Social studies pros and cons of independence. What is independence and how to develop it in a teenager. Deserted around me

An independent person knows how to perform the necessary skills: if necessary, wash clothes, buy groceries and cook dinner for yourself. He also cleans up the apartment, takes out the trash and tries to keep things in their places.

Find a way to motivate your child to maintain order in their personal space. Offer your teen his or her household chores. He can take out the trash every morning, buy bread and milk in the store after school, and in the evening participate in the cooking process or start the laundry on his own.

Gradually expand the scope of his responsibilities. Have your teenager participate in the house cleaning process. His responsibility may be the whole cleaning, if the parents are very busy, or some specific process: vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the floor. He must take care of his neat appearance... In this case, it is advisable that he iron his clothes and clean his shoes in the morning.

Behavior in society

An independent person knows how to pay utility bills and will be able to call a foreman in case of emergency. In non-standard situations, an independent person will not be confused, but will actively look for a solution.

Ask your teen to pay utility bills sometimes. Create a home directory with emergency telephone numbers and acquaintances. Show your child all the phones and explain to whom he should call in emergency situations, or who of the acquaintances will give the necessary advice if you cannot get through.

Your goals

An independent person has his own views on life. He is not subject to other people's influence and clearly presents his immediate goals and plan of action. An adult finds the necessary information for the implementation of his plan and attracts others to help, if the situation requires it. He is motivated to achieve results.

Encourage your child to acquire new knowledge and skills. Help him create short-term plans and monitor the process of achieving them. Teach your teenager not to give up if something is not working out for him, but to look for other ways to achieve the goal.

Making decisions

An independent personality is characterized by the ability to take responsibility for one's own decisions. Such a person is able to adequately assess the situation and choose the most optimal solution for the given circumstances.

He is initially guided by his own point of view and only in difficult situations does he resort to outside help and advice. He understands how the social life of a person is arranged and is aware of the moral laws of society, has moral values ​​and knows how to communicate.

Teach your child competent communication and ethics of behavior. Show by example how important it is to keep your word and make your own decisions. Give the teenager some freedom of choice, where he himself must make the decision. For example, he can buy himself stationery for school, and later clothes. Respect the child's opinion and encourage him to be independent.

When a child enters adolescence, it is common for parents to worry about how to satisfy their need for independence and at the same time ensure their complete safety. It is difficult to find a middle ground in this matter, and fear of the well-being of a teenager often takes over. On the other hand, all parents want their child to become an independent adult in the future.

Teenager and independence

The teenager needs more independence than before. You will see this need even in his simple daily activities. At this difficult age, the child learns more about adult life and what responsibility is. Also at this time, he is most prone to unnecessary risk. Keeping a balance between independence and safety is a difficult task, because adolescents focus only on independence.

Love and support your teen

This is the most important thing you can do for him. At this age, children are often ashamed of the physical manifestations of parental love, especially in the presence of other people. But there are many other ways to show love and care:

• Be interested in your child's activities and friends.
• Show interest in his hobbies and interests.
• Be a good listener.
• Tell your child more often that you love him.
• Always consider your teen's opinion.
• Don't judge or judge.
• Don't make fun of him in front of other people.

By following these tips, you will make your child more confident and happier. In turn, he will become much more responsible.

Respect your teen's emotions and needs

A teenager is not yet an adult, but this does not mean that his opinion should not be taken into account. It is important to understand that in adolescence, emotions and psyche are not yet formed and are very chaotic. The teenager is often embarrassed, angry and worried. This is completely normal and a natural part of growing up. Your task is to show your child your respect and full support:

• Always show respect for your child by listening to what he has to tell you.
• As often as possible, give your child the opportunity to feel valuable, listen to his opinion.

This good way establish communication. He will feel loved and respected. And your communication will be more confidential.

Have a confidential conversation with your teen about personal matters.

The teenager needs some personal space. Any little thing may seem to him a violation of his personal boundaries. In adolescence, it is important for parents to establish a framework for the adolescent:

• A good way to show the child what is expected of him in the family is to establish family rules... It is important that you are honest and that you set the rules intelligently. For example, it is okay to require a teenager to return home at 9-10 pm, but demanding to be home by 7 o'clock is too strict.
• A teenager learns a lot about sex from friends, peers, and the Internet. This information is not always correct, so it is worth talking openly about this topic with your teenager. Speak confidently without hesitation. Understand that you are the main source of correct, verified information for him, so be open to communication. If you are uncomfortable talking about this topic, ask your spouse about it.
• Talk to your child about sex, but emphasize that you do not approve of sexual intercourse in early age... Tell your teenager about contraceptive methods, about the negative consequences early pregnancy and how to protect yourself from sexual abuse.
• Be sure to educate your teen about the dangers of drugs. If the child decisively wants to try alcohol, invite him to have a party at home with friends and allow him to drink a little alcohol. Make sure everyone at the party comes with their parent's permission.

Understand that a teenager is no longer a child.

• Many parents believe that a teenager is still a child, but not everyone around them agrees with this opinion. Tell your teen that the first step towards self-reliance is realizing that he is no longer a child. And do not expect people to be as lenient with him as they would with a small child.
• Tell your teen to behave like an adult if he wants people to take him seriously. Tell us how adults act in a given situation.

Teenager and responsibility for actions

• When a teenager takes responsibility for his actions and words, he becomes more independent. Explain to him that he always needs to be responsible for his actions. People willingly interact with responsible people who are able to defend a point of view.
• Tell your teen that it's okay to make mistakes as you grow up and learn. Teach him to admit his mistakes and enjoy the right decisions. Also teach to be as honest as possible and admit wrong decisions.

Show your teen how to earn the trust of others.

• If you want your teen to become independent, help him earn the trust of people. As soon as those around them see that the teenager can be trusted, they will give him the opportunity to make decisions on his own.
• Teach your child to adhere to the established rules, always inform the parents where he is, listen to the elders.

Household responsibilities are an integral part of being independent

• Self-reliance means not only freedom, but also things like duties and responsibilities. Tell your teen that he is old enough to do at least basic household chores. Let him help you as much as possible and do some things.
• When doing household chores, a teenager may ask you for help, but he must take the initiative. He is old enough to cook dinner for the whole family, take care of plants, buy groceries.

Teach your teen to cook

• The skill of cooking various dishes is useful not only for girls. If a teenager learns to cook, he will become more independent and less dependent on others.
• Together with your child, find interesting recipes on the Internet and cook them at home. You can organize days of foreign cuisine and try original dishes, and at the same time learn more about the culture and customs of other countries.

Teach your child to prioritize life correctly

• Having gained independence, the child must learn to distinguish the main from the secondary, and also to correctly prioritize. Explain to your child that there are things to focus on and things to be done in your free time.
• The teenager should understand that some things may seem urgent, but they can be postponed. And vice versa: he may put off important things because they seem too complicated.
• Help your teen make a to-do list for the day. Invite him to arrange the cases in order of importance, starting with the most urgent. Tell me where he is wrongly prioritizing.

Teach your child to take care of their own safety

• As a teenager becomes more independent, parents often fear for their safety. Give the teenager to the self-defense section. When he knows how to protect himself in dangerous situations, he will not be so afraid to show independence.
• Explain to your child that it is always necessary to take care of their own safety, no matter how confident they are in their abilities. Do not walk in dangerous places or go for a walk with people with whom he does not feel safe.
• Teach your teenager not to enter an elevator with strangers or go to parties with strangers.

A teenager should know who to contact in a situation of danger.

• The child must memorize the phone numbers that he can call in dangerous situations or when he needs help.
• The teenager should know the address of the nearest police station and hospital and how to get there quickly if necessary.

Adolescence is a transition to a new level from childhood to adulthood. For boys and girls aged 12-14 and early adolescence (15-17 years), this is also a transitional period: girls begin their first menstruation, boys have hair on their face and body, and the first emissions. In the process of puberty, there is a change in appearance, functions of the endocrine glands, acceleration of physical development, hormonal changes in the body. Irritability, rudeness, resentment appear. Mood and behavior change.

At this difficult age, a teenager has conflicts in communication with parents, teachers, peers. Adolescence is not the most pleasant period of life for the children themselves and their parents.

Transitional period - personal development

In the period of maturation, differences of opposite sexes begin to appear. At this age, children are interested in each other, trying to find contact. But failing to provide attention, young people acquire internal and external complexes that prevent them from living. They begin to look closely at other people's experience.

Internal complexes give rise to self-doubt, external ones are manifested in aggression and rudeness towards the other sex. In one person, both types of complex can manifest themselves. In adulthood, violent physiology affects the mind and senses. A little sympathy is mistaken for love, and failure for great misfortune.

In adolescence, personality development occurs, a reassessment of one's “I”. The development of thinking, interaction with each other depends on the personal qualities of boys and girls.

Character, intelligence, temperament, level of activity, emotionality, aggressiveness play an important role. Young people have goals that are important for personal development and self-awareness as an adult. They are interested in study, sports, art.



The need for communication

A teenager-child seeks to communicate, at this age he finds himself in friends. Spends a lot of free time on the street, in a group of like-minded peers where there is a leader. The teenager is trying to stand out with something, to draw attention to himself, to earn the respect of his comrades. He strives to be like someone older than himself, feels relief when he finds out that someone likes the same book, music, film.

Often in a group they adhere to a certain style in clothing, hairstyle, and communication. Views on life change, exciting questions arise, you won't go to your parents with them. Therefore, children are looking for friends with whom they can talk about everything. Parental authority declines, communication with peers becomes much more important. Here they receive the missing knowledge about life.

It is these groups that influence the personality of the child. It's good when the group is good, friendly relations, which contributes to the development of the teenager. And if a bad company, where teenagers are addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, and foul language, it becomes the main source of upbringing problems, creates difficulties with learning.

In the psychology of adolescence, there is increased criticism of their own shortcomings, the search for ways to eliminate them. Changes in the psyche and physiology affect his behavior, which is often unpredictable. The desire to achieve the goal can be replaced by a thoughtless decision, and self-confidence - by low self-esteem. The child has his own position, his own views, tastes, behavioral assessments. Strives for independence, rejecting help and control.



Advantages of adolescence

• Independence.
• Striving for independence from parents.
• Awareness of your personality.
• Responsibility is personal, in a team.
• Formation of consciousness.
• Show interest in spheres of life (political, social)
• Acquisition of communication skills (contacts with comrades)
• Formation of self-esteem (the ability to evaluate oneself, strengths and weaknesses)
• Carefree life (few responsibilities in the family, only study)
• They are not responsible for mistakes (parents come to the rescue)
• They achieve success, but only recognize their personal contribution, their "I"
• A lot of free time (there is an opportunity to improve)

Cons of adolescence

• Dissatisfaction with their appearance, figure (rashes appear on the skin, in boys the proportions of the body change - the shoulders increase), in girls - overweight.
• Desire to be like a leader in a group (when communicating with peers)
• Avoid communicating with parents (due to misunderstanding of the choice of friends, clothing style, music, slang)
• Unstable psyche (change of mood, irritation, storm of emotions, rudeness)
• Decreased interest in the educational process.
• The desire to take on the responsibilities of adults, but do not fulfill them.



How can parents help their teenager?

Children often come into conflict with parents and adults, although there are no obvious reasons for a quarrel. Rash actions, mood swings are caused by hormonal changes.

The child, for a number of reasons, does not agree with his parents, who impose excessive demands on him, excessive severity, and restrictions. They do not see in a teenager a growing person, with their views, feelings, thoughts.

Tense relationships force him to retire, either in his room or with friends outside the home. Parents should support the teenager in difficult moments, show patience, attention, be interested in his successes and failures. Sports activities will help to relieve negative emotions: swimming, dancing, rollerblading, snowboarding.

If the atmosphere in the family is heating up, and the child is not interested in everything, it is necessary to consult a psychologist. The task of adults, parents, teachers is to help a teenager go through this difficult life stage, overcome obstacles, and become a worthy person.

In order for a teenager to try everything he can, to do himself and get pleasure from it in the future, you need to use the correct methods of upbringing:

· First, help the teenager develop the skills to set a goal.

· It is necessary to organize such a business (affairs) that will allow the child to achieve at least a little success, which will add faith in his strength, increase them.

· Parents need to teach their teenager to make their own choices and take responsibility for themselves.

Any actions of both teachers and parents, which are perceived by adolescents as control, are sharply rejected and cause violent emotional reactions.

For example, the Donetsk mathematics teacher Viktor Fedorovich Shatalov, in order for the guys, even the most lagging in mathematics, to achieve their first success, began to ask home not one, not two, not three problems, as usual, but ... a hundred! One hundred tasks at once! It turned out that this is not the hardest, but the easiest lesson. The teacher, of course, did not demand the solution of all hundred problems.

"Not, – he said – choose the problem yourself according to the strength and solve it. At least one. You can find one problem out of a hundred, but when you solve it on your own, strength and experience are added. " This is how the ability to solve more difficult problems gradually develops.

Parents can act on the example of this teacher, proposing many vital tasks, from which the teenager will choose those that are within his power, increasing his baggage of experience, resources in which he himself will believe. To such a teenager, the world around him seems bright, multifaceted. And someday just such caring parents, he will say thank you.

Why does a child become dependent on their parents? Mainly because he gets used to the fact that his parents decide and do everything for him. This reduces his sense of his own competence and forms dependence on the opinions and prompts of others. The child grows older, but at the same time continues to think that he is unable to do or decide anything without the help of adults.

REMINDER FOR PARENTS
Fostering independence in adolescents

· Teach your child to be independent in performing household chores (let him help you with the housework, gradually he will have his personal responsibility, for which only he is responsible).

· Give the child the opportunity to take care of himself.

· Requirements for a son or daughter should be adequate for his age.

· As often as possible involve the child in the discussion of general plans, listen and take into account his opinion.

· “Do not stand above your soul” for a son or daughter (a child, accustomed to the fact that his every action is controlled by adults, will never learn to work independently).

· Encourage him to ask questions, but do not chew on his assignments.

· Determine the individual characteristics of the child by observing the style of his work: how quickly he gets tired of monotonous activities, whether he easily joins in a new task or “sways" for a long time, what kind of activity is easier for him.

· If you say that you will do something, then do it without fail. Otherwise, the child will get used to "ignoring" your warnings (if you say that on the weekend he is punished, and you do not let him go somewhere, keep this promise).

Thus, adolescence is a continuation of the formation of the thinking of an independent and autonomous person.

Your child is already a teenager and it is not possible to raise him like a toddler.

In cases where there is a strong lag in the development of independence, the teenager will need the help of a psychologist.

Remember: the main helpers of parents in difficult situations are patience, attention and understanding.

Literature

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6. Stolyarenko, A. M. Psychology and pedagogy]: textbook for universities. M .: UNITI-DANA, 2001.423 p.