short thesis with you, and at home or on the way to the funeral ceremony, repeat your memorial speech several times.

Don't retell the biography - enough tell about one bright case, an episode of life so that guests will remember this interesting fact... It is important that the event you describe highlights one of the positive traits of the deceased. Better tell me about that episode which you yourself highly appreciated... Study examples that are close to them (each obituary contains an episode from life and condolences).

Emphasize the public's attention to the character trait that your story has demonstrated. Any negative trait has a bright side. Examples of complimentary synonyms:

• About a grumpy person, you can say "He gave me a lesson to be critical of the world."
• About the tight-fisted: "Caution, rationality and foresight are what we all lack today, and what we can learn from the deceased."
• Carelessness in finances: "He was so confident in a better future ..."
• Suspicion: "Knew human nature ..."
• Not very smart: "Gullible, naive, so he believed people ..."
• Arrogant: "He knew his own worth, only the best entered his circle ..."
• Stubborn, stubborn: "Principled ..."
• Yielding, without a core: "Conflict-free ... His credo is a compromise."

At the commemoration one cannot talk about shortcomings: “ About the deceased or good or nothing"- this is the basis of the foundations of commemoration etiquette. It is not worth remembering, especially aloud, about failures, weaknesses, sins and grievances. Forgiveness, reconciliation, remembering the best- this is the necessary aura of the memorial ceremony.

Words of sorrow it is appropriate to supplement with a quote from the deceased's thoughts: an order, instruction, commandment or moral maxim, which he voiced during his lifetime. Then the mourning speech should be brought to the mention of the benefits that he brought to relatives and society. To conclude that a person did not live his life in vain and to promise eternal memory in the hearts of the relatives and friends of the deceased.

“May the earth rest for him / her! Everlasting memory!" You can finish your memorial speech with these words, but many will do so. It is better to choose an appropriate epitaph, consonant with the personality of the deceased:

• If you or the deceased are believers, look here:, or phrases.
• If, on the contrary, the deceased is consistent.
• For the deceased, as well as an epitaph.
• Lot beautiful ideas words of sorrow in or in epitaphs.

Remembrance Protocol

At the commemoration, you need to stand to honor the deceased a minute of silence... The presenter's mission is entrusted to a close family person who, in a mourning atmosphere, will be able to control his emotions. He gives the floor in turn relatives by the degree of closeness - spouse, children or parents, close relatives, and then friends of the deceased.

The presenter should prepare several phrases in advance in order to remove the pause and switch the guests' attention if the speaker's speech is interrupted by tears. It is customary to pronounce memorial words while standing..

Orthodox Christian tradition of commemoration

If the deceased was a believer, then the commemoration should be held according to church customs, in compliance with church rituals... Speeches and prayers are key components of a Christian memorial service. After the ceremony, the host should thank all the guests for coming to the memorial service and praying for the soul of the newly departed. Mourning speeches pronounced when everyone has already gathered at the table.

In the Orthodox Christian tradition, commemoration begins with psalm 90 and. The atmosphere at the table is restrained, you need to talk quietly, in a half-whisper. The first word is given to the head of the family. Then the commemoration is conducted by the head of the ceremony - a person who is respected by the guests and close to the family. Funeral words at Orthodox memorial services pronounced by seniority. Anyone who wants to speak, can and should get the floor.

Funeral toasts * at Orthodox commemoration end with the words: May the earth be [Name] in peace, and eternal memory! Everyone drinks without clinking glasses and bowing to a portrait or an empty seat of the deceased.

* Alcohol is not included in the Orthodox tradition of commemoration (see). But the practice of remembering "without clinking glasses" is deeply rooted in the people. It is important to observe the measure!

It is known in Orthodoxy that, thanks to prayers, funeral services and other Christian rituals, the rushing soul of the newly departed becomes easier. A kind, warm word from relatives and friends pacifies the soul of the deceased and dulls the grief of loved ones. At the end of the commemoration, getting up from the table, each bows to a portrait or to the side of the deceased... Leaving,. It is not customary to say goodbye at a commemoration.

Poems at the commemoration? Yes, but delicately and in moderation.

When expressing condolences personally, face to face, it is undesirable to refer to the verse. Read gathered at a common table friends of the deceased can - after all, everyone expects mournful sayings, memories and some pathos. Possibly in verse... The main thing is that the rhyme is not vulgar, that it reflects the best features of the deceased and corresponds to the moment. And there was brief... Or very brief.

Example of a mourning speech at a funeral

In order not to shackle with the "correct", but unsuitable speech for you, instead of a specific example, we will offer the optimal structure of the memorial word with examples of phrases.

Appeal:

• Dear friends and relatives of [Name]!
• Dear guests!
• Brothers and sisters!
• Dear family and friends of our beloved [Name]

Personal positioning in relation to the deceased(modestly):

• I am the nephew of our revered [Name].
• I am the brother of [Name] we remember today.
• [Name] and I have worked / served together for a long time / recent years.

About the mourning event(news of death or remembrance of a funeral):

• My father was ill for a long time; we understood what would happen, but when they called us from the hospital ...
• When I found out that [Name] was dead, that evening I could not think of anything else.
• Although my grandfather lived a long life, the news of death struck me.
• Today is 40 days since my mother left us.
• A year ago, we said goodbye to [Name], a respected and worthy person.

Few words about the best qualities of the deceased:

• Grandmother was the kindest person, hospitable and hospitable hostess.
• She was a support and a reliable rear for the deceased spouse five years ago.
• He was known as a joker and an optimist, it was easy and carefree with him.
• He gave confidence in the future and was a support for others.

Quote the mandate, advice, or moral value that the deceased encouraged loved ones to follow. Then, in a few phrases, tell about a highlight or episode of life, which illustrates the positive quality of the deceased. Well, if this one is yours. How inexpensive to buy monuments to the grave in Moscow? Photos and prices for tombstones made of granite and marble.

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The death of a loved one is probably the most serious emotional test for us. That is why it is so important to support a friend, friend or relative when he is experiencing the bitterness of loss. The loss of a person is the only loss that can neither be replaced, nor replenished, nor compensated for. Any material wealth is recoverable, positions are renewable, offenses are forgiven, and a person dying never returns to earthly life.

That is why, before death, all questions and claims about petty quarrels and conflicts, conflicting views and disputes recede. Unfortunately, it often happens that until a person dies, we don’t even remember that behind all the bustle of everyday life and everyday problems, we stopped noticing what is more important than all this “dust”: the person himself, with his inner world, thirst for justice and good (and after all, all people, one way or another, strive for good), with his amazing and difficult life path, on which he made mistakes more than once, but tried to cope with himself, tried to become good. We forget the originality of his soul, and first of all we forget that we are facing a living unique person.

But then the man died, the closest relatives and friends are grief-stricken. Friends of the bereaved take the tragedy more calmly and begin to wonder how they can help and comfort the bereaved. Support can be expressed in various forms: material and physical assistance, organizing a funeral, sincere conversations with a crying person, etc. The first form of such help is the words of condolences.

Condolence is an expression of our participation in the experience, sharing the pain of loss with the loved ones of the deceased. Our condolences demand great accuracy and sincerity from us. Each of us knows how much a word can hurt, people experiencing tragedy become especially sensitive and vulnerable.

Condolences are always brought either in person or in writing (paper letter, telegram, e-mail, in extreme cases - SMS). The content of a condolence speech must meet some formal requirements, but in essence it cannot but be sincere. First of all, it is necessary to express regret for the death of the deceased. After - it will be appropriate to recall any character trait or deed that made the greatest impression on you, taught you something important, or was a good example of attitude towards life. Then you can express words of support and an offer of help (if it is appropriate). At the end of the speech, you need to express the words of complicity in the grief of the addressee of the speech. A letter of condolence should not be wordy and overly pretentious. Condolences must be sent immediately upon receipt of the death notice.

Here are two examples of open source condolence letters:

“T.I. Tikhonova, all the relatives and friends of the People's Artist of the USSR V.V. Tikhonov

Please accept my sincere condolences on the death of a wonderful actor and a loved one.

The news of the death of Vyacheslav Vasilyevich was received by me with grief. The images of his heroes, which our people loved so much, have always been distinguished by courage and philanthropy, honesty and sincerity.

Throughout his life, Vyacheslav Vasilyevich faithfully served art, steadfastly enduring the trials that fell to his lot. He set an example for new generations of resilience and a life well lived.

I call upon all the relatives and friends of the deceased not to grieve beyond measure, but to pray for his immortal soul, believing in the mercy of God.

Together with you I offer my prayers for the repose of the soul of the servant of God Vyacheslav in the heavenly abodes.

With sincere sympathy

+ KIRILL, PATRIARCH OF MOSCOW AND ALL RUSSIA "

Second letter:

"E. N. Tolkunova, Yu. N. Praporov, N. Yu. Praporov

Dear Evgenia Nikolaevna, Yuri Nikolaevich, Nikolay Yurievich!

Please accept my deepest condolences on the passing of the outstanding Russian singer Valentina Vasilievna Tolkunova.

Her untimely departure is a huge loss for the entire national culture. The whole life of Valentina Vasilievna was the brightest symbol of selfless service to art and people. The songs performed by her became truly popular, they were well known and loved by representatives of different generations.

I sincerely share your pain. I ask you to convey my words of sympathy and support to everyone who knew and appreciated Valentina Vasilievna closely. Unusually talented, mentally generous and charming - this is how she will forever remain in our hearts, in the memory of millions of fans.

My wife joins in condolences.

D. Medvedev ".

Of course, these letters are widely devoted to famous people, but their content and structure can serve us good example to compose this kind of letter.

Personally, words of condolence can be expressed both at the funeral and later. The time of the visit should be chosen depending on the degree of psychological closeness to the addressee of condolences. If you are not very close, then you should not pay a visit immediately, in the first days after death. You can enter within two weeks after the funeral.

Regardless of whether you are writing a letter or personally expressing condolences, it is important to remember the rules that should be followed so as not to "break the wood" and not aggravate the grief. First of all, these rules apply to words and stamps that should not be used in communication with relatives and friends of the deceased.

So, you shouldn't use words like:

"Time heals". First, time alone does not heal. It heals the acceptance of the fact of death and the adaptation of the bereaved to new conditions in which the loved one is no longer there. It always takes time, but it doesn't heal by itself. Secondly, the phrase “time heals” is echoed in the soul “Time will pass, and you will forget it (her)”. Agree, this in itself sounds blasphemous in relation to the feelings of the grieving person for the deceased. All the more so when the grieving person clings to every memory of the deceased.

“Don't cry,” as well as “you can handle it,” “you are strong,” etc. With these words, we program a person into a model of behavior in which he will not be able to freely express his feelings, pain and experiences. Unspoken grief gets inside and destroys the soul and heart from the inside. In the literal sense, a person who has driven tears inside himself can get mental and heart diseases.

"I understand you", "it's hard for all of us", "I also died ...". Considering that condolences are usually brought from more distant to those closer to the deceased, it is not correct to talk about the equal severity of grief. Feelings of each person are unique and inimitable. And grief as well. Saying "I understand you, I have too ..." we belittle the significance of the loss in the eyes of the crying.

Do not look for the guilty and extreme. Do not blame anyone, even if the death really occurred through the fault of someone's negligence or intent. Accusations will not help the grieving person, but they are more likely to warm up his resentment and anger, or a sense of guilt.

Do not try to distract the grieving person from your grief: to amuse him with jokes, to go to rest, to bring him “into the light”. All this will need to be done after some time, but forty days after the funeral is a time of mourning, a time of crying. Until a person cries out the grief, until he speaks it out, attempts to occupy him with something else will not be able to bring him to a normal state, but will only interfere with the normal experience of grief in the mind and heart. Of course, if, in the experience of tragedy, the grieving person stops performing the necessary household activities such as washing, taking out the trash, buying groceries - you can and should offer him your help (but you cannot do everything for him) in ensuring normal household conditions.

If the grieving person is a believer, do not say pathetically before him, "God rest your servant ...", it looks like a Pharisee prayer. Remember who you are talking to. To God or to the bereaved? If you want to comfort a person, then it would be more correct to say "May the Lord rest the soul of his servant ...". And if you want to comfort someone close to the deceased and turn to the Lord, invite the grieving person to pray for the repose of the soul of the deceased. It is easier and best to cope with grief, come to terms with loss, and adapt to loss with a prayer book in hand when you regularly visit the temple. When the heart cries out and grieves, we are more sincere than ever able to turn to the Lord and receive comfort.

Everyone living on earth has relatives: parents, friends, relatives. Each of us, sooner or later, will have to go through the grief of losing a loved one. It is important to know how to help a person survive a tragedy, be ready to help someone else survive the pain of loss and return to an active, but already different life. Life when death has passed by. Condolences are only the first but very important step in providing this invaluable assistance.

Memorial words

reflection of sorrow and pain of loss

The death of loved ones, relatives, friends is always a sad and tragic event in the life of every person. At such moments, it can be difficult to find the right words to express all the sorrow and pain. How to say that the deceased was dear? That he was the most wonderful person? Clearly and clearly articulate about its best qualities and not go too far? Funeral speech at a funeral is a text that is pronounced not from a piece of paper, but from the heart.

Funeral speech is a sample

Initially, you must give your name. Not everyone attending a funeral or memorial service knows you. It should be remembered that long, vague, lengthy phrases are suitable for political debate, but not for funeral speech. It should be short and to the point. So, speech at the commemoration is examples:

“I will introduce myself for those who do not know me: my name is (name). We have worked with (name of the deceased) for the past few years, and I would like to say a few words in his memory.

He was a true professional in his field, a specialist with capital letter... Many of our colleagues, young and not only, learned the basics of skill from him and often used his advice and help. He was very patient and sympathetic, he could always listen to everyone who turned to him for support, advise something, help out, did not refuse requests to anyone. He could perfectly cheer up anyone who was upset, confused or depressed about something. The countless funny stories, toasts, jokes and anecdotes told by him could amuse anyone. We will all miss him very much at our dinner gatherings and corporate parties, where he invariably shone at the table, raising our fighting spirit. There is no other such person in our team anymore. And maybe there will be no more in my memory

We will all miss him greatly. Until the end of my life, he will remain in my memory and in the memory of all our colleagues as an example of perseverance, sparkling cheerfulness, activity and professionalism!

Rest in peace, dear colleague! "

“My grandmother was a wonderful person with a difficult but interesting fate. Her together with three younger brothers and her sister was raised by her mother alone in the difficult post-war years. To say that they lived in poverty then means to say nothing. She had to endure a lot of difficulties and hardships, but she never lost her optimism and presence of mind, constantly helped her mother and took care of the younger members of the family. And later, having married a military grandfather, she steadfastly endured all the hardships of the service. In any circumstances, she always maintained an exemplary order at home and taught all family members to it. My grandmother was sometimes strict, but fair. I am glad that I managed to learn from her neatness and order, the ability to organize my life. And her famous apple pies were simply incomparable, no one else has succeeded!

I will always remember you, my dear, beloved grandmother! Your warmth, love and care will stay with us forever "

How to choose the right words?

Based on the examples presented above, several basic rules can be distinguished:

• The best way is to address the audience in the introduction. For example: "Dear friends and family of our beloved (name) ...".
• You must introduce yourself. Moreover, not only the name, but also the degree of your acquaintance, relationship: "My name is Alexey, (name) and I have been close friends (colleagues) for many (can be specified) years."
• It would not be superfluous to say a few words about your own experiences, about the pain caused by the message of death.
• The following words describe the deceased. It is important to remember here an old Russian proverb, which indicates as best as possible what they say at the commemoration: "About the dead, or good, or nothing"
• In conclusion, they say condolences or standard, but still relevant commemorative words: "May the earth rest in peace to him", "Rest in peace" and so on.

In general, we note that the speech at the commemoration is different from the one that is delivered directly at the funeral. So, in the minute of parting, it is customary to speak very briefly. Here they mainly say words of condolences to the relatives of the deceased.

The memorial speech on the day of the funeral should in no case be a memorized text. A few words from a pure heart, imbued with sincere empathy, would be more appropriate. The loved ones of the deceased in the first days are not able to perceive reality. It is too hard for them from the grief that has befallen, so it is worth respecting their feelings.

Memorial words for 40 days, for an anniversary can be more intense. Here, the best things about the deceased are often remembered. But even after a while, one should not recall resentments, disagreements and quarrels. If you cannot overcome this in yourself, the most optimal would be to remain silent or confine yourself to a couple of standard phrases.

Memorial poems

It has already been indicated above that poetry at a funeral will be extremely inappropriate. A memorial speech for 40 days, 1 year may contain a small poetic inclusion. These can be the words of great poets or lines from the epitaph. Memorial verses for the anniversary of death contain more warm words that can be attributed to the personality of the deceased, less condolences and bitterness. Examples include:

When the parents leave
The light in the window fades forever.
The father's house is empty and may
I dream much more often.
* * *
We know you can't be brought back
To your affairs - everlasting memory,
And only your pure soul is with us,
You light up our path in life.

* * *
Sleep, my angel, calmly and sweetly.
Eternity will take you into its own hands.
You held on with dignity and steadfastness
Survived these hellish torments.
* * *
On this day, full of heartache,
We condole on your misfortune,
Unfortunately, our life is not eternal,
Every day we are getting closer to the line ...
Our condolences ... Spirit fortresses
We wish you at this moment,
May the earth be close to rest,
May the Almighty protect you from troubles.
* * *
When you left, the light faded,
And time suddenly stopped.
And they wanted to live together for centuries ...
Why did it all happen ?!
* * *
May your sleep be serene
No one will disturb forever
Nothing can break
Oblivion eternal peace.
* * *
Thank you, dear, that you were in the world!
Thank you for loving you.
For all those years that we lived together.
I ask you not to forget me.
* * *
We remember, dear, and we grieve
The wind blows in the heart of cold.
We love you forever
No one can replace you for us.
* * *
How we loved - only the Gods know.
How we suffered - only we knew.
After all, we went through all the hardships with you,
And we could not step over death ...
* * *
In this vicious circle - do not do it -
There will be no end and no beginning to be found.
Our role in this world is to come and go.
Who can tell us about the goal, about the meaning of the path?

* * *
There are, Lord, sins and atrocities
Above Thy mercy!
Slave / slave of the earth and vain desires
Forgive sins for the sorrows of him / her!

What was his life? - Heavy sleep.
What is death? - From dreams of terrible awakening.
He smiled asleep-
And again, maybe the dream began there.
* * *
You left - and immediately it started snowing.
May you be good there.
Let it cover the soft white blanket
A land where you are no longer ...
* * *
Not chasing meaningless glory
Keeping love in your heart,
He left, but managed to leave us
Eternal music light motive
* * *
This order is unshakable.
The course of times is known.
May it be quiet and sweet
Your serene dream!

Memorial poems are published in the newspaper as condolences. Words at the commemoration should not contain ambiguous phrases. The lines that are extremely clear and understandable to all those gathered will become the most appropriate and correct.

Funeral toasts

The funeral usually ends with a memorial dinner. While at such a table, you must follow the rules of mourning etiquette. It is not allowed to speak loudly, laugh. Do not interrupt the person making a speech at the commemoration. Often at the table, speech takes the form of a toast. The funeral toasts at the commemoration are significantly different from the usual ones. They do not contain a call for fun, but once again emphasize the bitterness and pain of loss.

Sitting in the next world, in Paradise, souls at the table, talking, drinking, pouring more. One knocked over his jug, and that one is empty. “Everyone,” he said, was forgotten on Earth. ” So let's drink so that the jugs of our departed loved ones are not empty!

Blessed memory of those who have left us, We will drink to this now. May in our hearts, like granite, Keep the memory of the loved ones of the departed. May all the good that happened to them, Do not bury a damp grave. How much memory we will keep, so much will they live with us.

Wake toasts can be pronounced in poetic form:

The philosopher knew - everything has its own time,
Fate cannot be fooled:
The poet has been lonely for centuries
The glorious one is finished ...

There is no water in the memorial cup!
Let's not grieve:
The midnight star will rise -
We will meet again!

Let it pour from righteous heights,
Until the days are up
The melody of your soul -
Why be sad about her?

Christian commemoration

One of the most widespread religions is Orthodoxy. Orthodox commemorations differ significantly from secular ones. So, for example, a speech at a commemoration for 40 days, 1 year is practically not pronounced. Christians gather at the table these days and make a joint prayer for the soul of the deceased. It is also customary these days to go to church and submit memorial notes, a sample of which can be seen in the church shop.