The positive and negative role of the family in raising a child. Principles of upbringing in a family Types of family relationships

Aleksey ENIN, Candidate of Pedagogy, talks about the possibilities of provocative pedagogy

One of the typical pedagogical mistakes is an attempt to educate children exclusively on positive examples and socially approved actions. At first glance, there is nothing dangerous in this, since such a practice orients the child to imitate certain positive models. What is wrong if the child begins to identify with the ideal image offered to him? But not everything is so simple ...

Where do negative qualities "disappear"?

The problem is that in addition to positive traits, each of us also has negative qualities that cause corresponding desires and stimulate certain behavior. And the reaction of adults, including teachers, often comes down to prohibitions and moralizing. As a result, many children have a conflict between an idealized self-image and real aspirations. The consequences of such a conflict are: a decrease in self-esteem, internal confusion, increased irritability and other negative experiences. In the longer term, this can lead to problems in the development of the child, for example, in the development of the emotional sphere. It also happens that a child rejects a positive model of behavior and turns to other asocial or even criminal models. In general, the loss of connection with the negative part of yourself is fraught with very unpleasant consequences. How to be? Here provocative pedagogy comes to the aid of the teacher.

Do I need to move the border of what is permissible?

At the heart of provocative pedagogy is a challenge to the pupil, prompting him to take certain actions in the direction of his own development. Often this challenge is associated with a proposal to do something that goes beyond the stereotypes of what is acceptable and forbidden, right and false, encouraged and punishable. That is, children are allowed and offered what, according to the logic of things, should not be encouraged by adults. Standard norms and boundaries seem to shift, and the child is given the opportunity to decide for himself how far he should go in following the new "anti-pedagogical" attitudes and principles. In extracurricular work, for this purpose, the technique of role-playing or imitation games can be used. For example, the game "The Day of Nasty", in which children are allowed to do "dirty tricks" to each other, or "Day of Laziness", where the children have only one duty - "doing nothing". As a rule, living such a “negative experience” causes a reverse reaction in children: a desire to act contrary to the “negative” instructions of adults. This effect, in fact, is the basis of the calculation in provocative pedagogy. Agree, it's one thing when moral norms of behavior are introduced by adults, and quite another when children come to them themselves. In the latter case, ideal positive traits cease to be perceived by the child as imposed from the outside; there is an awareness of their necessity, and the person himself begins to feel real freedom and responsibility.
In addition, the methods of provocative teachers allow children, as they say, to “let off steam”, to realize some of their negative desires in a “soft” and safe form for others.
But that's not all. In culture, provocativeness acts as one of the mechanisms for "generating uncertainty." That is, such a loosening of cultural and personal stereotypes, which leads to change, renewal, and development of both individuals and society as a whole. How does this “loosening” manifest itself in the practice of provocative pedagogy? For example, a child's attitude towards certain things changes, he begins to understand that some qualities that he previously considered negative should not be assessed so unambiguously. That it is possible to find ways to turn the potential of “negative” desires and interests “into positive”. Thus, provocative methods release latent energy in the child, activating and strengthening the resources of his self-development. And at the same time they help to integrate the positive and “negative” aspects of the personality into a holistic, adequate and positive self-image.
As you can see, provocative pedagogy has enormous potential, which is worth using. But!..

Maybe it's better to abstain? ..

In conclusion, it is necessary to say about the limitations in the application of the methods of provocative pedagogy. First of all, it should be noted that provocative methods are a double-edged tool. Illiterate handling of it can lead to the exact opposite effect.
Therefore, these methods can only be used by those teachers who are familiar with the basics of psychology and have the skills to apply game techniques. In this case, the teacher should be guided by the principle of openness in communication with children, as well as the principle of "pedagogical participation". That is, the teacher himself must participate in the games, setting a certain “style” of going beyond the boundaries of the usual norms.
And of course, the degree of trust that has been established between the teacher and other participants in the game process is of paramount importance. It is also important to understand that some children feel extremely uncomfortable with provocative influences. Therefore, participation in this kind of games should be purely voluntary - only at the request of the child.

Prepared by Anatoly VITKOVSKY

Representing the starting points that underlie parenting, the principles prescribe the consistency and consistency of adults under different conditions and circumstances. The principles of upbringing stem from the goal of upbringing, are determined by the nature of upbringing as social phenomenon... If the goal of upbringing by adults is perceived as certain heights to which they want to bring their children, then the principles establish the possibilities of realizing what is planned in specific socio-psychological conditions. Thus, the principles of education are practical recommendations that should be followed always and everywhere, which will help to build pedagogically competently the tactics of educational activity.

In recent years, in connection with the democratic transformations in society, the principles of education have been revised, some of them are filled with new content. For example, the principle of subordination "recedes", according to which the world of childhood was not an independent unique phenomenon, but a kind of "warehouse of blanks" for adult life(A.B. Orlov). The principle of monologism, according to which adults “soloed” in the educational process, and children respectfully listened, gives way to the principle of dialogism, which means that adults and children are equal subjects of education. Consequently, parents (and professional educators) need to learn to communicate with their child on an equal footing, and not look down on him condescendingly.

To the most important principles of modern family education include the following.

The principle of purposefulness. Upbringing as a pedagogical phenomenon is characterized by the presence of a socio-cultural reference point, which is both the ideal of upbringing activity and its intended result. To a large extent, the modern family is guided by objective goals, which are formulated in each country as the main component of its pedagogical policy. In recent years, the enduring universal human values ​​set forth in the Declaration of Human Rights, the Declaration of the Rights of the Child, and the Constitution of the Russian Federation have been the objective goals of upbringing. Naturally, not every family, thinking about the goal of raising a child, operates with such scientific pedagogical concepts as "all-round harmonious development of the personality." But any mother, hugging a newborn child to her, wishes him health, dreams that he would grow up a good person, live in harmony with himself and the world around him, and be happy. And what are these if not universal human values?

The subjective coloring of the goals of home education is given by the ideas of a particular family about how they want to raise their children. This takes into account the real and imaginary abilities of the child, his other individual characteristics. Sometimes parents, noting in their education, life in general, any miscalculations, gaps, want to educate the child differently than it was done in relation to themselves, and see the purpose of education in developing in the child certain properties, abilities that failed to realize in my own life. For the purpose of education, the family also takes into account the ethnic, cultural, religious traditions that it follows.

The bearers of the objective goals of upbringing are the social institutions of upbringing, with which the family is somehow connected. So, many families, based on the interests of the child, take into account the goals and objectives of the educational work of a modern kindergarten, school, which ensures a certain continuity in educational activities. Contradictions for the purpose of education between family members, between the family and the kindergarten (school) negatively affect the neuropsychic and general development of the child, disorganize him. Determining the purpose of upbringing in a particular family is often difficult due to the fact that parents do not always have an idea of ​​the gender and age characteristics of the child, the tendencies of its development, and the nature of upbringing as such. Therefore, the functions of professional teachers include helping the family in specifying the goal of education.

Scientific principle. V for centuries, home education was based on everyday ideas, common sense, traditions and customs, passed down from generation to generation. However, in the last century, pedagogy, like all human sciences, has advanced far ahead. A lot of scientific data has been obtained about the laws of the child's development, about the construction of the educational process. Parents' understanding of the scientific foundations of upbringing helps them to achieve better results in the development of their own children. A number of studies (T.A. Markova, L.V. Zagik and others) revealed that mistakes and miscalculations in family education are associated with a lack of understanding by parents of the basics of pedagogy and psychology. So, ignorance of the age characteristics of children leads to the use of random methods and means of education. The unwillingness and inability of adults to create a favorable psychological climate- the cause of childhood neuroses (A.I. Zakharov), deviant behavior of adolescents (M.I.Buyanov, T.A. Dragunova). Meanwhile, the idea that raising children is a simple matter and that everyone can succeed in it is still quite tenacious. It is known that K.D. Ushinsky, but even today some parents consider themselves to be quite competent educators and therefore do not feel the need to consult with specialists, to get acquainted with psychological and pedagogical literature. A different position, as evidenced by sociological research, is taken by educated young parents. They show interest in special knowledge on the problem of upbringing and development of children, strive to improve their pedagogical culture.

The principle of humanism, respect for the personality of the child. The essence of this principle is that parents should take the child for granted, as he is with all the features, specific traits, tastes, habits, regardless of any external standards, norms, parameters and assessments. The child came into the world not of his own will and will: the parents are "to blame" for this, so you should not complain that the baby has not met their expectations in some way, and caring for him "eats up" a lot of time, requires self-restraint, patience , excerpts, etc. Parents "rewarded" the child with a certain appearance, natural inclinations, peculiarities of temperament, surrounded by a material environment, use certain means in education, on which the process of forming character traits, habits, feelings, attitude to the world and much more in the development of the baby depends. Yes, the child does not always respond to those ideal ideas about him that have developed in the minds of his parents. But it is necessary to recognize the originality, uniqueness and value of the child's personality at the moment of his development. And this means accepting his individual originality and the right to express his “I” at the level of development that he has achieved with the help of his parents. Parents tend to see "gaps" in the development of the child when compared with any sample. Most often this is a peer in a family of friends, relatives: “Liza is younger than Sasha, but she is very good at a knife and a fork. And our son prefers to eat with a spoon, and even puts his fingers into the plate. " Let's leave "behind the scenes" finding out the reasons for the non-compliance of Sasha's behavior with the requirements table etiquette, we will only note that, of course, it is necessary to correct such "features" of the child's behavior, but this should be done gradually, and not "here and now", and not so much by requirements for the child's behavior, as by restructuring his own educational tactics: otherwise the requirements "will hang " in the air.

Let us recall the pedagogical rules arising from the principle of humanity: avoid comparing a child with someone else (with parents, peers, literary heroes, great people); not to impose "head-on" examples of behavior, activity; not to call to be similar to this or that standard, pattern of behavior. On the contrary, it is important to teach the child to be himself. And in order to move forward (this is the essence of development), you need to look back and compare yourself "today" with yourself "yesterday": "Today you coped with this better than yesterday, and tomorrow you will be able to do even better." Such a line of upbringing, in which the optimism of adults, faith in the child's capabilities is manifested, orients him to the completely achievable goal of his own improvement, reduces the number of external and internal conflicts and helps to strengthen the mental and physical health child.

The upbringing of a child who has any external features or physical disabilities that are noticeable enough, causing curious reactions from the people around them (cleft lip, pronounced dark spots, deformation of the auricles, deformities, etc.). Under the influence of tactless behavior of close ones and especially often strangers, a child may form an idea of ​​his inferiority, which will negatively affect his development. To prevent this (or at least mitigate), parents must come to terms with the fact that the child has this or that feature that cannot be completely overcome. Next, one should gradually, but firmly, teach the child to understand that he is doomed to live with such a disadvantage and that he must be calmly treated. Of course, this is very difficult to do, because in kindergarten, school, on the street, curious looks, remarks, laughter and other manifestations of mental rudeness of children, adults, even professional teachers are possible. The task of the parents is to teach the child not to react painfully to such behavior of the people around him, to convince him that the attitude towards him will change when children and adults find out how good, kind, cheerful, skillful he is, etc. It is equally important to identify and develop in every possible way in a child those inclinations, dignities that he potentially possesses, for example, the ability to sing, expressively read poetry, invent fairy tales, draw, bring up kindness, a cheerful disposition in him, and temper him physically. Any "highlight" in the child's personality will attract others to him, and it will help him to relate more calmly to his other shortcomings.

For the curious

Psychologists have identified the special role of family history for the mental development of children. It turns out that people who are in childhood have heard such legends from father and mother, grandparents, better comprehend the psychological relationships in their environment, easier to navigate in difficult situations. And for those who tell their son or grandson an episode from the past, it is also useful to do this: memories balance the psyche and cause such scarce positive emotions. Children love to be told the same stories, although they may not always be asked to. Even as adults, they recall with pleasure how grandfather was butted by a kid, how grandmother, while attending school, never learned to ride a two-wheeled bicycle, how dad fell from an apple tree, and mom could not play well a piece of music at her first concert in the nursery. garden, etc. According to psychologists, the memories of older relatives about failures are especially important for children's development: they add confidence in their abilities to children. Since relatives and loved ones did not succeed in everything at once, you should not be too upset with your mistakes. Scientists recommend telling children more often stories from their own lives, including about the period when the listeners were small and only mastered the world around them, overcame difficulties, and made mistakes. This helps children feel their growth, be proud of their achievements, and strive for further growth.

The principle of humanity regulates the relationship between adults and children and assumes that these relationships are built on trust, mutual respect, cooperation, love, goodwill. At one time, Janusz Korczak expressed the idea that adults care about their own rights and are indignant when someone encroaches on them. But they must respect the rights of the child, such as the right to know and not know, the right to fail and cry, and the right to property. In a word, the child's right to be what he is is his right to this hour and today.

Unfortunately, parents have a fairly common position in relation to the child - “become what I want”. And although this is done with good intentions, but in essence it is a disregard for the personality of the child, when in the name of the future his will breaks down, the initiative is extinguished. For example, they constantly rush a slow child (“how are you going to do at school?”), Prohibit communicating with a friend (“he is from a bad family”), force him to eat an unloved dish (“everything in life will have to be eaten, not by choice”) and etc. It is very important to realize that the child is not the property of the parents, no one gave them the right to decide his fate for him, all the more so at his own discretion to break his life. Parents are obliged to love, understand, respect the child, create conditions for the development of his abilities, interests, help in choosing a life path. In this regard, it is useful to follow the precepts of the humanist teacher V.A. Sukhomlinsky, urging adults to feel childhood in themselves, to treat the child's misdeeds wisely, to believe that he is mistaken, and does not violate with intent, to protect him, not to think badly of him, not to break the children's initiative, but to correct and guide it, remembering that the child is in a state of self-knowledge, self-affirmation, self-education.

The principle of planning, consistency, continuity. According to this principle, home education should be developed in accordance with the set goal. It is assumed that the pedagogical influence on the child is gradual, and the consistency and planning of upbringing are manifested not only in the content, but also in the means, methods, techniques that respond to age characteristics and the individual capabilities of children. For example, in order to switch a young child from one type of activity to another, the method of distraction is successful; in raising children of 5-6 years old he will no longer "play", explanation, conviction, and personal example are appropriate here. Upbringing is a long process, the results of which do not "germinate" immediately, often long after. However, it is indisputable that they are the more real, the more systematically and consistently the upbringing of the child is carried out.

The consistency and orderliness of the educational activities of adults give little child a feeling of strength, confidence, and this is the basis of personality formation. If close people behave with a child in certain situations in a similar way, equally exactly in relation to him, then the world around him becomes clearer, more predictable. It becomes clear to the child what is wanted from him, what can be done and what is not allowed. Thanks to this, he begins to realize the boundaries of his freedom, which means that he will not cross the line where the lack of freedom of others begins. For example, he will not demand to be dressed for a walk if all family members teach him to be independent from day to day. instill the necessary skills for this, approve of diligence and achievement. Consistency in parenting is usually associated with strictness, but they are not the same thing. With strict upbringing, the cornerstone is placed on the child's submission to the requirements of adults, their will, i.e. a child is an object of manipulation by adults. Adults, consistently raising a child, contribute to the development of not only the operational side of his activity, but also the organizational one (how to act better, what decision to make, what needs to be prepared, etc.). In other words, with consistent upbringing, the child's subjectivity and responsibility for his behavior and activities increase.

Unfortunately, parents, especially young ones, are impatient, often not realizing that in order to form a particular quality or a child's properties, it is necessary to influence him repeatedly and in a variety of ways, they want to see the “product” of their activity “here and now”. It is not always in the family that they understand that the child is raised not only and not so much by words, but by the whole environment of his home, its atmosphere, which we talked about above. So, the child is told about neatness, demands are made on order in his clothes, in toys, but at the same time he sees from day to day how dad carelessly stores his shaving accessories, that mom does not broadcast a dress in the closet, but throws it on the back of a chair. .. Thus, the so-called "double" morality operates in the upbringing of a child: he is required to do what is optional for other family members. In this case, given that for a small child, a direct stimulus (a kind of disorder in the house) is always more relevant than a verbal one (“put everything in place!”), One should not count on success in upbringing. Disorganize the child, the educational "attacks" of adults have a harmful effect on his psyche. For example, a grandmother who came to visit her children seeks to make up in a short time everything that has been missed, from her point of view, in raising her grandson. Or dad, after a parent-teacher meeting in kindergarten (reading popular psychological and pedagogical literature), begins to intensively develop the logical thinking of his five-year-old son, giving him tasks, teaching him to play chess, involving him in solving puzzles. In itself, such work deserves a positive assessment, if it does not "result" in a short-term massive impact on the child.

The principle of complexity and systematicity. The essence of the principle is that the family carries out a multifaceted influence on the personality through a system of goals, content, means and methods of upbringing, while taking into account all factors and aspects of the pedagogical process. It is known that modern child grows in a diverse social, natural, cultural environment that is not limited to the family. From an early age, the child listens to the radio, watches TV, goes for a walk, where he communicates with people of different age and sex, etc. All this environment to one degree or another affects the development of the child, i.e. becomes a factor in education. The multifactorial nature of upbringing has its positive and negative sides. Our children watch TV and learn a lot of interesting and new things, enrich their minds and feelings, but under the influence of the same TV, pictures of murder, death, cruelty, vulgarity, etc. have become familiar to them, television advertising “littered” the children's dictionary with speech stamps , dubious neologisms. Is it possible to enhance the developing influence of some factors of upbringing and reduce the destructive influence of others? Yes, it is possible, but the priority in this belongs to the family, since it has the ability to exclude the influence of some factors (allow, for example, a child to watch only children's programs on TV), give a proper interpretation to others (explain, for example, why certain expressions should not be used , even more so - profanity), change the content of the third (for example, dad went out into the yard and organized the boys' game of hockey, football, thereby switching the attention and activities of children from ordinary "parties" to something valuable for development).

Scientific pedagogy conditionally differentiates the integral process of personality formation into separate types of education (moral, labor, mental, aesthetic, physical, legal, sexual, etc.). However, the personality is not brought up in parts, therefore, in the real pedagogical process, the child masters knowledge, they affect his feelings, stimulate activities, actions, i.e. diversified development is carried out. According to scientific data, the family, in comparison with public institutions of upbringing, has special opportunities to develop children morally, to involve them in work, to introduce them into the world of culture, and to help their sexual identification. Undoubtedly, the foundations of the child's health are laid in the family, his intellect is initially developed, and the aesthetic perception of the world around him is formed. But, unfortunately, not all parents understand the need for the versatile development of the child and are often limited to any particular tasks of upbringing. For example, they direct all their efforts towards physical or aesthetic education child (take care of good nutrition, optimal motor regime, introduce them to sports, organize music lessons, visit an art studio). Nowadays, many families are preoccupied with the early education of children, therefore, the main focus is on their mental development. At the same time, due attention is not paid to labor education. There is a tendency to “free” the child of the first years of life from responsibilities and assignments, and they are so necessary for his full development, especially since it has been proven that preschool age is the most favorable for fostering interest in work, the desire to work, the formation of work skills, habits (R. S. Bure, G.N. Godin, V.G. Nechaeva, D.V. Sergeeva).

The principle of consistency in education. One of the features of the upbringing of a modern child is that it is carried out by different persons: family members, professional teachers of educational institutions (kindergarten, school, art studio, sports section, etc.). None of the educators of a small child, whether they are relatives or kindergarten teachers, can educate him in isolation from each other: it is necessary to agree on the goals, content of educational activities, means and methods of its implementation. Otherwise, it will turn out, as in the famous fable of I.A. Krylova "Swan, Cancer and Pike". The slightest disagreement in the upbringing of a child puts him in a very difficult situation, to get out of which will require significant neuropsychic costs. For example, grandmother cleans up toys for her grandson herself, and dad demands that the boy do it himself; Mom believes that a five-year-old child should be taught pure sound pronunciation, and grandfather has his own opinion on this matter: with age, everything will work out by itself. The inconsistency of the requirements and approaches to upbringing leads the child into confusion, the feeling of confidence and reliability is lost.

Building the process of home education in accordance with the principles discussed will allow parents to competently manage the cognitive, labor, artistic, physical culture and any other activities of children, therefore, effectively contribute to their development.

Educational science claims that it is up to the parents and their parenting style to determine how their child grows up. His behavior, attitude to the world around him and society, his formation as a person mainly depends on the situation in the family. In this case, we will consider one style - this is an authoritarian upbringing. How does it affect the formation of the child's personality and what results it leads to.

Definition of the term

Authoritarian education - actions aimed at the complete and unquestioning subordination of the pupil (child, pupil, student) to the educator (parent, nanny, teacher, etc.). This style has both pros and cons.

The concept comes from the Latin word auctoritas - authority, respect, power or influence. The current originated in ancient times.

That is, authoritarian education is a method of influence with the help of which an adult completely subjugates a child to himself. He develops lack of initiative in him, suppresses his independence, prevents the expression of individuality.

Authoritarian parenting theory

This style means complete dictatorship. The child is kept under very strict control, so to speak, "with an iron grip", prohibiting almost everything that can bring him joy.

If you imagine that in this style of authoritarian education there is no carrot at all, only a stick. In fact, the only thing that parents take is punishment, which the child is terribly afraid of.

This method has always caused heated debate among pedagogical leaders, dividing scientists into two camps. In the first, they proved that this brings positive results, developing obedience, integrity and organization in the offspring. The latter, on the contrary, spoke out categorically against the authoritarian type of upbringing, explaining this by the fact that such children grow up with certain mental deviations and a completely suppressed will.

So what are the really positive and negative aspects of this method?

The advantages of such upbringing

Of course, the first positive result of this style will be discipline and responsibility for their actions. Such children grow up obedient. So to speak, robots who have been given a command, and they carry it out without any wrangling.

The second plus is expressed in the fact that such children at a very early age will not seek solutions for any reason, which will not allow a nervous breakdown to occur.

Cons of authoritarian parenting

The disadvantages of this method are that:

1. The baby develops complexes - these are low self-esteem, cowardice, inactivity and insecurity.
2. The personality of the child practically does not develop. He automatically obeys the orders and advice of his parents, even as an adult. And sometimes he does not notice at all that these actions are contrary to his own desires.
3. A huge inferiority complex develops. The psyche of a child suffers if he is constantly afraid of punishment.
4. An important factor is considered that at a more mature age he can simply break loose and go all bad, making up for everything that was forbidden to him.

Positive result

And now you can consider what the child will eventually become, who received an authoritarian family upbringing.

At best, a person will grow up like that.

1. Timid, calm, very obedient.
2. Without thinking about the consequences, he will fulfill any wish emanating from his parents or those who are older than him.
3. He will try to study very well, and possibly graduate with honors.
4. He can become a good employee who always and on time fulfills the task assigned to him.
5. From a male point of view, girls raised in this way make good wives.

Negative result

1. A despot who will project his difficult childhood onto those around him.
2. In adulthood, the child will lose respect for his parents. In its place will come hatred and their reduced authority.
3. The person will become aggressive, cynical and conflictual. All problems will be solved by force.
4. It will be practically unrealistic to find a job under someone's leadership and in a team, since he will enter into disputes with everyone.
5. All his life he will fight for something, against something and with someone. The main goal will be to fight.

Parental behavior

If we talk in simple words, then the behavior of the parents can be divided into 2 options:

1. I said so, so it will be so.
2. I am a parent, I am an adult, so I am right.

That is, parents do not compromise, forcing the child to fulfill their requirements inside and out. Their frequent phrases are: "you must", "you are an idiot", "you are obliged", "you are lazy, stupid, fool", etc.

As a rule, such parents punish the child for every offense, most often resorting to physical punishment. Any manifestation of Desire and requests are not heard and are completely ignored.

Real examples

The most striking example of a child who received an authoritarian upbringing is Adolf Hitler himself. His father, having retired from the customs service, left unflattering reviews about himself, he is characterized as a very conflicted and arrogant person.

His tyrannical inclinations forced his eldest son, Hitler's brother, to run away from home. Adolf himself graduated with honors from school in Lambach.

After the flight of his son, Adolf's father began to drill him, which led Hitler to the same thoughts about escape as his brother, but he did not do it.

However, he directed his rage and wrestling traits to form himself as a leader. Already at school, he was very different from his classmates, which can be seen even from photographs. And, as one of them said, Hitler was a calm fanatic.

The tyrannical method of upbringing affected the further fate of the German teenager, who later became one of the brightest dictators in the world, who killed millions of human lives.

Another boy who was brought up in this mode was again a German. It was Hans Müller. Despite the fact that he was the only child in the family, his parents kept him in strict discipline. Any violation of the rules was punished physically.

On orders from his parents, Hans joined the armed forces of Nazi Germany and the National Socialist Party. At the age of 25, he was admitted to a special unit that was responsible for guarding the Death's Head concentration camps.

When the Soviet army liberated Auschwitz, they got their hands on all the documentation, which described in detail all the atrocities and horrors that G. Müller did with the prisoners.

Final conclusions

The method of such upbringing can lead to irreversible, harmful consequences for the child. The violence and pressure that parents put on their child may forever deprive them of a quiet old age. And, unfortunately, there will be no one to serve a mug of water.

Therefore, when choosing how to raise a child, it is worth maintaining balance and equally often praising and fostering discipline in him. The kid should feel the support and love of his parents, then only he will become a successful and kind person.

MBDOU CRR Kindergarten №45 "Rostok"

Completed by: educator Ryabtseva Oksana Sergeevna p. Nakhabino 2015

For the formation of a full-fledged member of society, capable of regulating his emotional life, for the development of an adequate self-esteem, a loving and understanding adult must always be with the child. It is obvious that such close, and most importantly, constant contact is possible only in the family.

Child development, socialization, transformation into "Public person" begins with communication with people close to him.

All further development of the child depends on what place he occupies in the system of human relations, in the system of communication. A smile, like a nod of the head, a word, a gesture or an arrogant glance, a cry - replace the sensations of some contacts. Lack of emotional contact always negatively affects the personality of the child. Parents' inattention to the child's feelings and needs hinders his healthy development.

In the first sensations from positive or negative contacts, children begin to catch messages about themselves, about their value. The first feelings of children for themselves remain the most powerful force in their personal development, significantly influencing the psychological positions that children take, the roles they play. Lack of emotional communication deprives the child of the opportunity to independently navigate the nature of the emotional relationships of others and can lead to fear of communication.

The family is traditionally the main educational institution. What the child acquires in the family in childhood, he retains throughout his subsequent life. The importance of the family as an institution of upbringing is due to the fact that the child is in it for a significant part of his life, and in terms of the duration of its impact on the personality, none of the institutions of upbringing can compare with the family. It lays the foundations of the child's personality, and by the time he enters school he has already more than half formed as a person.

The family can act as both a positive and a negative factor in upbringing. The positive effect on the personality of the child is that no one, except for the people closest to him in the family - mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister, treats the child better, does not love him and does not care so much about him. And at the same time, no other social institution can potentially do as much harm in raising children as a family can do.

The family is a special kind of collective that plays a basic, long-term and most important role in upbringing. Anxious mothers often have anxious children; ambitious parents often suppress their children in such a way that this leads to the appearance of an inferiority complex in them; an unrestrained father who loses his temper for the slightest reason, often, without knowing it, forms a similar type of behavior in his children, etc.

In connection with the special educational role of the family, the question arises of how to do so in order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influences of the family on the upbringing of the child. For this, it is necessary to accurately determine the intrafamilial socio-psychological factors that have educational value.

The main thing in the upbringing of a little person is the achievement of spiritual unity, a moral connection between parents and a child. In no case should parents let the upbringing process take its course even at an older age, leaving the grown-up child alone with himself.

It is in the family that the child receives the first life experience, makes the first observations and learns how to behave in various situations. It is very important that what we teach a child is supported by concrete examples, so that he sees that in adults, theory does not diverge from practice. (If your child sees that his mom and dad, who every day tell him that it is not good to lie, without noticing it, are deviating from this rule, all education can go down the drain.)

Each of the parents sees in their children their continuation, the realization of certain attitudes or ideals. And it is very difficult to deviate from them.

A conflict situation between parents - different approaches to raising children.

The first task of parents is to find a common solution, to convince each other. If a compromise has to be made, it is imperative that the basic requirements of the parties are met. When one parent makes a decision, he must be sure to remember the position of the other.

The second task is to make sure that the child does not see contradictions in the positions of the parents, i.e. it is better to discuss these issues without him.

Children quickly "grasp" what is said and quite easily maneuver between parents, seeking immediate benefits (usually towards laziness, poor study, disobedience, etc.).

Parents, when making a decision, should not put their own views first, but what will be more useful for the child.

In communication between adults and children, the principles of communication are developed:

1. Adopting a child, i.e. the child is accepted as he is.
2. Empathy (empathy)- an adult looks at problems through the eyes of a child, accepts his position.
3. Congruence. Assumes an adequate attitude on the part of an adult to what is happening.

Parents can love a child not for something, despite the fact that he is ugly, not smart, neighbors complain about him. The child is accepted as he is. (Unconditional love)

Perhaps the parents love him when the child lives up to their expectations. when he studies well and behaves. but if the child does not satisfy those needs, then the child is, as it were, rejected, the attitude changes for the worse. This brings significant difficulties, the child is not confident in the parents, he does not feel the emotional security that should be from the very infancy. (conditional love)

The child may not be accepted by the parents at all. They are indifferent to him and may even be rejected by them. (e.g. family of alcoholics)... But maybe in a prosperous family (for example, it is not long-awaited, there were heavy problems, etc.) the parents do not necessarily realize this. But there are purely subconscious moments (for example, the mother is beautiful, and the girl is ugly and withdrawn. The child annoys her.

Types of family relationships:

In every family, a definite system of upbringing is objectively formed, which is by no means always conscious of it. This refers to the understanding of the goals of upbringing, and the formulation of its tasks, and more or less purposeful application of methods and techniques of upbringing, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. 4 tactics of upbringing in a family can be distinguished and 4 types of family relationships corresponding to them, which are both a prerequisite and a result of their emergence: diktat, guardianship, “non-interference” and cooperation.

Diktat in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some family members (mostly adults) initiative and self-esteem of other members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of upbringing, moral norms, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence are faced with the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with their countermeasures: hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance is broken, along with it many valuable personality traits are broken: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one's capabilities. Reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignorance of the interests and opinions of the child, systematic deprivation of his right to vote in resolving issues related to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

Guardianship in the family is a system of relationships in which parents, ensuring with their work the satisfaction of all the needs of the child, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. The question of active personality formation fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - the satisfaction of the child's needs and the protection of his difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children to face reality outside their home. It is these children who turn out to be more unadapted to life in a team. According to the data of psychological observations, it is this category that is precisely this category of adolescents that gives the greatest number of breakdowns in adolescence. It is these children who, it would seem, have nothing to complain about, are beginning to rebel against excessive parental care. If diktat presupposes violence, orders, rigid authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties. However, the result is largely the same: children lack independence, initiative, they are somehow excluded from solving issues that personally concern them, and even more so the general problems of the family.

System interpersonal relationships in the family, based on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of the independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of “non-interference”. It is assumed that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line outlined in this way. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Collaboration as a type of family relationship presupposes the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives joint activities, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child's egoistic individualism is overcome. The family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

The style of family education and the values ​​adopted in the family are of great importance in the development of self-esteem.

3 styles of family parenting:

• democratic
• authoritarian
• passive

In a democratic style, the best interests of the child are taken into account. Consent style.

In a casual style, the child is left to himself.

A preschooler sees himself through the eyes of close adults raising him. If the assessments and expectations in the family do not correspond to the age and individual characteristics of the child, his / her self-image appears to be distorted.

M.I. Lisina traced the development of self-awareness of preschoolers, depending on the characteristics of family education. Children with an accurate idea of ​​themselves are brought up in families where parents devote a lot of time to them; positively assess their physical and mental characteristics, but do not consider their level of development to be higher than that of most peers; predict good school performance. These children are often encouraged, but not given gifts; punish mainly by refusing to communicate. Children with an underestimated self-image grow up in families in which they are not taught, but require obedience; they are rated low, often reproached, punished, sometimes in front of strangers; do not expect them to succeed in school and make significant achievements in later life.

Adequate and inadequate behavior of a child depends on the conditions of upbringing in a family.

Children who have low self-esteem are unhappy with themselves. This happens in a family where parents constantly condemn the child, or set overestimated tasks in front of him. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements of the parents. (Do not tell the child that he is ugly, complexes arise from this, from which it is impossible to get rid of later.)

Inadequacy can also manifest itself with increased self-esteem. This happens in a family where the child is often praised, and gifts are given for little things and achievements. (the child gets used to material reward)... The child is punished very rarely, the demand system is very soft.

Adequate presentation - it needs a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise are excluded with him. Rarely are gifts given for actions. Extremely harsh penalties are not used.

In families where children grow up with high, but not with high self-esteem, attention to the personality of the child (his interests, tastes, relationships with friends) combined with sufficient exactingness. Here they do not resort to humiliating punishments and willingly praise when the child deserves it. Children with low self-esteem (not necessarily very low) enjoy greater freedom at home, but this freedom, in fact, is lack of control, a consequence of the indifference of parents to their children and to each other.

School performance is an important criterion for assessing a child as an individual by adults and peers. The attitude towards oneself as a student is largely determined by family values. The child's qualities come to the fore that are most concerned with his parents - maintaining prestige. (At home, the questions are asked: “Who else got an A?”), obedience (“Were you not scolded today?”) etc. In the self-awareness of a young schoolchild, accents are shifted when parents are not worried about educational, but everyday moments in his school life (“Is it blowing out of the windows in the classroom?”, “What did you get for breakfast?”), or not much at all - school life is not discussed or discussed formally. A rather indifferent question: “What happened at school today? ”Sooner or later will lead to the corresponding answer:“ Nothing special ”,“ Everything is fine ”.

Parents also set the initial level of the child's aspirations - what he claims in educational activities and relationships. Children with high level claims, high self-esteem and prestigious motivation count only on success. Their visions of the future are just as optimistic.

Children with a low level of aspirations and low self-esteem do not claim much either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their capabilities, they quickly come to terms with the level of academic performance that develops at the beginning of training.

Anxiety can become a personality trait at this age. High anxiety acquires stability with constant dissatisfaction with studies on the part of parents. Let's say a child gets sick, lags behind his classmates and finds it difficult to get involved in the learning process. If the temporary difficulties experienced by him irritate adults, anxiety arises, the fear of doing something bad, wrong. The same result is achieved in a situation where the child learns quite successfully, but the parents expect more and make excessive, unrealistic demands.

Due to the growth of anxiety and the associated low self-esteem, educational achievements decrease, failure is fixed. Uncertainty leads to a number of other features - the desire to thoughtlessly follow the instructions of an adult, to act only according to patterns and templates, the fear of taking initiative, the formal assimilation of knowledge and methods of action.

Adults, dissatisfied with the declining productivity of the child's educational work, focus more and more on these issues in communicating with him, which increases emotional discomfort. It turns out a vicious circle: the unfavorable personality traits of the child are reflected in his learning activity, the low performance of the activity causes a corresponding reaction from others, and this negative reaction, in turn, enhances the child's peculiarities. You can break this circle by changing the attitudes and assessments of the parents. Close adults, focusing on the child's smallest achievements. Without blaming him for individual shortcomings, they reduce his level of anxiety and thereby contribute to the successful completion of educational tasks.

The second option - demonstrativeness - is a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and for the attention of others to oneself. The source of demonstrativeness is usually the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned and “disliked” in the family. But it happens that the child receives sufficient attention, but it does not satisfy him due to the hypertrophied need for emotional contacts. Excessive demands on adults are not made by neglected children, but, on the contrary, by the most spoiled children. Such a child will seek attention, even breaking the rules of conduct. ("Better to let them scold than not notice")... The task of adults is to do without lectures and edifications, make comments as less emotionally as possible, not pay attention to minor offenses and punish major (say, abandoning a planned trip to the circus)... This is much more difficult for an adult than caring for an anxious child.

If for a child with high anxiety, the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.

The third option is “escape from reality”. It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness is combined with anxiety in children. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot fulfill it due to their anxiety. They are hardly noticeable, they are afraid to cause disapproval by their behavior, they strive to fulfill the requirements of adults. An unsatisfied need for attention leads to an increase in even greater passivity, invisibility, which makes it difficult for already insufficient contacts. When adults encourage the activity of children, pay attention to the results of their educational activities and search for ways of creative self-realization, a relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.

4 ways to support conflict situations:

1. Avoiding the problem (purely business communication)
2. Peace at any cost (for an adult relationship with a child is the most expensive)... By turning a blind eye to negative actions, an adult does not help a teenager, but on the contrary, encourages negative forms of behavior in a child.
3. Victory at any cost (An adult strives to win, trying to suppress unnecessary forms of child behavior. If he loses in one, he will strive to win in another. This situation is endless.)
4. Productive (compromise option)... This option assumes a partial victory in both camps. It is imperative to go towards this together, i.e. it must be the result of a joint decision.

After the parents' divorce, boys often become uncontrollable, lose self-control, and at the same time exhibit increased anxiety. These specific traits behaviors are especially noticeable during the first months of life after a divorce, and by two years after it they smoothed out. The same pattern, but with less pronounced negative symptoms, is observed in the behavior of girls after their parents divorced.

Thus, in order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influence of the family on the upbringing of the child, it is necessary to remember the intrafamily psychological factors that have educational value:

• Take an active part in family life
• Always take time to talk to your child
• Take an interest in the child's problems, delve into all the difficulties that arise in his life and help develop his skills and talents
• Do not exert any pressure on the child, thereby helping him to make decisions on his own
• Have an understanding of the different stages in a child's life
• Respect the child's right to their own opinion
• To be able to restrain possessive instincts and treat the child as an equal partner who simply has less life experience so far
• Respect for the desire of all other family members to pursue a career and improve themselves.

Relationships between children and adults in the family should be trusting, benevolent, but not equal. The child understands: he still does not know much, does not know how; an adult is educated, experienced, so you need to listen to his advice and words. However, at the same time, the child sees that adults are not always right, that the behavior of many does not at all correspond to moral principles. The child learns to distinguish between good and bad. In the family, the child learns to express his opinion, has the right to argue, prove, reason; in the family, any manifestation of creativity, initiative, independence by the child should be supported.

The family is the primary collective, in which all its members, including small children, live according to the laws of the collective.

The common goal in the family, for all family members, is to take care of each other.

Each family member thinks not only about himself, his well-being, convenience, but also about others. At the same time, mutual assistance, joint work and rest are important.

Advantages and disadvantages of upbringing in preschool educational institutions and in the family.

For a long time, there has been a dispute over what is more important in the formation of an individual: family or social education (kindergarten, school, other educational institutions). Some great teachers leaned in favor of the family, while others gave the palm to public institutions. So, Ya. A. Komensky called the mother's school the sequence and amount of knowledge that the child receives from the hands and lips of the mother. Mother's lessons - no change in the schedule, no days off or vacations. The more imaginative and meaningful the child's life becomes, the wider the circle of maternal concerns. The humanist educator I. G. Pestalozzi: the family is a true organ of upbringing, it teaches by deed, and the living word only complements and, falling on the soil plowed by life, it makes a completely different impression. In contrast, the utopian socialist Robert Owen saw the family as one of the evils on the path to the formation of a new person. His idea of ​​the need for an exclusively social upbringing of a child from an early age was actively embodied in our country with the simultaneous relegation of the family to the position of a "cell" with "backward" traditions and customs. For many years, in word and deed, the leading role of social education in the formation of a child's personality has been emphasized. After the establishment of Soviet power in Russia, preschool education became a matter of state importance. Kindergartens and nurseries were created throughout the country with the aim of educating members of a socialist society - a society of a new type. If before the revolution the main goal preschool education It was harmonious development child, then after her his goal was to form, first of all, a citizen of the Soviet state. In this regard, the attitude of the leaders of preschool education to the concept of "free education" is indicative, according to which education should encourage the natural, spontaneous development of the child, not imposed from the outside, in which the family plays the main role. For example, D. A. Lazurkina called for a fight against "free upbringing", and upbringing in preschool institutions began to be seen as a means of compensating for the shortcomings of family upbringing, and often even as a means of destroying the previously existing institution of the family, a means of combating the "old family" , which was considered as a hindrance or even an enemy of the correct, that is, social education. Ideas of this kind were further developed in the works of A. S. Makarenko: “There are good and bad families. We cannot guarantee that the family can educate as it wants. We must organize family upbringing, and the school must be the organizing element as a representative of state upbringing. The school must lead the family. " Makarenko called on teaching teams to study the life of children in the family in order to improve their life and upbringing, as well as influence on parents. At the same time, family education was supposed to play a subordinate role, to depend on the "order of society." In various laboratories of the Research Institute of the Academy of Pedagogical Sciences of the USSR, the problems of development and education of children of early and preschool age were considered, attention was also paid to the study of issues of family education of children of preschool age. The researchers concluded that none of these can be successfully solved by kindergarten without the cooperation of the family. Although these social institutions have common goals and objectives, the content and methods of upbringing and teaching children are specific in each of them. We present a scheme developed by E.P. Arnautova and V.M. Ivanova, where the disadvantages and positive sides social and family education.

Disadvantages and positives

aspects of social and family education

Deeper changes in the interaction between the family and the preschool institution took place in the 90s. This was due to the education reform, which also affected the preschool education system. Changes in state policy in the field of education entailed recognition of the positive role of the family in raising children and the need to interact with it. Thus, the Law of the Russian Federation "On Education" states that "the state policy in the field of preschool education is based on the following principles: the humanistic nature of education, the priority of universal values, human life and health, the free development of the individual, education of citizenship, industriousness, respect for rights and human freedoms, love for the surrounding nature, homeland, family. " In this Law, in contrast to the documents of previous years, respect for the family is recognized as one of the principles of education, that is, the family turns from a means of pedagogical influence on the child into his goal. In the 90s, in accordance with the "Concept of Preschool Education" (1989), new approaches to cooperation with parents began to be developed, which are based on the relationship of two systems - kindergarten and family, family community and kindergarten (L. M. Klarina) ... The essence of this approach is to combine efforts preschool institutions and families for the development of the personality of both children and adults, taking into account the interests and characteristics of each member of the community, his rights and responsibilities. L. M. Klarina has developed a whole complex of the formation and development of the content and organizational directions of the kindergarten and family community (children, parents, professionals), for example, the creation of a methodological room in the kindergarten equipped with psychological and pedagogical literature for parents, a joint discussion with them with the aim of the possible use of the knowledge acquired in this way in a kindergarten, the opening on this basis of a discussion club of professionals and parents, a library of children's literature, which can be used both in kindergarten and in the family, the organization of a sports section for children and parents, various interest clubs, etc.

Consultation on the topic "Advantages and disadvantages of education in preschool educational institutions and in the family"

Prepared by the teacher: Gaponenko E.V.